Text/Han Mei Yi
Figure/from the network
01
"Is having children and raising children just a woman's business?" Why do many people, especially men, think that having children is a woman's vocation? ”
This is a question that Wenwen has not been able to think of since she has a child.
In the past, when she first got married, Wenwen felt that the child was the crystallization of the love of the husband and wife, and it was the responsibility that two people should share, no matter how difficult it was to raise the child, as long as the husband and wife were in the same heart and supported each other, then everything was not a problem.
However, after having a child, Wenwen found that the matter of the child was not as she thought, because the people around her were teaching her how to take care of and care for the child, and never told her husband, as if the child was just her alone.
Even the husband who had sworn to "not share the pain of having a child, you must bear more of the hardships of raising a child", after having a child, his attitude was a hundred and eighty degree turn, and he did not do it as he said before.
Of course, it is also because of this that Wenwen and her husband had a big fight.
Wenwen's maternity leave is still half a month away, thinking that the elderly on both sides can't help, Wenwen and her husband discussed to find a better nanny to take the children.
After the husband listened, he said that he let a person who did not know the roots look at the child, too uneasy, and said that the cost of asking for a nanny was not cheap, and the minimum month was five or six thousand, rather than giving so much money to outsiders, it was better to save it for his own people.
For her husband's statement, Wenwen can also understand, after all, with their current conditions, it is indeed a big expense to ask for a nanny, she thought about it, so she made a suggestion to her husband:
"Or, you tell your mother-in-law and ask her to come over and help us again?" This time we will not let her help in vain, and then we will give her two thousand yuan a month. If her waist hurts again, then let my mother come and help for a few days, and the two of them will still rotate to help us. ”
The husband looked embarrassed, "If my mother is willing to come, you will no longer be angry with her?" Forget it, I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle things between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law at that time, and my mother is not young, and her health is not good, in case she is unwell for a long time, then we will not be able to her heart with the child! She is not easy, let her raise her body in her hometown, let's not bother her! ”
Hearing her husband's words, Wenwen's good mood suddenly disappeared.
What makes her and her mother-in-law angry?
I think at the beginning, on the tenth day of her confinement, her mother-in-law wanted to go back to her hometown to recuperate on the grounds that "every day to wash the little granddaughter's clothes, change diapers, wash farts, overwork caused waist pain unbearable", saying that she would come back again if she was better, at that time, although she was a little reluctant in her heart, she still understood her mother-in-law, agreed to let her mother-in-law return to her hometown, and then called her mother to help.
Originally, Wenwen thought that the mother-in-law would come over to continue to help as she said, who knows, until the child was two months old, Wenwen's mother wanted to return to her hometown, and the mother-in-law still said that "her health has not yet improved."
Thinking of the mother-in-law before leaving, a solemn face told herself that "on weekdays, we must pay more attention to the children, worry more about snacks, women must put the family first, let men make money without worries", Wenwen felt that the mother-in-law was deliberately returning to her hometown and did not want to help with the baby.
It is precisely because of this that she and her husband had a quarrel once, and at that time, in a fit of anger, she said, "I begged her today, she did not help, then she will not look for me after she has something, and I will get along with her as strangers!" ”
Although the husband did not say anything on the spot, who knew that in his heart he would think that Wenwen was angry with the old mother.
Thinking of this, Wenwen also felt very depressed, "My mother-in-law only came to our house a week before my due date, the child left less than half a month, she is not in good health can be understood, but would you like to help at least give a quasi-word?" After a while of saying that it is good to come to the handle, and then saying that the body has not yet recovered, this face has become like a trickster, which daughter-in-law's heart will feel better? I am not an unreasonable person, but I hope that when we are in trouble, she can help. With children, feeding children you usually basically have not touched, all rely on me alone, you understand the mother-in-law is not easy, then why do not want to think about me as a novice mother, tired or not? ”
02
Seeing Wenwen's aggrieved face, her husband hurriedly explained that he had no other meaning, just that his words were too straight.
"I didn't mean to complain about you, I just told the truth!" My mother's body has not been very good, and she will not deliberately curse her body because she does not want to take the child. I admit that I am not as careful as you with my children, and I know that you are tired with children, and I will definitely correct them in the future, okay? Our economic conditions you also know, now to hire a babysitter is really not appropriate, in my opinion, no one to help, you are at home with the baby, and then the child goes to kindergarten, we will ask the babysitter to pick up! We are definitely more reliable than nannies with our own children, and in the past few years, I will work harder to earn money! ”
Her husband's words made Wenwen fall into deep thought.
