Running a marriage speaks of men's emotional needs and saying that men are equally eager to be loved and praised.
Many women said with a disdainful face after listening: "I really can't praise him (referring to my husband), things in the family don't matter, he is active in other people's affairs, and he doesn't give me a penny to use, there is nothing worth my praise." ”
From the face to the words are full of disgust, is this man really as bad as the woman says?
Of course not, otherwise how the woman was willing to marry him in the first place, but after marriage, many couples have been together for a long time, and they only have the shortcomings of each other in their eyes, and amplify the painful feelings that this shortcoming brings to themselves, thus ignoring the advantages of each other.
Meet a man who doesn't help him when he pours oil bottles at home, but he is very diligent at work and is happy to help female colleagues carry heavy objects, asking him why he is different from what his wife calls "lazy man", he laughs and says: "When a person always dislikes you, you simply want to pay." ”
In marriage, there are many cases in which husband and wife dislike each other. Wives hate men for making less money, don't love to do housework, love to play games, etc.; husbands hate women for becoming yellow-faced women, bringing bad children, not cooking well, and loving to spend money indiscriminately;
In marriage, in the face of mutual dislike, we need to understand the real reasons behind the dislike.
In fact, we all long to be loved, but there is only one reason why we hate each other:
The real reason why the other party does not understand themselves is to dislike the other party's inability to see their own needs.
Everyone is an independent individual who enters into marriage because they are in love, but everyone has their own emotional needs.
Women will feel that men have changed after marriage, no longer boo to themselves like before marriage, and no longer pay attention to their emotional needs, only know work or eat and drink, do not know the family and so on.
Once it is determined that men cannot meet their own needs, women will feel disgusted, think that men are the same as each other, and even resentful.
From the perspective of men, many men think that they have worked outside for a day, and they should enjoy the gentleness of their wives when they go home, and that they are "heroes" who provide better material conditions. I don't want my daughter to buy it at all, and even accuse him of paying too little for the family.
Both people are starting from their own needs, feel that the other party can not meet their own needs, think that the other party does not understand their own needs, dissatisfaction began to dislike each other, but did not consider each other's needs.
To dislike the other party and not to show favor to oneself is to dislike the other party for not seeing oneself.
Women love and dislike men in marriage, do not love themselves, do not earn money to support the family, feel that men are better to outsiders than to themselves, and complain in their hearts that men do not show kindness to themselves, so that their emotional needs cannot be met.
Men love to dislike women's nagging, do not understand themselves, etc. in marriage, do not have a good face for themselves, think that women know fierceness, and do not know gentleness at all.
From each other's standpoint, there is no problem, but in getting along, they are waiting for each other to show themselves, and excessive expectations will only wait for disappointment.
Because in good marriages and feelings, both men and women know how to show kindness to each other and know how to "exchange value". This is a prerequisite, to be able to see the good and value of the other party.
Couples who dislike each other, can't see each other, don't want to see each other's good, often love to ignore each other's efforts, only stare at the places that make them dissatisfied, and become each other's "bad evaluators".
Longing to be seen and loved, but using the wrong way of communicating.
After marriage, if the husband and wife have become disgusted with each other, the days will either be chickens and dogs, or the cold war will continue, each other will feel tired, and they will also think about divorce when they are angry, but for various reasons they do not have the courage to divorce and choose to make it up.
When you are in a good mood, you will think about changing this situation, but you don't know how to do it, and you can't find the real reason behind the problem.
In fact, there is only one reason behind the mutual dislike of husband and wife, which is to dislike each other's needs that they cannot see.
Husband and wife get along, many couples give their good temper and good eyes for finding beauty to outsiders, present their worst side in front of their partners, and think that the other party should be responsible for their emotional needs, and if they can't do it, they will be disgusted.
However, we forget to give love first, forget to think differently, only think about asking for love from each other, and become negative about the relationship.
In marriage, if you want to change the situation of mutual dislike, both men and women must learn to see each other first.
Many people treat their partners as their own appendages or cash machines in marriage, do not see each other, do not see each other's efforts and needs, and take it for granted that the other party should satisfy themselves unconditionally, but forget to satisfy each other.
When you want to dislike each other, you must learn to look at the problem from another angle, to discover the advantages of the other party, and learn to respect and appreciate each other.
"Happy Marriage" said: "If both husband and wife retain some of the most basic feelings, feel that the other person deserves respect, admiration to love, the marriage can be stable." ”
If you want to dislike each other, you must first realize the harm caused by your bad attitude and affect whether the couple's feelings are the result of your desire.
If you don't want to dislike each other, then learn to respect each other, have a pair of eyes that can see each other, learn to correctly express their dissatisfaction and desire to be seen, let the other party understand your needs, but also show willingness to accept each other's support or recognition, and let the other party find that you respect and love him, then he will communicate with love and understanding, so as to achieve a satisfactory result for each other.
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