Emotional counseling
As the New Year approaches, many single men and women of the right age think of going home for the New Year, and the "concern" of relatives and friends can't help but become anxious.
Seeing more and more friends getting married and having children around them, many single people are very confused and distressed, watching more and more friends around them get married and have children, and they also want to fall in love and get married.
Keep blind dates, expand the circle of friends, but cold and summer, year after year, still can't find the person who can accompany you for a lifetime.
▼ Emotional psychological counseling to explain for you: why are there countless blind dates, but still a "single aristocrat"?
Jiajia, 35 years old this year, seems to have entered the ranks of "leftover fighters".
Jiajia, a graduate of a prestigious university, is an executive of a foreign-funded company, and his parents are businessmen, and his family conditions are very superior. Such good conditions, but I don't know why, but she has never been able to find the object she wants...
In fact, as early as when Jiajia was 25 years old, she was hard soaked by her parents to participate in various blind date activities, and so far it has been dozens of times. She had seen many men of different professions, personalities, and ages, but still felt like there was no one for her. On the contrary, I was confused because of "reading countless people", and I didn't know what kind of partner I wanted to find. Unconsciously, the age is quietly increasing, and it is becoming more and more difficult for Jiajia to find a person who meets her needs.
Many friends advised her not to ask too high, lower down, or don't rush to define first, you can try to date for a period of time first, or it will be in love for a long time. Jiajia didn't try, but even if she tried to communicate, she couldn't go on in the end. Although her work and life are relatively smooth, her inner loneliness has always accompanied her.
Seeing her friends around her getting married and having children one by one, she was very envious, and she also hoped that someone would love her and enter into marriage hand in hand with herself. But I just couldn't find that person, very confused, very helpless....
Analysis of emotional psychological counseling
In addition to being voluntarily single, many singles, especially women, have been single, sometimes not because they don't want to be in a relationship. Not only do they want to have a good relationship, but they also work hard for it.
For example, improve yourself, go on blind dates many times, expand your circle of friends, but still can't meet the person you want, and gradually be left....
Although whether a person wants to fall in love and get married is a personal choice, but in general, if you have not really been in love or have not managed an intimate relationship after the age of 25, the reasons are worth pondering.
Jiajia has gone on dozens of blind dates, her heart is very confused and anxious, and her motivation for falling in love seems to be very strong.
But even if you lower the criteria for choosing a mate and try hard, you still can't be moved, and the relationship continues to fail, what is wrong?
01
Maybe the expectation of love is too high
When modern women seek love, they value "Feel" more than material things, and agree more with "as long as love, I can earn my own money to buy bread".
Such ideas have been enhanced with the improvement of modern women's status and economic strength, and in many literary and film and television works, love is mostly talented and beautiful, extremely romantic, and also gives women a sense of identity. But real love is not so romantic and perfect, which is not a small gap with people's expectations of love.
Therefore, if women who fail to accept real love and have a perfect vision of love are easy to be left with high expectations.
02
Perhaps expectations are too high for men
Many women's ideal criteria for choosing a mate are: personal charm, handsome and charming, intelligent and funny, single-minded, if the economic strength is strong, it is better... But in fact, there are no truly perfect people in the world, and everyone has imperfections.
Some people may have handsome appearances, but their personal abilities are average; Some people have strong work ability, but they are accustomed to dominance and do not know how to be gentle and considerate; Some people can speak well in the workplace, but they can't say a sweet word in an intimate relationship...
When women expect too much from men, they are often easily frustrated in interactions. If you don't understand which qualities and advantages you value the other party the most, you may not be able to tolerate some of the other party's innocuous "shortcomings", and you will be deeply frustrated in the run-in, so you will be disappointed in the other party.
03
Maybe it's the fear of getting hurt
On the one hand, many people long for love, but on the other hand, they are more worried about being hurt by the wrong person, so they want to find a perfect partner before they dare to start a relationship.
Therefore, in the process of searching, those who are not "perfect" will be ignored, but one of the important prerequisites for building intimacy is to break the boundaries of the self and open your heart.
If the heart has always been closed, does not show true feelings, and does not try to take the initiative to love, it is difficult for the two sides to further communicate and collide, and slowly hit the "spark of love".
When the mind is open, you can feel the fluctuations of emotions more smoothly, find the right person, slowly begin to communicate, understand, and become friends, lovers, and partners.
If you are always afraid of failure, fear of injury, and close your heart, how can you build a bridge of intimacy? True love has sweetness and pain, some people make us believe in love, some people let us see Nozomi and experience disappointment, some people make us know how to cherish ...
But no matter what the emotional experience, it is a learning journey.
04
Traumatic experiences in early life
From a psychological point of view, there are two important factors in the ability to establish a healthy and harmonious intimate relationship.
First, the original family and childhood experience: whether you have obtained enough and healthy love in the original family, and whether you have learned a harmonious and stable intimate relationship model;
The second is their own dedication to love: their own understanding of love, hard work, self-reflection ability, etc. Some people have had traumatic experiences growing up, leaving a deep shadow and therefore unconsciously closing their hearts.
For example, when you were a child, you were separated from your mother for a long time or abandoned, and when you become an adult, it becomes difficult to truly trust and rely on others, fear of being abandoned, and delay in entering an intimate relationship; Some people experience the unhappiness of their parents' marriage when they are young, and although they long for love, they are worried that they will meet the wrong person like their parents, or they are worried that they will not be able to maintain a healthy relationship and affect their children...
This kind of fear of intimacy is hidden deep in the heart, and when faced with love and marriage, these traumas will be triggered, making them unconsciously stay away from intimate relationships.
But if we can repair the trauma and fear that our early experiences have inflicted, the emotional path may go more smoothly. Jiajia may wish to reflect on whether her heart is open in the process of falling in love, in addition to the other party is not suitable?
Epilogue to emotional counseling
If you want to fall in love, want to enter marriage, and establish a stable and harmonious intimate relationship, you not only need to make more friends, but also need to put your heart in a state of tolerance and acceptance.
If you find that you can't get a satisfactory love after many efforts, you can seek the help of a professional emotional counselor. With the help of professional emotional counselors, find the root cause of being single for many years and get targeted guidance and methods, so that you can smoothly enter a healthy intimate relationship.