There is a line in "The New Marriage Era": "Marriage is not just a matter of two people, you marry him, you are married to the sum of all his social relations." "Deeply believe that love can be a matter for two people, like each other, spend the moon before, it can be." But marriage is not just a matter for two people, it is a matter for two families. The concept of door-to-door pairs that has been passed down for thousands of years also shows that the so-called match of marriage is essentially a match between two families.
The literal meaning of this line is to let us understand that when a woman gets married, the people she will get along with in the future are not only your partner, but also your partner's original family. The subtext is that you choose to marry him, which means that you accept to be unrelated to his original family. Our own original family cannot choose, and the other party is naturally the same
。
So
No matter whether the other person's original family is good or bad, no matter what kind of person the other person's parents are, when you accept the partner, their later life is tied to you to a certain extent. If you can't accept each other's original family, then this marriage, it is best not to get married. After all, there are some things that can be avoided as much as possible, but there are some things that cannot be avoided, such as giving parents a pension
。
Family affection is the most inseparable emotion we can not give up, because the blood is connected, because parents have the grace of nurturing for their children. Therefore, we cannot use our original "marriage" and our so-called common suffering to ask our partners to obey themselves and become unfilial people. Long-term love is never based on a complete disregard for family affection
。
The marriage between Wang Qi and her husband Zhao Dong came to an end because of Zhao Dong's mother. Zhao Dong was born in an ordinary family in the countryside, and the marriage of his parents belonged to the fate of his parents, and the feelings between them were not very good. Zhao Dong's mother belongs to the character of marrying a chicken with a chicken and marrying a dog with a dog, even if there is no love, but when she is married, she still strives to guard this family.
But Zhao Dong's father is not such a person, he does not like his wife, nor does he like his son, when his son was three years old, he said that he was tired of the quarrels at home and ran away from home. Zhao Dong knew this, it was his grandmother who told him that an old lady defended her daughter-in-law, and all kinds of complaints about her son were enough to prove the filial piety of the daughter-in-law and the filial piety of the son. Yes, Zhao Dong's mother, did not choose to take the child back to her mother's house because of her husband's departure.
Instead, gritting his teeth, a person pulled the eldest son, and even took care of the in-laws who had been sick in bed for many years in their later years. How difficult it is in the middle, how Zhao Dong can not feel it as he grows older. Therefore, his feelings for his mother are particularly deep. The first conflict between Zhao Dong and his mother was when he was in his second year of college, he went home from vacation, actually found that his father had returned, and instructed his mother to do various things.
Zhao Dong was very angry at his mother's behavior and asked her mother why she accepted such a man who abandoned his wife and son to go home? Even the funeral of his grandparents, he did not appear as a son, and now when he returns, he must have been abandoned by the women outside, and he must have come back with a problem to find someone to take care of. Zhao Dong's guess was not wrong, his father was indeed like the rumors in the village that year, there was a woman outside, he raised someone else's children, there was no use, but he was driven out.
The reason why Zhao Dong's mother endured this breath was because Zhao Dong's father told his wife: "If you don't take care of me, I will go to find trouble for my son." Zhao Dong's mother, who has no culture, knows that only studying well can change her son's life. She had suffered a lot and did not let her son drop out of school, so naturally it was impossible for her son to be affected at such a critical juncture as going to college. So she agreed to her husband's request and re-"accepted" the man's "turnaround".
Zhao Dong only learned from his mother after his father died of illness that he left his father in the first place.
He finally opened this knot with his mother, and he was even more distressed about his mother's difficulty and dedication for himself. He promised his mother that when he was able, he would take his mother to live with him and filial piety to her
。
The love between Zhao Dong and Wang Qi was promoted by Wang Qi, Who is beautiful in appearance and cheerful in personality, and Zhao Dong also likes her. But because Wang Qi is from the city, although he is not a rich family, he is still much better than his original family. Therefore, Zhao Dong has always rejected Wang Qi's active pursuit at the beginning, and explained the reason, saying that he has the burden of the original family, and the two families are not right.
But Wang Qi has always said that she does not care, saying that she knows Zhao Dong's family situation and knows what kind of life she will have in the future. In this way, Zhao Dong and Wang Qi finally came together. Of course, in the middle of this, Wang Qi's parents naturally did not agree, but they could not help their daughters, and this marriage finally became.
When he first got married, Zhao Dong wanted to take his mother to live with him, but because the down payment for the house was borne by Wang Qi's parents, plus at this time, the mother repeatedly said that she could take care of herself, and she did not want to affect the two-person world of her son and daughter-in-law. So Zhao Dong temporarily gave up the plan to take his mother over to live together.
At that time, Wang Qi was very happy, and she was a hundred people in her heart who were not willing to live with her dirty and poor mother-in-law in the countryside, and what she called acceptance at the beginning was actually a casual remark
。
Not long after the marriage, Zhao Dong resigned with friends to start a business, and in the five years of entrepreneurship, Zhao Dong was very hard, and Wang Qi was actually not easy. Zhao Dong knew in his heart that Wang Qi also had to pay, and he had suffered with himself, so he would follow Wang Qi in everything, as long as Wang Qi could be happy. Even more, the matter of buying a house and decoration was all handed over to Wang Qi, as long as Wang Qi liked it, he had no opinion.
But only after wang Qi euphemistically expressed his reluctance to take his mother over again, Zhao Dong still took his mother to the new house. The reason is simple, because the mother fell at home, the location of the old house is deep in the village, and as the neighbors have moved to the village entrance, or to live with the children after the family, few people usually pass by. This time, Zhao Dong's mother just fell to the ground for most of the day, and was not found.
In the end, the old man himself eased up a little and called an ambulance for himself. After Zhao Dong knew about this matter, he was no longer willing to drag it on, he ignored that he did not reach an agreement with his wife, so he took the initiative and took his mother after being discharged from the hospital.
It may be that all along, Zhao Dong has followed himself, so Wang Qi has forgotten that people have a temper, and they have also forgotten that the old ladies she looks at are her husband's mother and her mother-in-law
。
Even if the husband decides on his own, as a daughter-in-law, she cannot be displeased and speak badly in front of her mother-in-law
。 Zhao Dong took into account that his mother was present, and did not say anything more, and settled his mother alone. Because there was something very important the next day, Zhao Dong had to go out for a trip, so he was kind and kind, and advised Wang Qi to make some meals for his mother-in-law.
Wang Qi did not say anything at that time, Zhao Dong thought that his wife was acquiescing, but when he returned that afternoon, he found his mother lying on the bed, with red eyes. Looking at the takeaway box of the garbage can at home, there was only one person, and Zhao Dong was angry. He tried to suppress the fire, first boiled porridge for his mother, and after waiting for her mother to eat it, he was ready to talk to Wang Qi for a good talk. As a result, when he sent the dishes back to the kitchen, he kicked the trash can and kicked off his marriage.
Zhao Dong saw that in addition to the takeaway box in the garbage can, there were actually towels used by his mother yesterday and tableware for dinner, and he immediately blushed. In the face of her husband's questioning, Wang Qi said: "The old lady is unhygienic, of course, the tableware and towels she used will be thrown away, and I will not agree to her living in my house." If you don't send her back to her hometown or to a nursing home, we'll divorce. Wang Qi naturally did not want to divorce, and when she said this, she was nothing more than threatening Zhao Dong.
Wang Qi felt that he had also paid a lot in the past few years, thinking that when he married him, Zhao Dong would not ignore it. Her idea is not wrong, Zhao Dong is indeed not a person without conscience, he does remember his wife's efforts, remembers the hardships she has suffered with herself, and the grievances she has suffered. But it is precisely because he is a person with a conscience that he is even less likely to ignore his mother or send him to a nursing home if he is capable
。
Zhao Dong agreed to divorce, and divided two-thirds of the property and the current big house to Wang Qi, and he moved into the original small house with his mother. After all the dust settled, Wang Qi asked Zhao Dong, is it worth it to lose love and marriage for the sake of family affection? Zhao Dong smiled and said, "
Without the affection of my mother, how could I have the opportunity to meet love and marriage. Affection and love are not a matter of choosing one or the other
。 ”
Wang Zhongshu's "Song of Persuasion and Filial Piety" once said: "Ci Wu Shang feeds back, the lamb kneels on its feet", the crow feeds back, the lamb kneels, and the animal still knows how to feed its parents, let alone us humans. "The first filial piety, the second sincere faith", this sentence comes from the "Disciple Rules", the first mention is also filial piety.
It can be seen that filial piety to parents is not only a virtue, but also the foundation of being a human being. If a person can not be filial to his own parents for no reason, then how can you think that he is a person who will be responsible for marriage?
。
If you were Zhao Dong, would your choice be the same as his or send your mother to a nursing home in order to maintain the marriage?
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