1. On weekends, a female colleague asked me to go hiking, I was on the top, she was down. When I climbed to the upper waist, I saw that the female colleague's cheeks were slightly flushed! Red, small mouth exhale. It's like being tired. I looked at it and she said, ".

1. On weekends, a female colleague asked me to go hiking, I was on the top, she was down. When I climbed to the upper waist, I saw that the female colleague's cheeks were slightly flushed! Red, small mouth exhale. It's like being tired. I looked at her and said, "If I don't go up, you'll wait down, and I'll go up for a while and then I'll come down, what's the matter?" Unexpectedly, she suddenly listened to the drums and went down the mountain with an unhappy face. I was stunned and wondered, how did I mess with her?

2. Tonight's company dinner, remember my mother reminded you from childhood: you better only clip the dish in front of you, and you must not stretch your chopsticks to clip the dish that is far away from you. In front of outsiders, let them feel that you are qualified and cultivated. So, for a meal I only ate the plate in front of me. As a result, everyone was talking: Who is the man? As if he had never eaten meat, a plate of elbows was eaten by him.

3. My wife is a Virgo, not only has compulsive evidence and cleanliness, but is very picky about everything, and I am more and more annoyed with her. As a result, she argued, "You know what, I call this perfectionism, striving for perfection in everything." What is like you, whatever you want to make up for it? I really agree with that, after all, she chose me, and I chose her.

4. There is a tradition in the company where a lottery is held in the middle of each year. The old man planted a refrigerator in his brother's year, and it was nothing, but he did not expect that the lottery was planted again the next year. In the third year, the local tycoon boss deliberately waited for the old man to go out to draw a lottery, and when the old man came back, only he and the boss did not draw the lottery. The washing machine is still no one to smoke, the local tycoon boss let the old man smoke first, the old man said that there is no shortage of refrigerators at home, let the local tycoon boss smoke first. The local tycoon boss really managed to avoid the jackpot! This year, the old man is more powerful, and ask the boss to see if he can change a prize, saying that he wants to change the air conditioner at home!

5. The manager of the company is particularly addicted to smoking, at least five packs of Chinese icons a day. Today he was smoking and coughing. I advised him, "You're like this, you can't quit smoking?" He said, "I can't quit!" Quitting to give birth to people. Me: "Don't pull it, if you don't smoke, will you die?" He said, "No, your sister-in-law said that if I could quit smoking in my life, she would die." ”

6. Everyone who has sons knows that it is difficult to marry a wife now, and the woman's family wants a bride price and a house and a car, compared to the brother-in-law, who is a lucky one. Yesterday my brother-in-law went to her house with my girlfriend, and her family was called an enlightened ah! Without making any request to the brother-in-law, he directly set the wedding date between the brother-in-law and his girlfriend. The brother-in-law's future mother-in-law said to the brother-in-law, "If you want to marry my daughter... Let's go to the next life! ”

7. The sister whom my cousin liked gave him a piece of jelly and shoved it into his mouth. When the cousin bit it and found that the taste was strange, it turned out that it was added to the mustard icon. The prank cousin in the face of the sister did not spit it out, and swallowed it all. The girl was still anxious at that time: you quickly spit out that there is toothpaste in it, how do you swallow it. The cousin looked at her and said because you gave it to me, the girl's face was macro, the cousin: Yes, you guessed right, I hit it!

8. This Valentine's Day is coming, and I deliberately put down all the company affairs to prepare gifts for my girlfriend. I bought 99 bouquets of flowers in the trunk of the car, bought red wine and dresses, and planned to go to Western food. During the meal, my girlfriend asked me: "Honey, if someone gives you a million to exchange for me, will you choose me or choose money?" "I said I would choose money and she asked me why? Isn't it better in my heart than the money? I wrapped my arms around her: "Honey, you are priceless in my heart, you have suffered a lot with me over the years, but I will not delay your happiness because of my selfishness, and when you get married, I will give you this million as a dowry." "Don't cry after listening to her, I think, if someone really exchanges a million for her, how blind that person must be."

9 Wife went abroad, there are two people left in the family, my mother-in-law is 48 years old, the long charm still exists, because my father-in-law left early, so my mother-in-law has been single, my mother-in-law is in a company as a financial director, the ability is very outstanding, the income is also very high, so there are many bachelors who want to pursue my mother-in-law. But because my wife was not happy that her mother would find a stepfather for herself, she has always opposed her mother's remarriage. This time my wife went abroad, and many bachelors felt that there was an opportunity, and they all flocked to my house to propose to my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law was embarrassed to face such a scene, so she asked my son-in-law to come forward for her. In the end, I secretly operated, selected the chairman of our company, and let him and my mother-in-law come together. Our chairman promised me that when he retired, the whole company would be taken care of by me. I'm so witty!

10 New Year is too unlucky, I have a cold, go to the hospital for injections, the little nurse finished mixing the potion, let me lie on the bed, the little nurse looked at my ass, exclaimed: Oh my God, you must be a rich and noble person! Me: How? Nurse: I think at the beginning, Zhu Yuanzhang had seventy-two stars on his face, became an emperor, Cixi had seven stars on the soles of his feet, and became an empress, and you even had seven stars on your ass, which was great for my brother! I said: Sister, you think too much, today is the second day in a row of injections... Yesterday the nurse was poorly skilled, and 6 more stitches were given... Spring Festival stalls.

11 One day my sister-in-law was playing at my house, and we were chatting when we heard my daughter-in-law open the door. I had a whim and wanted to tease her. He shouted: Hide quickly, my daughter-in-law is back. As soon as my daughter-in-law opened the door, she slapped her sister-in-law out of the bed and slapped her sister-in-law twice on her ass, and the sister-in-law cried and said, Brother-in-law, sister beat me. I hugged my three-year-old sister-in-law and said she hit me too. 0

12 Grandpa secretly took my hair for DNA testing and came home to hear my screams. When I entered the door, I saw my father beating me, and I quickly stopped it and asked why. Dad: "The rabbit cub saw that someone was dead, the family was throwing paper money, and they thought it was green, so they ran to pick it up." Grandpa: "Then you won't hit the child?" Dad: "But, Dad, when I asked him why he picked it up, he said that after Grandpa died, he wouldn't buy it and just sprinkle it." Dad: "Daddy, Daddy, don't be impulsive and put down the knife first." ”

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #