Samuel once said, "The success of a marriage depends on two people, and one person can make it fail." ”
A win-win marriage is a successful marriage. To want a win-win situation, both husband and wife must work hard for the marriage, provide their own money, spend time and effort, two people are in love with each other, help each other, husband and wife, in order to exert greater strength, so that the marriage towards a happy ending.
If only one party works hard and tries his best to maintain the marriage, but the other party is like a person who pretends to be asleep, he can't wake up, he just wants to get benefits from the marriage, he doesn't want to pay, and even if he only has his own original family in his heart, there is no small family, then no matter how hard the other party tries, it is impossible to let the marriage go on.
Marriages that cannot be won-win are unfair, and sooner or later they will collapse, after all, their money and efforts are spent like water, but they can't see half a return, and no one can accept it.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong wrote in "Chinese-style love and love" that the unlovable things in marriage are because the original intention is not out of "I love you", but from "you give me" - not that there is something wrong in marriage, but that there is too much to ask for marriage.
If you take too much and not give what others want, then your greed will ruin your happiness.
Dong Qian was about to give birth and was about to be upgraded to become a mother, and she should have been excited and excited, but she quarreled with her husband.
Dong Qian believes that her husband is unreasonable, does not understand her, and does not respect her family, and her husband believes that Dong Qian is not a good wife, and when she marries, she still thinks of her mother's family and violates the interests of her in-laws, and the two people quarrel with each other.
Dong Qian felt very aggrieved, but also felt very confused, did not understand what she was wrong: "My mother waited for me to confinement, helped us with the baby, and took 210,000 yuan to marry my brother, shouldn't she?" ”
01. In his eyes, my parents favor sons over daughters, but I really don't think so;
Two years ago, Dong Qian met her husband Ding Zhenbang through blind dates, and the two people got along for a while, felt more appropriate, and began to talk about marriage.
When talking about marriage, due to the issue of the bride price, the two people had a disagreement. In Ding Zhenbang's view, marrying a wife to give a bride price is a traditional custom, very normal, he is also prepared, as long as the bride price is within 100,000, he can accept it, more than 10,000 or 20,000, can also be accepted. However, Dong Qian's parents proposed a dowry of 180,000 yuan and also stated that there was no dowry, which made Ding Zhenbang feel very unhappy.
In this regard, Dong Qian felt very normal: "If I am an only child, I can ask for a little less, or give a little dowry, but I have a younger brother who is three years younger than me, he has not yet married a wife, my parents have been raised for 25 years, I want a bride price for my son to marry his wife, what is not?" ”
Ding Zhenbang felt that Dong Qian's parents had a bit of a patriarchal mentality, but Dong Qian did not think so. After all, her parents raised themselves for college, and after she graduated, she took half of her salary every month to honor her parents, compared to her uncle who forced her daughter to give up her studies, went out to work at the age of 17, and confiscated her daughter's salary card, Dong Qian's parents were very good.
"I also like my brother a lot, always taking him, taking care of him, buying him things. When I got married, my brother told my husband that he would support me for a lifetime, and if my husband bullied me, he would not let her go. ”
In the end, it was Ding Zhenbang's parents who broke the siege and set the bride price at 150,000, and Dong Qian and Ding Zhenbang were successfully married.
02. I am about to give birth, the mother-in-law needs to take care of the husband's grandmother, gave me 10,000 yuan as a heart;
Knowing that Dong Qian was pregnant, Ding Zhenbang's parents were very happy, and Ding Zhenbang's mother also went to the countryside several times to buy an old hen to send to Dong Qian's house to supplement Dong Qian's body.
However, the matter of serving the confinement of the moon was difficult for Ding Zhenbang's mother, only because she was really weak and could not take care of her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law at the same time.
"You know, Bang Er has been cared for by his grandparents since he was 3 years old, and I have been working with his father for twenty years. His grandmother helped me take the baby for so many years, the kindness is too heavy, and now she is seriously ill, and the doctor also said that she can't stay up for long, and she can't take care of me, I can't ignore it! ”
Therefore, Ding Zhenbang's mother took 10,000 yuan to Dong Qian, asking Dong Qian to either ask for a sister-in-law or go to the confinement center, as for the matter of taking the child, wait until Dong Qian finished taking maternity leave and then make arrangements.