The child is less than four months old, if you really wait until the child goes to kindergarten, and then hire a babysitter, does it mean that she will have to leave the workplace for a long time? Leaving aside whether she can find a good job when she returns to the workplace in the future, if something happens in the middle of the way, such as filial piety to her parents' money during the New Year's Festival, or if her parents are unwell and need to be taken care of, and the husband or in-laws feel that she is eating idle meals with her children at home, let her make compromises or concessions, then should she obey? After all, eating people's mouths is soft, taking people short, she is a full-time housewife even if it is very tedious and tiring to take care of children, but there is no ability to earn money, there will be absolutely no bottom in many things, if the husband can always listen to her and take care of her, it is better to say something, but if the husband is tired, bored, and disgusted one day, is she going to see the face of her husband and in-laws to live?
The more she thought about it, the more insecure Wenwen became, and she shook her head and decisively rejected her husband's proposal.
"No way! I still have to find a babysitter, even if I use all my salary to hire a babysitter, I will never quit! Otherwise, one day in the future, you will hate me for eating idle meals at home, who will I talk to to? ”
The husband smiled bitterly, "My salary card has always been handed over to you for safekeeping, and the economic power of our family can be in your hands, how dare I dislike you?" Don't think about it so much, I will definitely strive to be a good father and husband in the future, I will not criticize you, I will not be bored with you, and I will not let you be wronged and angry! You used all your salary to hire a babysitter, what's the difference between that and not going to work? Do we have the money to ask the babysitter, and keep it for ourselves? ”
However, no matter how earnestly her husband said it, Wenwen was not moved, and she felt that even if she could only create a penny of value for the small family, she had to work hard to do it.
"I don't distrust you, and I don't just want to make money, but I don't want to derail from society and want to keep myself in a progressive posture." This is not only for me, but also for our marriage, and only when two people make progress together can it be easier to maintain a good relationship. ”
Seeing that Wenwen was so stubborn and her husband was impatient, he threw down a sentence of "Are you delusional about persecution after giving birth to a child", and then he pulled his face and sulked.
Wenwen felt that her husband was not listening to what she was talking, and she just wanted to let herself listen to him, and she was also afraid to go back in a huff.
In this way, because of finding a babysitter for the child, the two children got into trouble.
03
Regardless of her husband's reluctance, Wenwen made up her mind that as long as she could find a good nanny, she was willing to put all her salary in.
"My monthly salary of seven or eight thousand, no matter how you say it, is enough to find a similar nanny!" It's not that I don't trust my husband, nor do I look down on stay-at-home moms, but I don't want to pin all my hopes for the future on a man's conscience. Originally, the child was two of us, he could go to work, how could I have to quit my job to take the baby at home? Men feel that they are great as long as they take money from home, and if they can take care of their wives and children a little, they should be praised vigorously, but what about women? How many people think that a woman with a baby at home is blessed? ”
In fact, I personally agree with Wenwen's idea that women should fight hard in the workplace like men, and should not focus their eyes on children.
Of course, I am not here to belittle the mothers who are full-time at home with their babies, but to say that if the economic conditions are not very good, or they have enough confidence to control their destiny, then women must carefully consider before choosing to give up the workplace to return to the family, think about what situations they may encounter in the future, and must not lose themselves because of the good words of men "I will raise you", or the promise of "will not let you be wronged and angry" on a whim.
Many women will be soft and reluctant after having children: give the child to the elderly to take it, worry that the older generation's parenting style is unreliable, but give the child to the nanny, and are afraid of the nanny's abuse, scolding the child, thinking about it, and finally have to put down their work and "personally go to battle".
I have to say that the child is a mother's weakness, even if it is a strong and capable woman, with a child will become soft and delicate.
However, children should be more of a woman's armor, a woman's motivation to move forward and fight, because only if you are good, your children will be better.
Of course, there are also very happy stay-at-home mothers in life, they have husbands who love themselves, they have lively and lovely children, and they are happy and happy every day.
But I still hope that women, if they can, try to be a mother who can support herself, have the ability to support herself and her children, and have the confidence to choose how to live.
Zhang Defen once said something like this:
"Each of us has our own life script. The same script, some people acted into comedy, inspirational drama, others turned it into a tragic drama, depressed that they had ten thousand reasons to be miserable. ”
How each person's script is defined is entirely up to us.
When a woman does not limit herself to the roles of "mother", "wife", "daughter", "daughter-in-law", not only revolves around these roles, but does not forget that she is more about being herself and following her heart, then her future will be expected.