Author: Smoke Wave
In the past two days, there has been a "father advising daughter" dialogue that has caught fire.
The cause is a girl, married, has two children, quit her job before to accompany her husband to work abroad, and has been working as a housewife at home.
After returning to China, her father repeatedly advised her to find a job that she was satisfied with as soon as possible and not to be a housewife anymore, which was not good for her.
Here's a message her dad sent her:
That makes a lot of sense, right? At least as a married man, I don't think there's anything wrong with this dad.
Since there are abilities and conditions, we must go up as much as possible, which is the real capital for women to settle down.
But the girl was angry and thought her father was insulting her.
In a fit of rage, she also posted her dad's conversation with her online, believing that what her dad said "broke her bottom line."
"No one else despises me, so why do you look down on me?!"
She even said that her father was a "rotten idea" that "emitted a stench."
I:????
How is this, I can't understand it...
Others will certainly not say anything, ah, with your eight poles can not hit, how will you in the future others what heart?
Only sober-minded biological parents would be persuaded in this way.
Especially sober fathers, they will be so anxious about their daughters out of worry.
Because as a man, he knows too well the way men behave and what most men think about marriage and their spouse.
For this girl, the current seemingly waveless years are quiet, in essence, it is likely to be precarious.
Yes, she looks very happy now, her husband earns money to support the family, she takes the baby at home, and the husband is also willing to take care of the family, not to throw his hands away.
Every housewife looks very happy at first.
But behind this is the stagnation of their own career and studies, which is a long-term disconnect with social activities, resulting in a growing income gap and vision gap between husband and wife, and gradually losing the right to speak and equal status.
And there are hardly any guarantees.
Last year, there was a news rush to the hot search, "the full-time wife divorced, only received 10,000 yuan in compensation."
The woman in question had originally run a restaurant before marriage, but after marriage, she interrupted her work because she was pregnant, carrying a baby, and running the house.
As a result, after 4 years of marriage, her husband filed a divorce with her on the grounds of "emotional breakdown".
The woman demanded compensation from the court for domestic work.
The court recognized her four years of dedication to the family and then awarded 10,000 yuan in compensation.
4 years, 10,000 yuan.
Isn't that tantamount to finding a free babysitter?
This is in Guangdong, the minimum wage is 2300 a month.
In other words, she worked hard to take care of her family for four years, and the "remuneration" she received was less than half a year's minimum wage.
Just like the netizens calculated, on average, she only gets more than 200 pieces a month, you are picking up paper shells in the community to sell, more than this number, right?
Wu Jiezhen, a well-known divorce lawyer, has also specially analyzed this problem, and he used actual cases to illustrate that although there are provisions on "housework compensation" in the law, it is not so simple to operate in practice.
Even if the children are carried by the woman and the housework is done by the woman, and the man does not participate in anything, he may not get any compensation for various reasons.
This is the real dilemma of housewives, because it is obviously a "job" that requires a lot of effort and labor, but it is not a "profession" that is recognized and guaranteed.
There is no five insurances and one gold, there is no specific value measurement standard, once the relationship is in trouble, how much "reward" can be obtained, all depends on luck and the conscience of men.
Some people may say, Old Chang'an, you talk about money with your mouth shut like this, is it vulgar?
But housewives have paid for their labor! What's not to talk about without talking about money?
Talking about feelings?
That's even less scoreless.
Normal people understand that feelings are a very unreliable thing, and examples of grace and love today and love for the sea and mountains abound, and tomorrow's old and dead do not interact with each other.
As bad as it sounds, who can be sure that the people who love you today will "love you" the same for decades to come? He said he couldn't get along with you, what do you do?
Moreover, in feelings and marriages, men never see illusory love.
A while ago, a man asked on the Internet that his wife had 300,000 deposits in her hands, how could she give her money to him?
His wife has worked for a few years, saved 320,000 savings, and now that she has given birth to a child, she does not want to go to work and works as a full-time housewife at home, so he is worried about the money in his wife's hand.
What is his reason for wanting money?
"If a woman has a deposit in her hand, it is not easy to manage."
"If she has money, I can't be bad to her, otherwise she will have the courage to divorce me."
"Only when a woman has no money, will her family be harmonious."
You see, men are very clear in their hearts, they are very clear, who has money has the right to speak.
They know very well that the most difficult woman to deal with is the woman who has money, and in order to make the woman "easy to deal with", they will think of various ways to deprive the woman of the possibility of work and earn money, forcing her to stay at home and teach her children.
But they only talk to you.
That's why, the wise father at the beginning of the article, rather than be scolded by his daughter, should also persuade her bitterly, the child is older, just hurry up and find a job.
He may not think it so complicated, but he knows men too well, and he knows that what men value most is not feelings, but interests.
He knows the reality of men, and knows that many men don't care at all about "women's sacrifices for the family" and "how much you pay for the children and the family".
When there are feelings, it is "wife you have worked hard", "how can I marry you", feelings are gone, that is, "money is earned by me, what contribution do you have to the family".
When you are still useful to him, it is "this family can not do without you", "I and the children are grateful to you", you are not so useful to him, that is, "I have no feelings for you", "you see what you have become".
If the woman does not even have a little savings, a little bargaining capital, in the face of this dilemma, she has no room for resistance, except for forbearance, she can only endure.
I once heard a girl tell a very helpless story.
She also quit her job after marriage to have a baby at home, became a full-time housewife, and her husband said very well before marriage, "I raise you", "you don't have to be afraid of anything with me".
As a result, after two years of marriage, her husband began to complain a lot about her, saying that she did nothing at home every day, only knew how to ask for money, said that she could not do it well, and that it was simply unlucky to marry her.
Later, she simply did not return home, and the money refused to call her, so she could only beg him to get to three or five hundred at a time and barely make ends meet.
This is the reality of most housewives, can not do the housework and can not stand up straight waist, no right to speak can only let the husband decide, a few dollars to open with the husband.
I have seen a news before that the woman was scolded by her husband in public for buying a box of 40 yuan of cherries, accusing her of not making money and "coveting enjoyment".
Dignity, confidence, and self-confidence are gone, what is the use of feelings?
The world is very cruel, there is not so much unconditional cherishing and love, and even most of the feelings are just a game, how much capital you have, how much respect can be exchanged.
So I've always been opposed to women being housewives, even if they have to temporarily leave work because they have to take care of children, and when they have the opportunity, they must quickly regain their ability to make money.
Don't say that you have to be financially independent, at least you have to let the other party have no reason to look down on you.
I am a man, I have no natural confidence in men, women should not have illusions, do not gamble with their own lives on men's love and loyalty.
Only money and ability will not betray you.
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