Did you know that in intimate relationships, there is such a pattern called "chase mode"?
In fact, in our intimate relationships, especially parents and children, husbands and wives, there is this pattern - the mode of pursuit.
Intimacy in this mode will always make people feel suffocated, so what is the "chase mode".
Simply put, the "chase and escape mode" means that one party complains about the demand and the other side avoids rejecting it. One side is emotional, the other side is indifferent. It's like a cat chasing a mouse, one side is always chasing, one side is always running away.
The "chase and escape mode" is such a relationship. Let's take an example. The husband was temporarily assigned a business trip and did not take the initiative with his wife to talk to his wife. The wife did not contact him for a day, wanting to see if the husband had anything in mind.
However, the next day, he did not wait for the husband to reply to his wife. The wife's emotions immediately came up, and she immediately called her husband and asked, "Don't you know that I am waiting for your information?" ”
The husband said: "Am I not busy at work, so busy that I have forgotten, not to mention that we are all old husbands and wives." ”
So the quarrel began, and the wife felt that the husband did not love herself, and the husband loved work more than himself.
It's like the husband is on a business trip, he has not taken the initiative to call his wife, the wife deliberately did not take the initiative to contact her husband for a day, in fact, she just wants to see if the husband has himself in his heart. But in the end things got worse and worse, and the husband felt that his wife was making unreasonable trouble and did not want to explain too much.
So the "cold war" between husband and wife began. The husband was calling his wife, and the wife didn't answer.
This is a very typical "chase and escape model", one side is asking for it, and the other side is avoiding rejection. So how exactly should we reduce or avoid such things happening?
01. Reserve space
No matter what the relationship is, in fact, you need to keep your own space, don't always think that each other is already an intimate relationship, there should be no password.
This idea is actually wrong, everyone has their own bottom line, and below the bottom line is their own private space, this space should be reserved. So don't always think that since you are a husband and wife, there should be no secrets.
As the old saying goes: "To be familiar with a person, to be familiar to an acquaintance, to be a relative, and to be born to a loved one." And "life" here can be understood as respect and attention to keeping distance.
Therefore, the more intimate the relationship, the more it is necessary to reserve some private space for each other. Believe in the other person, don't think that the other party doesn't love you because of a small thing, such as missing a phone call, forgetting to return a message, etc.
02, take the initiative in case of trouble
Another aspect is to take the initiative to attack, not passively, not to wait until things have reached the point of irreparability, and then think of remedying.
Usually it's too late at this time, so take the initiative to do things instead of waiting for others to find you, just like the couple mentioned above, in fact, their quarrels could have been avoided.
As long as the husband takes the initiative to talk to his wife when he is on a business trip, in fact, there will be no later things. But the more old husbands and wives, the easier it is to ignore this.
I always feel that even if I don't say it, the other party can know and understand. However, they forgot that no matter how long they got along, two people were two people after all, and they had two hearts. How is it possible to achieve heart-to-heart imprint? So remember to be more proactive when things go wrong.
03, do a good job of communication
Sometimes you feel like it's over, it's not over, it's just a temporary stop. It's like "turning over old accounts" in intimate relationships, because the previous things have not been completely resolved.
It seems to have been "reconciled", but this is only the prologue to the next quarrel. The next time you encounter something similar, emotions will explode immediately.
You can only slowly consume each other's feelings in this way, and finally make trouble to the point where you can't end it, and finally your feelings are facing disintegration.
And this is actually because the usual communication is not done well. Therefore, in the relationship, we must learn to communicate with each other well. Instead of dealing with each other in a "Cold War" way. This only makes the relationship worse and worse.
So, do you know how to avoid "avoidance patterns" in intimate relationships?
Wen | Ming floating life
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