1.: A flight attendant I know is 26 years old and has been divorced twice. Curious, I asked her, "You're so pretty and in such good shape, why do you always get divorced?" She sighed

1.: A flight attendant I know is 26 years old and has been divorced twice. Curious, I asked her, "You're so pretty and in such good shape, why do you always get divorced?" She sighed and replied, "Because of domestic violence." After listening to it, I said very sympathetically: "You are really unlucky enough, how do you always encounter this kind of person." The flight attendant said with some embarrassment: "I am angry and start to beat people." ”

2. On the first night of the wedding, the bride had already changed into a beautiful silk nightgown and lay on the bed. But an hour passed, and the groom was still well dressed and looking out the window, and the bride reminded him impatiently: "What's wrong?" He replied, "Go to sleep first!" Leave me alone, because my mom told me that tonight was the most wonderful night I could ever see, so now I don't want to waste any second of the night view. ”

3. While playing a game in the house, I received a call from the teacher asking me to take my parents to the school for a parent-teacher conference, and my father listened to it and packed up a bit, ready to take me out. Dad suddenly said to me: I'm going to stop the car and wipe my windshield. Curious, I asked: Dad, where did you get the windshield of this broken electric car? I saw my father park the car on the side of the road, take out a handkerchief, and wipe his glasses.

4. At that time, we had a couple here who were lazy and didn't want to go to work, so they secretly hid in the attic on the third floor of their house to sell lottery tickets, claiming that there was no one at home. The iron gate itself is tightly closed, there are iron doors on each floor, and cameras are set up everywhere, and the bud rice does a good job. That day, plainclothes quietly went up to the third floor and caught them all. When their father visited the prison, they learned that their father had come to help clean up and opened all the doors.

5. When I was in college, I had a roommate who was particularly miserable, and often something unfortunate happened to him. Once this buddy of mine was leaning on the balcony on the phone, and my roommate came over and took a picture of it, and he was so frightened that his hand slipped and fell off for 6 seconds. At that time, we were living on the tenth floor of the dormitory, and he looked down, and there was someone on the eighth floor to dry the quilt, and the mobile phone just fell into the quilt! My brother's mood was instantly extremely excited, the speech was all vibrato, rushing downstairs to collect the quilt the man shouted: Hello! My phone dropped in your quilt and helped me pick it up! As a result, the two goods downstairs shook the quilt and looked up: What do you say? You can never understand this mood.

6. For the sake of the genes of the offspring, the buddy married a very beautiful and intelligent wife.

After a few years of marriage, my wife said: I have a baby, you are going to be a father, how do you want to thank me?

The buddy laughed and said, "I'll buy you a piece of jewelry, or I'll take you on a tour and choose one."

His wife was very excited: I chose jade jewelry!

But I'm afraid you can't buy the pig's head, so we have to go to Yunnan to buy it!

7. I had a fight with my girlfriend, and I wanted to reconcile her and ignore me, so in the morning I transferred 520 yuan to her Alipay, and then transferred another 1314 yuan.

Later, she sent a message: "If you have sincerity, don't say a word twice!" ”

8. I was at work when I suddenly received a call from my sister-in-law. The head was very anxious: "It's over, brother-in-law, I hit a Porsche parked on the side of the road, what to do, I can't afford it!" Me: "Ah, don't worry, you're waiting for me there, I'll be there!" I just arrived at the scene, the owner of the car also arrived, he yelled: "How do you drive the car, knock my Zhongtai into this!" ”

9. Do not disturb, the male guest came out and began to introduce himself: "I deal with the land all day!" In an instant the lights went out six. Male guest: "I don't have a stable salary!" Then the lights went out eight more. Male guest: "I'm not going to buy a house yet!" Finally, the lights were all out. The host hurried to round the field: "I think many people look down on our peasant brothers, thinking that they have no money and no house, which is an extremely wrong idea!" Male guest: "Interrupt, I'm not a farmer, I'm a real estate developer." ”

10. The floor drain at home gambled, and it was not good to put baking soda and white vinegar, so I called the door-to-door service. The master was a young girl, only to see her holding an electric drill and tying up the wire, and then pounding the floor drain a few times. Just as I was handing her money, the neighbor downstairs came to the door and said that my house was leaking. Embarrassed to be angry with my sister, I said, "I want to find someone to repair the water pipe, give me 3,000 yuan!" The girl happily agreed, as a result, the bag was wiped for a while and said: "I'm sorry, my husband has something to go out, I work for him, the ten thousand yuan in my bag are paid to the three people in front, there are 1,000 left, right?" ”

11. Go to the girlfriend's house to propose to the mother-in-law, the mother-in-law is very funny: "The bride price is calculated according to the pound, one pound is not high for 5,000, right??" "I turned my head to look at my girlfriend, gritted my teeth and nodded, and when I went back, I was busy making money and raising money!! About a few days later, the mother-in-law called: "Auntie is also a reasonable person, that day was a joke, you mean it!" Just after hanging up the phone, my girlfriend called: "I have been on hunger strike for almost a week, my mother is in a hurry, the taste of hiding in the room every day to secretly eat biscuits is really uncomfortable, hurry up and invite me to eat a big meal!" ”

12. This is a physics lesson for my brother, and the teacher comes in with a pair of servants. Then let the classmates sitting in the brother send it one by one. Then the teacher said at the podium: Please remember your cards. Since then, he has given us that deck of cards in class, and he has been shuffling cards on the podium! From time to time, he also threw out two cards and said lightly, "Red Peach 5 and Plum Blossom 6 come up to do the problem..."

13. My Nokia phone has been used for 10 years and has been dropped countless times. Although the back shell is glued with transparent glue, it can still be used. I said to my wife, "As long as I can't lose it, I'll keep using it until it hurts." "I didn't expect my phone to be stolen at home yesterday. Today I went to take out the garbage, lifted the lid of the garbage can and saw my Nokia!!