Wen \ Mu Xin, Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
Picture \ "Heart Dwelling" stills
In "Heart Dwelling", no wife is satisfied with her husband. It is strange that women who have resentment and hatred are not willing to completely leave the man who makes her angry through divorce.
The reason for not divorcing is nothing more than that it is difficult to raise the child alone because it is difficult to raise the child alone. After all, few women have the strength of Gu Qingyu.
Away and do not want to leave, do not leave and are not satisfied. So they and their husbands became strangers living under the same roof, and it was more appropriate to say that they were husbands than just fathers of children.
Are men who make women hate them so much that they really suck that badly? After reading the original book 3 times, I found that men do have problems, but women are not innocent, and their biggest mistake is to lose on these 2 points.
01 A road to complain to the end, insist on not divorcing, insist on changing men with complaints
In the original work, Su Wangdi and Gu Shilian, the sister-in-law, agreed that a man is a bone, and whether it is his own man or a man outside, he must all be trained.
Their way of tuning is simple and rude, that is, complaining. From beginning to end, Su Wangdi had never spoken well with her husband Gu Shihai, and even in front of her daughter-in-law, she dared to disgust him without any obstacles.
Gu Shilian is a little stronger than her sister-in-law, and she cares about her husband Gao Chang in action, but her mouth is like a knife, and she always looks like a female night fork with a vicious voice.
Obviously, he was very worried about his drunken husband, so when he brought out the osmanthus chicken head rice, he said viciously: "Eat! ”
As long as Gao Chang showed a hint of gluttony, Gu Shilian immediately put on his face: "You are not afraid of stomach pain, just drink." Get a stomach piercing again, and over the years I've fed dozens of turtles to dogs! ”
Feng Xiaoqin was young, and she also had a resentful woman's face, knowing that Gu Lei was a Dou, and she had to force him to study, as long as he grinded, then she didn't have a good word in her daily life.
The original intention of the Women of the Gu family was to let the man become the ideal look in their minds, and as a result, not only did it have no effect, but the men gambled like they were angry, and they believed in the reins.
Therefore, the women followed a new round of complaints, endlessly cycled the car rutted words of yesterday and last year, and became Lu Xun's Xianglin sister-in-law.
Even Zhang Zhilin understands:
"When a conflict occurs, first ask yourself, what is the result you want? Break up? Divorced? If none of them are, then don't continue to blame. ”
But in real life, most women just can't keep their mouths shut, and they are also like the two women in the original book, while not divorcing, they are fiercely resentful of their own men who are not in tune.
My mother-in-law is also such a woman, and the purpose of their mouths is never to solve the problem, but to vent and overwhelm each other, and then, delusional men to open up.
Marshall wrote this in "7 Journeys to a Happy Relationship":
"Problems in a marriage are caused by both parties, and there is no point in calculating who is right and who is wrong."
Yes, home is not a courtroom, there is no need to break out a right or wrong, but to see the other party's problems, you can also turn your eyes and see your own problems.
Reflect on this: Was this the way he was before he got married? If not, then why did he become what he is now? When did it start? When he first changed, did you teach him a lesson?
If not, think about your own indulgence.
In fact, as long as this man is still above his own bottom line, then he still keeps it, if he really can't stand it, then go to learn Gu Qingyu and divorce him.
Otherwise, the days will always go on, you can't change him, then at least you have to learn to pull the days to the open.
02 A good woman has the courage to admit her fate, and more importantly, the wisdom to change her life
Perfect men don't exist. Don't think that men are the combination of Guo Junwang and Wen Shichu, who can take care of the woman's body and go into the woman's heart.
Since you are not ready for divorce, then close your mouth to complain, recognize this man who is sick, take out the wisdom of changing his life, and strive for the most comfortable way of living for yourself.
Emotional writer Liu Na is a master in this regard, and the in-laws' 30-year-old resentment patterns are all side effects on her husband. Her anger at her husband did not respond at first.
The difference is that she doesn't continue to complain like the average woman, the man is good by nature and deserves her and him to continue to live.
She sensed that her husband was actually a wounded child, and she was overwhelmed with too many fears of parental discord. It was Liu Na's attack that aroused his past fears.
Therefore, when she was not accustomed to her husband, Liu Na no longer used resentment to collect debts from him, but just peacefully stated the problem and discussed the matter. The husband also gradually opened his heart, listened to her needs, and saw her vulnerability.
After work, her husband learned to typeset her public name, talked to her about sharing household chores, and she often praised her husband's progress, and she began to be happy for his growth from the bottom of her heart.
After 13 years of marriage, the days are getting closer and closer to Liu Na's expectations. You see, is the way Liu Na changes her husband more than Su Wangdi Gu Shilian's cattle breaking?
"List Life" has this passage:
"All marriages have a bad side because all people have weaknesses. If you live with another person, learn to deal with these weaknesses in various ways. For example, you can think of weakness as heavy furniture, and when you clean up the room, you can't move it to the side, but you can rub and sweep around it, keeping the illusion that everything is under your control. ”
Yes, treating a thing, a person, what do you really think, directly affects the direction of his life, and a woman's cognition of the relationship between the sexes directly affects the quality of marriage.
A good woman, instead of simply dragging the floor shiny and making the meal fragrant, is done. For men, women must know how to dial four or two thousand pounds, will adjust to have salvation, will operate to have happiness.
If you want to continue to live with him, and are willing to repair the relationship with a long period of patience, then in daily life, suppress every anger, restrain every resentment, and continue to work hard in the repetition of "three steps and one step back", until he even makes a little progress, you have to help him consolidate the success of this victory, then in the end you will find that he really changes himself more and more in the direction you want.
03 Mei Niang said
In the book "Wives Who Hate but Don't Divorce", it is said that In order to change the status quo of being resented by their wives, Japanese men spontaneously organized the "National Pavilion Owners Guanbai Association" (doting on their wives and assisting their wives). Amano, as chairman, said:
"Marriage is a prank of God. God tied two unsuitable people together. Only when you are married can you understand human nature and understand yourself. Marriage divides people into two categories, one is the person who is destroyed by the marriage, and the other is the person who has become broad-minded because of marriage. ”
This seems to be negative, but in fact, it is all the wisdom of people who have come over. In this world, there are no two identical leaves, and there are no two people who are completely suitable, and marriage is more of a process of sharpening oneself and one's partner.
If you don't want to destroy the hard-won home, don't live your life as a cage of "marriage = having children."
Cognition to the high, the heart to the broad, the thinking mode to open, with wisdom and pattern, reshape the relationship, maintain the family that you and I still care about.
If one day, the man you love doesn't love you, remember not to complain and you win
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