Text/Twilight Photo/Network
01.
Watching "Dear Child" alone late at night, seeing Fang Yinuo in the moon so tired and depressed, I think she is actually begging for food.
Obviously invited the sister-in-law, but after the evening feeding to give the child to the sister-in-law, I found that the sister-in-law was asleep and did not wake up the sister-in-law, but dragged the child who had not yet recovered her body for a night; Ming was thirsty to the throat when breastfeeding, and wanted to ask the husband to pour a glass of water, but he cried, the husband did not respond, she did not call him; the mother-in-law also came, but she never let the mother-in-law help take care of the child at any night...
Spending money to ask the sister-in-law was originally to let the sister-in-law to help take care of the children, the husband should have fulfilled the responsibility of caring for and taking care of himself, and since the mother-in-law is willing to take care of herself, don't be afraid to trouble her.
Why bother to do a big wrong? It's not just yourself who suffers.
Why do I think that? Because I had done the same stupid thing before, I really felt how uncomfortable It was for Fang Yinuo to force himself to be virtuous.
When I gave birth to my eldest family, the confinement was made in my in-laws' house, and although my mother-in-law also took care of me to eat and drink and help me wash all kinds, every night in that month, when the child did not sleep and cried, and when I walked around holding the child all night, my mother-in-law was sleeping.
On the first night of being discharged from the hospital, my mother-in-law had to sleep with me (my husband was working in the field, did not accompany me every day, just every three or five times), but she said that the bedside lamp was too bright, she felt dazzling, she wanted to go back to her room to sleep, told me that if the child cried, I would call her, but when the child cried later, I went to her room to see her sleep dead, thinking that she was very tired of all kinds of food and laundry for me during the day, so I did not call her.
Then it was I who silently insisted, suffered silently, and she gradually got used to it, going to sleep at the point every day, and sleeping until dawn. As a result, instead of gaining weight after confinement, I lost a lot of pounds, and because of severe lack of sleep, almost all the teeth in my mouth were sore and loose, and I even felt difficult to bite a green vegetable.
In fact, I also feel depressed in my heart, why do others sit in confinement, my husband can take leave to accompany me, and my mother-in-law is constantly circling around herself and her children day and night, and I have to bear so much by myself?
But I just didn't say anything, always self-digesting. I didn't think that in fact, my mother-in-law had already slept, I couldn't hold on in the middle of the night, I could ask her to help, my body was still recovering, I needed to rest, I didn't have to be so strong and hard to be a good old man. I didn't lose my temper with my husband and told him to go home with me.
In the end, it is only in exchange for the so-called praise of "whose daughter-in-law is really well-behaved, really powerful, and can almost rely on her own children in the month", which has no practical use. That's all. Those long and difficult nights are known only to you.
02.
Not only confinement, but also many times in life, I am always afraid of trouble with others, I rarely ask people to do anything for me, but I am always very good at thinking about others, always trying to help others. For example, when I go to work, sometimes I have a bunch of things in a mess, but colleagues are idle in the fish, I am embarrassed to ask her to help me, wait until I have not much on hand, colleagues in the non-stop work, but I will take the initiative to ask if there is any need for my help, and then colleagues will naturally tell me what she needs me to help, and even many times, colleagues are looking for my help.
That kind of work is actually quite hard every day, but I seem to be used to it. While feeling that they should not bother others, they also have to laugh at themselves for being a little cabbage that no one loves.
Until one time, I was chatting with my girlfriend, I said why I always take the initiative to help my colleagues do something, but my colleagues never take the initiative to help me do something. Girlfriend said, you don't say, how do people know that you need help, people must think that you can handle it, even if people know that you need help, who wants to take the initiative to do work? Except for you who like to be wronged.
I suddenly reacted, I am actually eager for an active care and help, I take the initiative to care and help others, for the sake of others, subconsciously also hope that others do not need me to ask for the initiative to find my needs and help me.
I am often in a contradiction: sometimes I feel that I have done so well, why can no one treat my heart better than my heart? Sometimes I feel that this is all my own willingness, and there is no reason to ask others to see their own efforts.
I struggled with this contradiction, and eventually I kept being the one who kept draining my energy, eager for help from others to replenish my energy, but always didn't get help from others.
03.
Fang Yinuo in "Dear Child" is also not only in the confinement because of this problem to bind herself, toss herself, she is the same in life, as she said, after the child is born, up and down, inside and outside, the family affairs she did not let her husband Xiao Lu worry about, she herself while working with the child, let Xiao Lu take the family as a hotel, endure all kinds of dissatisfaction with the mother-in-law and the little uncle, what to do, can do, she did it all, but even if she has done so well, Xiao Lu is still derailed.
She did not complain until the day xiao lu cheated, in countless nights she was alone, when she couldn't see Xiao Lu, she had already hurt herself at the night outside the window, the child was sick Xiao Lu couldn't get through the phone, she was even more angry to the point of madness, she had always had resentment, but she was always silently endured, even if she occasionally said it, she just said it, and she didn't seriously say what she needed.
Fang Yinuo and I have not thought that people are different from each other, not everyone can compare hearts to hearts, not everyone can be delicate, there are some personal needs that need to be clearly told to others, not everyone can take the initiative to find your needs, rather than waiting for others to take the initiative to help you care about you, it is better to take the initiative to let people help you, take the initiative to tell people that you also need to care about ah.
Fortunately, I figured this out later, I tried to make changes, I would still take the initiative to help others, for the sake of others, but I also began to try to find someone to help. For example, I will start to try to ask my free colleagues if they can help me when the workload is heavy, I will let my mother-in-law help me when the child is sick, I will ask my husband to share the housework, and even ask people on the street to help me lift heavy objects (holding the child, the hand can not be freed).
As a result, I was helped almost every time I asked for help, I became relaxed, much happier, and I felt that I was also loved and could reap a lot of warmth.
If Fang Yinuo could also understand this and wasn't always so strong, her life should be better.
So, female friends, remember, no one is superhuman, everyone needs help and be cared for, don't always be stubborn and wait for others to take the initiative to be good to you, appropriate initiative to trouble others is actually an emotional exchange, in this emotional exchange, you can get close to happiness.