Dong Qian discussed with her husband, the two people were ready to ask a month sister-in-law to serve, Dong Qian also asked some friends, and the girlfriend recommended the sister-in-law who had served herself to Dong Qian.
Just when the arrangement was almost complete, Dong Qian changed her mind and planned to let her mother serve Yuezi.
03.
"Your mother? Didn't you say that your mom needed to work to earn money and help your brother get married? How can I have time to serve you for confinement? ”
Hearing that his mother-in-law was willing to come to serve his wife for confinement, Ding Zhenbang was very happy at first, but after listening to the true thoughts of Dong Qian and his mother-in-law, Ding Zhenbang turned from joy to anger.
It turned out that Dong Qian planned to give this 10,000 yuan to her mother as a reward for her mother to serve the confinement. When Dong Qian finishes confinement, Dong Qian's mother will stay to help her daughter with the baby until the child turns 3 years old, as a reward, Dong Qian and his wife pay their mother a one-time payment of 200,000.
"Am I asking for too much? You see, my mother with the baby for 3 years, a year will give less than 70,000 yuan, divided equally into a month, a month is also 6,000 yuan, my mother is now working, a month to earn almost this number, we are just equivalent to let my mother change a job. Isn't it better for a child to be taken care of by a grandmother than to have someone take care of it? ”
In this regard, Ding Zhenbang did not agree, for two reasons: "Your mother brought us a baby for 3 years?" Won't your brother get married in 3 years? After your brother got married and had children, how did your mother bring us a baby? ”
Moreover, if Ding Zhenbang's grandmother died, Ding Zhenbang's mother would set aside time to help with the baby, without a single reward.
"It doesn't matter if my brother has children, my mother can bring two children together!" Your mother does not have to come, save your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to live under one roof, there is a conflict, and there is a lot of quarrel. ”
Speaking of this, Ding Zhenbang understood all the plans of Dong Qian's mother and daughter. To put it bluntly, Dong Qian let her mother come to bring the baby, not only can she get 200,000 yuan at a time, solve the marriage of the brother-in-law, but also can not live with the mother-in-law, avoid the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is indeed a lot of things.
However, Ding Zhenbang is still unhappy, he not only feels that 200,000 is too much, obviously can save this money, but also feels that Dong Qian and her mother are not very reliable: "3 years is too long, if the money is given, your mother has a stall, I can still get the rest of the money back?" ”
Listening to Ding Zhenbang's words, Dong Qian felt very angry, and the two small quarreled. The news reached the parents of both sides, and the contradiction became more acute. Dong Qian's mother-in-law could not accept the idea, believing that the daughter-in-law was actually helping her brother by doing so, and Dong Qian's parents felt that their arrangement was reasonable and thought that The Ding Zhenbang family was too stingy.
04.
Dong Qian wants to spend 200,000 yuan and ask her mother to bring a baby, which can not only avoid the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but also help her brother, which is in line with her own interests and the interests of the original family.
However, Ding Zhenbang had concerns at the beginning, worried that Dong Qian would become a brother-in-law demon, and besides, the daughter-in-law was not willing to share a roof with her in-laws, and the son-in-law was willing to stay under the same roof with her mother-in-law?
Moreover, did Dong Qian's parents really not favor sons over daughters? In fact, it was Dong Qian who was brainwashed by the idea of preferring sons to daughters.
Psychologist Zeng Qifeng once said: "The relationship between husband and wife is the needle of the family, as long as the husband and wife relationship is the core of the family and has the first right to speak, then the family will be as stable as a rock." ”
Whether it is to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, or to deal with the relationship between the son-in-law and the father-in-law, if you want to solve it smoothly and do not cause a marriage crisis, you must follow a principle, that is, the relationship between husband and wife is the first.
It is necessary to find a solution that both husband and wife agree with, and the husband and wife work together to resolve the crisis. If you only think about yourself, disregard the feelings of your spouse, and be unreasonable, your marriage is likely to not be saved.
END.
Today's topic: Do you think Dong Qian's plan is reasonable? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.