1, I have a very poor amount of alcohol, usually 2 bottles of beer can get me drunk. My girlfriend usually wants to say anything to me, she will coax me to drink with her. Yesterday I drank with my girlfriend, woke up drunk in the early morning, and saw her in tears

1, I have a very poor amount of alcohol, usually 2 bottles of beer can get me drunk. My girlfriend usually wants to say anything to me, she will coax me to drink with her. Yesterday I was drinking with my girlfriend, I woke up drunk in the early morning and saw her looking at me with tears in her eyes. I must have said something I shouldn't have said last night. "Honey, whatever I said last night is true!" I hurried to argue. My girlfriend punched me hard: "Stupid, you proposed to me last night." ”

2, go to the girlfriend's girlfriend's house for dinner, during the meal her girlfriend has been teasing her newly bought pet dog, the girlfriend feels snubbed, so sourly said to the girlfriend: "I am also a person with a dog." Turning my head to look at me, I reached over with a stiff face and licked a large mouthful of my girlfriend's face with my tongue

3, I walked into the Mercedes-Benz 4S store with 15 million in cash and asked: Is there 10 Maybach S450L? Sales Manager: Sir, we have two, can we? I shook my head, took the money and left disappointed. The next day, I came with another 15 million, me: 10 Maybach S450Ls? Sales Manager: We have contacted the manufacturer and will be able to arrive tomorrow. On the third day, I asked again: Are there 10 Maybach S450Ls? Sales Manager: Yes, sir, we just arrived at 10 cars. Me: Great, get me a Mercedes C200L!

4, the local tycoon abdicated from the company after the fascination of fishing, I gave him a fishing rod worth 20,000 yuan. The old man is particularly excited and goes fishing in the lake almost every day. Today I went to visit the old man, and I found that his nose was blue and his face was swollen. After asking, I learned that I was abused by my mother-in-law, so I asked my mother-in-law why I was curious. Originally, I didn't know where the old man heard about it, and the effect of fresh cow nesting and grass carp was amazing. He specially went to the river beach to make a bubble of fresh cow, and in order to maintain the freshness, he directly put the cow in the household refrigerator!

5, know a second-married old man, chatted for a month and then asked me to meet after dinner, he took me to the treasure shop, I tried a diamond ring, very like, see the price of 21800 let me stop. Just as I was about to put it back, he grabbed the ring, then got down on one knee and asked me if I would marry him. There were many people around, and I was surprised and happy in my heart, and I agreed to him with a red face. Unexpectedly, he actually returned the ring to the shopping guide, and then took my hand and left!

6, 30 has not yet arrived at the end of the work point, take two hours off, early departure... Two hours later, my girlfriend called me: Mir, are you on the road? I looked at the navigation map full of blocked red, looked at the long queue of vehicles in front of and behind, a dizzy: on the road your sister, now everyone on the road and the intersection of the traffic lights slowly squirming, a lot of early departure is much bigger...

7, Xiao Du planned to resign, he excitedly told his colleagues: Finally do not have to be angry with this leader, I immediately went to hand in the resignation letter. However, after a while, Xiao Du came out of the leader's office, and his face was full of disappointment. Colleague asks: What's wrong? The leader did not agree? Xiao Du sobbed in frustration: It was even worse than this, the leader smiled when he read the letter, and he was in the same company as me.

8. A teacher celebrates his birthday, and the teacher brings a cake to celebrate with everyone in order to show the deep affection of teachers and students. Put out the candles, put out the birthday song, then turn off the lights and light the candles, and everyone will make a wish in a circle. After making their wishes, everyone asked what they had made, and they giggled and laughed. At this time, the teacher spoke: "My greatest wish is that I hope you will study hard and turn in your homework on time" At this time, a classmate said: "Teacher, the wish will not work..."

9, a Shijiazhuang train to Beijing, an old man patted another young man on the shoulder and said: Young people, don't always miss the scenery along the way because of mobile phones. The young man looked out the window and was silent for two seconds and said to Uncle: Uncle, you are teasing me. 10, the weekend to sleep, the wife is drying clothes, she suddenly rushed in and kicked me, threw an object on me, and asked me loudly: "Where did this dress come from?" "I picked up the cyan bra and looked at it, good eyes, don't you... Looked out onto the balcony and sure enough! So she scolded: "You are a second commodity, how to put the faded jeans and other clothes in the washing machine to wash together..." She may feel that she is at a loss, and comes over to kick me while scolding: "Make you fierce!" Make you fierce! ......”

11, drinking coffee, sitting next to a man in a suit, the phone rang, he answered the complaint: "Not to tell you, your single is only a billion, too little, I don't do it." Then hang up. I, who was also in business, looked at him with a little respect. Q: "Which company owner are you?" Such a big business is not accepted? He smiled awkwardly: "I print a million coins, a million pieces, a billion profits are only a few dozen dollars, who does it."

12, and my husband look at the palm, I found that my husband's lifeline is very long, and then look at my own, the lifeline is very short. So, he looked at his husband affectionately and said, "I may only live to be in my fifties!" "I hope my husband can say something touching to respond to himself." Who knows, the husband was stunned for a moment and said: "Then don't pay pension insurance, anyway, you can't get it!" "

13, and the husband to see the palm. I found that my husband's lifeline is very long, and then look at my own, the lifeline is very short. So, he looked at his husband affectionately and said, "I may only live to be in my fifties!" "I hope my husband can say something touching to respond to himself." Who knows, the husband was stunned for a moment and said: "Then don't pay pension insurance, anyway, you can't get it!" ”

14, my daughter lit a birthday candle and came to me and said, "Daddy, make a wish, blow out the candle wish and it will come true." As soon as I saw it, I was very sincere, so I closed my eyes and said, "I hope that my daughter will not blackmail people in the future, and she will be obedient every day." Before she could blow the candle when she opened her eyes, she blew out the candle and said, "Your candle has not been blown out yet, and your wish cannot be fulfilled!" ”