I was just engaged last year and stayed at my father-in-law's house, I slept with my father-in-law, and my wife slept with my mother-in-law. That night my father-in-law went out to play poker until after four o'clock in the morning, and told me: If your mother asks,

I was just engaged last year and stayed at my father-in-law's house, I slept with my father-in-law, and my wife slept with my mother-in-law. That night my father-in-law went out to play poker and didn't come back until four o'clock in the morning, and told me: If your mother asks, you say you'll be back at twelve. After dinner in the morning, my mother-in-law asked me: When did your father come back last night? I said: It's almost twelve. The mother-in-law listened to the scolding: Little bunny cub, you know that you are not honest! Your dad has recruited, and you still lie... Afterwards I asked my father-in-law: Why don't you prompt it? The father-in-law laughed awkwardly and said: A person is scolded for being too lonely! Instantly killed!

1, the company near the recent days opened a restaurant, especially popular heard that the hostess looks particularly beautiful. Today I plan to see if it is a waste of fame, ordering or the hostess herself, I deliberately find a topic to provoke her. When ordering, I asked her for WeChat, and she politely refused, just asking me what I wanted. I said, "You see, what kind of food should a handsome person like me eat?" The hostess glanced at me, turned back to the back kitchen and said: For this guest, fry a plate of cabbage, a plate of flowers, and a plate of swan meat. I........

2, it is the day when my wife gives pocket money again, I am full of joy waiting for my wife to give me pocket money, but until the evening my wife has not given it. When I went to bed at night, I reminded my wife: Wife, do you know what day it is? My wife asked me with a confused face: What day?

I used my thumb and index finger to draw a little money, and my wife suddenly realized, and took 100 yuan from her wallet and gave it to me. I took 100 yuan, felt a little less, and said to my wife: You see, it takes a month to give 100, is it necessary to add points? The wife asked: Then how much do you want to add? I said excitedly: Why don't you add an extra 0 in 1 month? The wife said: Well, 100 yuan for 10 months. I:......

3, a single female colleague of the company asked me to help her rent a house, just when my family has a room is empty, I proposed to the female colleague.

In the afternoon, after the female colleague went to see the house and felt very satisfied to live in, I consciously took on the housework every day, including helping her fold the quilt every day.

At first, she felt a little scared to live in one room by herself and asked if I could move in with me.

I refused on the spot. Obviously didn't want to pay me rent. People say yes or no?

4, the sister is the school flower of the university, just graduated from a rich second generation married to become a rich wife. She just had a baby last month, and I bought some fruit to visit her house, but when I held the baby, he scratched a little mark on his neck.

To avoid misunderstanding, I went to the pharmacy and bought a Band-Aid and put it on. Then I went home and my mother stared at me for half a day, and finally pulled my hair off.

She was stunned at first, so she shouted to her father: Old Li Lao Li, your daughter finally has someone to ask for...

5, the company's female director is still single in her thirties, three years older than me, but she is beautiful and I accepted it. In order to marry her, he was ready to start attacking the future husband. I heard that the future husband loves to play mahjong, so I deliberately accompanied him in the park every day, and deliberately lost money to him. I became a friend with him without talking, and finally one day, I told him the truth. Me: Uncle, I like your girlfriend, you agree with the two of us together, right? The future old man shook his head straightly: No, no! Me: Why, rest assured, I'll be good to her! Future husband: You don't know, my daughter learned from her mother, the money is tight, wait for the two of you to be together, do you still have money to play mahjong with me! Me: This...

6, the object especially loves to eat eggs, get up early in the morning to stew the egg soup for the object. This product took a spoon to dig a piece and sent it to the mouth, and then it was mmm I quickly put the trash can in front of him and told him to vomit, who knew that this product was swallowed hard, and then the tears came out, and while crying, he said: "Just kidding, what you eat in my mouth still wants me to spit out?" I'll go! Foodies! You deserve to be hot!

In the 70s and 90s, family planning was strictly controlled, and I was the only child in the family. Maybe a person is too lonely, so he begged his father to give me a sister or something. Dad sighed and said that he had to ask my mother about this. So I found my mother, but my mother was impatient and drove me away with rude words. One day on the way home, an advertisement in the alley of "heavy money for children" attracted me. I followed suit when I went back, and since I didn't have a phone, I filled in my home address. The next day I came home from school with a bunch of people around my house, and I haven't forgotten that beating so far...

8, the girlfriend wants her husband to come home early, so it is stipulated that the door will be locked when she returns home after 11 o'clock.

The first week worked, the second week the husband returned late,

The girlfriend locked the door according to the system, so the husband simply did not go home.

My girlfriend was depressed, so I gave the idea to change the rules: I didn't go home before 11 o'clock, and I slept with the door open.

The husband was horrified and returned home on time.

9. On weekends, I am at home on vacation. When I was playing with my mobile phone, my wife was watching TV on the couch, muttering while watching, I was a little curious for a while, I leaned over to listen, and then I only heard my wife's mouth chanting: Grab something in the air! Come here! Snacks in the fridge for me to come over! I felt funny, so I said sarcastically, "You really thought you had the ultimate divine skill!" That snack can't come! At this time, the wife looked at her angrily: You are smart! You know I can't grab things in the air and you still don't go and bring me water?

10, on a business trip to meet a funny uncle by train. The uncle took out a roast duck from his bag and directly screwed the duck head off.

To my shock, the uncle threw the remaining duck out of the window.

Then the uncle looked at the duck head in his hand, thought for a minute, and silently threw the duck head away.

11, son: "Father, if someone wants to buy me 100,000 yuan, will you sell me?" Dad: "How can I be willing?" Son: "What if it's a million?" Dad thought for a moment: "No matter how much money, I can't help it!" Unless..." Son: "Dad, you're so nice!" Eh, unless what? Dad: "Unless... Bring your mom with you too! Son: "Why?" Dad took a puff of his cigarette and sighed, "Your mother is here, no matter how much money you sell, you don't have my share..."