1, the chairman's daughter returned from studying in the United States. Not long ago, the chairman's daughter was pregnant, and the chairman was very angry and asked: Whose child is it? The chairman's daughter did not dare to say it directly, so she said:

1, the chairman's daughter returned from studying in the United States.

Not long ago, the chairman's daughter was pregnant, and the chairman was very angry and asked: Whose child is it?

The chairman's daughter did not dare to say it directly, so she said: The child is our company.

The chairman was furious, and then more than 80 people in the company resigned, and I also prepared my resignation application with trepidation.

The chairman looked at me and said, "Xiao Zhang, you don't have to resign." ”

I was so happy, I didn't expect the chairman to trust me so much!

As a result, the chairman then said: "You are the ugliest in the whole company, and my daughter will not look at you if she is blind!" ”

The chairman's daughter cried and said, "Dad, I'm so blind!" ”

2, on the weekend to help female colleagues change the light bulb, by the way to help her tidy up the messy room.

Busy until noon, the female colleague smiled and said, "I'll invite you to a big dinner later." ”

I said, "Just eat your own food." "At 1 o'clock in the afternoon, my female colleague asked me to go to dinner, a large plate of dumplings.

She said: "After half a day of busy work, there is nothing to entertain, give you dumplings." ”

After saying that, she turned around and went to the room without eating.

I looked at the steaming dumplings, a little angry, which left the guests and ran away...

3 I've been driving out since I got my driver's license, so I haven't taken the bus in a long time! Today in the entrance of the community to build a road, I still have something to go out, so I chose the bus. As soon as I got in the car, all the guys, everyone was looking down at their phones, and I thought: I can't be like them. So I looked at the people in the car and observed whether their clothes were fashionable and whether the bag matching was reasonable. After less than two minutes of observation, the people in the car stopped playing with their mobile phones, and they all tightly covered their bags and looked at me warily.

4 The girlfriend's husband went missing for a week playing the lottery, and when he came back, the girlfriend did not sleep well all night. It turned out that the two of them had divided the rooms to sleep, and her husband opened and closed the door in the middle of the night, opening and closing the door repeatedly for three hours! The girlfriend finally couldn't stand it, rushed to her husband's room and asked loudly: "What are you scum doing?" Her husband was stunned for 3 seconds and replied timidly: "Clip... Pinch walnuts. ”

5 A local tycoon is now in his forties and has not yet used traffic. He saw that we were all using it, so he wanted to try it too. In just two months, the local tycoons have already owed 1,000 bills, and they have been dragging their feet without paying. I asked him curiously: Why didn't you pay your phone bill? He smiled and said: In fact, I am not short of that money, I just want to see what the consequences of overdue will be!!

6 Stinky boy went to kindergarten, and the mothers of several children in the class had given birth to a second child, and everyone had a heated discussion when chatting. The stinky boy was envious, and came home to urge me to give him a little sister. I smiled and said, "Okay, but when the time comes, you'll have to play with her, the toys will be shared with her, and the delicious food will be distributed to her!" Unexpectedly, the little guy shouted angrily: Your child, you don't buy her good food, why let her rob me? Don't be angry! The stinky boy went away angrily.

7 As a class teacher at China Normal University, he and Bai Fumei had a long-term relationship with each other. Her parents found out and bought us an apartment near the school so that it was convenient to take care of her and the children. She also pretended that she was pregnant, and she was doing a lot of work all day, pointing fingers at me. Once I was a little irritable, so I muttered, "Take a chicken feather as an arrow!" She immediately looked down at her stomach and said, "Son, your father actually said you were chicken feathers." ”

8 The father-in-law died during the stone surgery, and the mother-in-law remarried to a rich old man. Within a few days of their marriage, the mother-in-law became pregnant. After a few days, the mother-in-law's reaction was strong and she always vomited blood. So his husband comforted and said, "You must be strong, you are now our baby!" The mother-in-law said coldly: "Hmm, the dish in my stomach is your baby, I am a treasure box." ”

9 When I came home from work, my aunt gave me a few crucian carp from my house, and my mother told me to scale the fish, clean up the internal organs, and clean it, which I was a little reluctant to do. My mother held out her hand for me to see, and there were two Band-Aids on her hand: "Girl, if your mother's hand is not injured, she will do it herself." When I had packed up the fish, my mother nodded with satisfaction and said to my father, "Our stupid girl is really a liar." "Saying that he took off the Band-Aid, he didn't do anything. I......

10 The son of our chairman has been studying at an aristocratic university abroad and has become the vice chairman of the company after returning some time ago. He was idle all day, and he fell in love with a female colleague of the company, stalking him every day. The female colleague was forced by him to use me as a shield and told him that I was her boyfriend. Then, I was fired outright and got paid 2 more years on the card. I really want to tell him the truth, buddy, that girl is not my girlfriend, she is your stepmother!

11 On the train, a man is lying alone in a soft bed, and a woman pushes the door in and inserts the door. Open your chest and scratch your hair and say, "Give 5,000 yuan, or shout that you are flirting with me." ”

The man was stunned for a moment, took out a pen and paper from his bag and wrote: "I am deaf and mute, what do you want to do?" ”

The woman took the pen and wrote down what she had just said on the paper.

The man smiled and collected the note and opened the door: "You can go out." ”