1. After the sister-in-law took a bath, she came out wrapped in a bath towel. I looked at her carefully, and she was a little shy. I smiled and asked, "Do you feel like you've washed your hair?"

1. After the sister-in-law took a bath, she came out wrapped in a bath towel. I looked at her carefully, and she was a little shy. I smiled and asked, "Do you feel like you've become beautiful after washing your hair?" The sister-in-law was stunned for a moment, looked at the mirror in confusion, and said: "It seems a little!" I nodded my head in agreement and said, "Yeah, as soon as my head gets into the water, of course my thoughts are different!" ”

2. A woman who is not satisfied with a small matter and wants to break up with a man, the man says: As long as you can break free of my hand, just divide it! The woman tried for a long time without success, and said: You hurt me. The man listened and immediately let go, saying: Love how you are willing to let you hurt. The woman listened and thought about reconciling: let's not divide it. The man said quietly: "But I have let go."

 3, drive back to the hometown, because it is a long distance, just eat something in the service area to rest. I saw a drink with a sign next to it: "Free to taste, not good to drink, no charge." Asked the waiter to make sure it was true. I thought I didn't want money to taste it anyway, so I said it wasn't good. Taste, taste OK, drink directly. After drinking, I felt that there was a taste of wine, and I asked the waiter: "How can there be a taste of wine?" The waiter said, "Didn't you read the instructions?" This is a drink with alcohol. I:...... At this time, I saw the waiter smiling like a flower: "Do you need to drive for you?" "Drive with caution and don't be deceived........

4, in order to successfully marry the goddess home, I secretly took my father's credit card to buy a second-hand Maserati icon. Today I drove to the goddess's rural hometown, and the rear wheel got stuck in the drainage ditch. There was no one nearby, and I suddenly thought of a video, someone encountered the same thing, he ordered ten takeaways, came to ten brothers to carry out, and then invited the brothers to eat some takeaway. I was going to try it too, and then I and the takeaway guy and the two of them would eat around ten takeaways and discuss which link was wrong!

5. When I married my husband, my father bought a Volkswagen Poloikon for me as a dowry. As a result, the new car drove for a week and was sold by her husband in the second-hand car market. After getting the money, my husband took me to Quanjudeonicon to eat roast duck. After eating for a while, I called the waiter over: "Did you add poppy shells?" The waiter said righteously: "We are a regular hotel, certainly not." My husband yelled at me, "I said it a long time ago, did you hear me?" It's not that you're addicted, it's that you're too hungry! ”

6. My wife is a high-achieving student at a medical university, and she is now an attending physician at the provincial hospital icononicon, and is a strong woman. Some time ago, the hospital arranged for my wife to visit and study in other places, and I seized the opportunity to make an appointment with my buddies to go out for drinks and get drunk in the evening. Just when I was having fun, my wife suddenly called me to check the post: Where are you? I said: At home!! Wife: Pressed under the table for 10 yuan, read me the number. I had expected this, and I turned over the five dollars before I went out. The number was reported, and just when I was proud, I suddenly heard my wife say: What year is the one-dollar coin at the bottom of the window?? I was momentarily confused, don't say it, I have to go buy a softer washboard!!

7, last night to cook crabs, after the water boiled, I threw the crabs into the pot one by one. The crabs were fresh and moving around in the pan. My wife was careful and kind, so she couldn't see this, so she hid behind me and covered her eyes and didn't dare to look. I was relieved: Wife, are we too cruel? Wife: Hmmm... Did you put salt?

8, once, my husband drank too much; after returning home, I took the mobile phone and said to my husband happily: "Look at it!" A picture of a girlfriend's son, like Dad, or like Mom! The husband looked at it, smiled and said, "Don't make trouble! Isn't this a picture of me when I was a kid! Then I picked up the kitchen knife and said calmly, "I thought I was alone!" ”

9 When I got home from work, I saw a small couple on the side of the road taking a taxi. I stopped the car and asked: Where to go? The girl said: Master, is it okay for you to go? Me: Sorry, not along the way. I was about to drive away when I heard the girl say to the boy: "Blame you, tell you to watch an earlier movie, and now you won't be able to rush back to school." The boy said without hesitation: "Or I won't be back tonight." Hearing this reminds me of my student days, alas! I decisively rolled down the window and said to them: I remember that I am going to your university to do something, get in the car, let's go!

10 I've known my girlfriend for over twenty years and grew up together. When I was in elementary school, we agreed that when she grew up, she would marry me. However, we didn't get married until we were thirty. I can't help but sigh: I already knew I wanted to get married, why did I drag it out for so many years! My wife said: There is a reason for that, when I was in my teens, I agreed, my parents did not agree; in my twenties, my parents agreed, I did not agree; this is not, seeing that I am thirty years old, our family is united!

11 During the lunch break, the female colleague whispered, "Brother, we have an appointment tonight, pretending to be the kind." I was indifferent, and the female colleague said: "It is not okay to give money, 300 an hour, my mother introduced me to the blind date, you pretend to be my boyfriend." "300 an hour, which is higher than the salary for a day at work, I promised to come down." In the evening, I came to the restaurant as promised, and there was only one female colleague and no blind date. The female colleague said we ate first. She ordered Western food and red wine, which was delicious, but until after eating, I still didn't see the blind date, and I weakly asked: "He didn't come, it's none of my business, 300 hours, no problem!" The female colleague glanced at me and suddenly asked, "Brother." Otherwise we fake the drama and really do it, and you will be my boyfriend. "The female colleague is very beautiful, I heard that there is a mine at home, but I still refused, I accompanied her to dinner for 2 hours, 600 yuan remuneration... She must not have wanted to give money anymore.

12 The brother-in-law won 10 million in the lottery ticket and was so excited that he could not speak. Turn around and go home to find his wife, and then announce the good news. Say: Wife, I won 10 million, let's get a divorce. Then the brother-in-law's wife divorced him, and 10 million was divided into 5 million to her. Then the brother-in-law cried for three days and three nights.

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #