01
Relatives when they were young, relatives when they grew up.
They should have married and had children, and they should have helped each other, but some brothers and sisters felt that one of them was in a superior condition, so they often went to his house to take advantage of it.
Taking advantage of that kind of "small advantage" can neither be poor nor rich to others. But more times, it will make people disgusted.
There have always been brothers who clearly settle accounts, and they cannot be arbitrarily taken advantage of on the grounds of "living well", and those who know how to divide and measure up know that etiquette and exchanges, and brothers should have boundaries in order to maintain a good relationship.
It is said that if people live well, no one but their parents will really be happy for them, and the adult world will always have more comparisons.
The world is big, there are no wonders.
Some parents are just pretending to be elders and disrupting their children's lives on the grounds of "I raised you".
The original family is impossible for everyone to choose, and the quality of family conditions is actually nothing, and can be changed by their own efforts.
But the good or bad character of parents affects their children all the time and haunts them for the rest of their lives.
02
Li Fugui has a group of "relatives" who can't get rid of, he is a child from the mountains, when he was a child, he was still angry, his hard work and academic performance has been very good, all the way to the university in the city, work in the city and settle down.
There are five brothers and sisters in the family, Li Fugui is the second oldest, and he has an older brother and three younger sisters.
The rich man came home for the New Year and told his parents that he was going to start a family, and the woman was from the city, so he simply worked hard in the city to settle down.
No one expected that the second eldest, who was born poorly, actually jumped into the dragon gate, and his good academic performance was enough to be envied by the university, and he also had to settle down in the city, which could make his parents happy.
The brothers and sisters are also very happy, but most of them are envious, thinking that they have never walked out of the mountain, the second brother has gone out, and there will be opportunities to go to his house to "be a guest" in the future.
The brothers chatted about the parents, and a few sisters said: "Second brother, don't forget the rich and noble, it is inevitable to find you for help in the future, you must not resign!" ”
Li Fugui smiled: "Good sister, in the future, although there is something to find the second brother, I can help you!" ”
Li Fugui stayed in his hometown for a few days and rushed back to the city, arranged the marriage matters, took his parents over, and went through the ceremony to marry the beautiful daughter-in-law Wang Li.
The old man paid some money for the down payment, and the two young people have had their own small home since then.
Back in the mountains, my parents said that the second brother had a job, went out and settled outside, and it was really the ancestral tomb that smoked.
Watching the second brother marry the daughter-in-law in the city, the boss couldn't sit still, thinking in his heart that he hadn't married his daughter-in-law yet, otherwise he would find the second brother to help find a job in the city, so that he could also find a daughter-in-law in the city.
The more I thought about it, the more I felt that this idea was reliable, so the boss got on the bus in the city and took the car for most of the day to the rich man's home.
The rich man ate and drank well, and the brothers came from afar, and the brothers chatted for most of the night.
The brother also explained his intentions: "This time I came to let you help find a job, and I can't earn any money working in my hometown!" ”
This can make it difficult to get rich, jobs in the city need a diploma, no diploma is really not easy to find a job! But he also felt embarrassed to refuse his brother, saying only that he would pay attention and let others give him a letter when he had a suitable job.
The big brother's business has not yet landed, and in a few days the three sisters have found the big brother to help, borrow some money to buy clothes, watch movies, anyway, a little thing has to come to the second brother, as if the second brother has endless money.
Rich and noble think that it is all small things, and the help should be helped. But after a long time, the brothers and sisters felt that they deserved it.
It was the Spring Festival, Li Fugui's parents did not say hello, and led his brothers and sisters to the city to find him.
Wang Li, who was returning home from work, pushed the door and saw her in-laws sitting on the sofa, and smiled awkwardly: "Mommy and Daddy, why don't you come and say hello in advance, I want the rich man to pick you up." ”
After a few words of greeting, she went to cook and entertained the in-laws and their families with good food and drink.
I thought that after eating, they would go back to their hometown, but they didn't expect that they would live here for a few days, and then go after the Spring Festival, which was somewhat inconvenient, Wang Li was a little angry but it was difficult to say anything.
Living at home for a few days, the in-laws do not do any work, every day expecting the daughter-in-law to do housework during the New Year's holiday, serving a large family can exhaust Wang Li, but she is not good at saying anything, and can only complain to the rich.
Finally survived the Spring Festival, the in-laws and their party left.
In the next few years, several brothers and sisters have become families, or every New Year's Festival to come to the rich family for the New Year, do not bring anything, before leaving, they have to take away some things, for these things Wang Li quarreled with the rich and noble several times.
This year's Spring Festival came to the house to eat and live in vain, this time Wang Liqi returned to her mother's house to live for several days, and the rich and noble coaxed for a long time to appease the daughter-in-law.
Rich and noble became more and more tired of their visits, stirring up his own family chaos, he felt that he could not continue like this, decided to have a showdown with his parents.
No, just after the Spring Festival back to their hometown a few days ago, my parents and brothers dragged their families and mouths to come.
This time it is the Lantern Festival, and I want to come to have a reunion dinner. Fugui said his thoughts directly to them: "Every time you come over, you eat for free, and this time you come again, either AA meals, or don't come to my house in the future!" ”
Parents heard the scolding of the rich and the noble and unfilial, and several sisters also said: "Only the second brother in the family has a job, living better than us, and the salary is higher than us, shouldn't we usually help us?" ”
The rich man said, "You should help, but instead of raising a big family of you, you are all married, and you know that it is not easy to live a life!" ”
Everyone stopped talking, and there was a stalemate for a long time. In the end, they still did not have a penny, and dragged their families back to their hometowns.
03
From this incident I learned two very important things
First: for family affection that lacks a sense of boundaries, we must know how to refuse.
The word "reject" is easy to say, but for some people, they can't do it, especially the rejection between relatives, it is always difficult to say, and they feel that rejection means alienation and imply unkindness.
Learning to say no is a very important thing, reject the unreasonable demands of others, and make yourself more comfortable.
After all, not refusing will cause a chain reaction, the Li Fugui family in the text is a chain reaction, not refusing is agreeing, you can always eat and drink freely, and the number of times has naturally become a matter of course.
When I came back to God and wanted to refuse, I became stingy and was not understood.
Some refuse to take a clear position at the beginning, after all, after living for so many years, I know what kind of character my relatives are.
Later, I couldn't bear it until the showdown, not to challenge the bottom line of wealth and wealth again and again, nor to make things so embarrassing, for this kind of relatives who lacked a sense of boundaries, they had to learn to refuse.
Second: often blind tolerance will only be exchanged for inching forward.
Ordinary people get along with each other, it is indispensable to help each other, but for this kind of relatives who only want to take, they should stop the loss in time, once or twice is fine, and after a long time, people will feel that they should be asked.
Li Fugui's family does not know how to receive when they see the good, and they do not understand the sophistication of people, usually when they go to a relative, they still have to bring something, how can they not bring anything every time they go, but also to take things back?
Li Fugui is good or bad, and what does it have to do with them, moreover, they have all formed a family, and there is indeed affection between each other, but they cannot kidnap their relatives with affection, and they ask for help in everything.
From the beginning of the "relatives" to come to the family for the festival, to the later "relatives dragging the family with their mouths" to come to the rich and noble family for the festival, in the final analysis, it is caused by blind tolerance.
Do what you can do as much as possible, let yourself feel uncomfortable things happen to have to endure, and finally you can only wronged yourself
, in exchange for the other party's inching forward.
If you do not stop it in time and blindly tolerate it, there may be more "problems" waiting for the rich to solve in the future.
Is rejecting the unreasonable demands of parents a new type of filial piety? No, life is not easy, money is not blown by the wind, and it is already difficult for everyone to live their own life.
Where is the extra money to feed a family of "moths"?
When encountering things that make you uncomfortable, don't blindly tolerate it, because forbearance cannot be exchanged for the understanding of others, but will be exchanged for the other party's inch.
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