Emotions are a unique proof that everyone is born, everyone has different emotions, but everyone's stories are the same, hello! Hello, I am Yu'er, pay attention to my words, into your heart!
Goethe famously said:
Whether it is a king or a farmer, family harmony is the happiest.
Family harmony is inseparable from the efforts of every family member.
Family members respect each other, tolerate each other, encounter differences, do not make up their own minds, do not sword, can be calm, have a deal, and seek solutions through communication.
Only such a family can be harmonious and happy.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said:
We need to always remember that communication is the most important thing in intimate relationships.
Good communication is the bridge of feelings and the foundation of family harmony.
The writer Su Hei said: Communication should be the first step for two people to walk together, not the last step.
Married life is full of trivialities, and disagreements are inevitable. When disagreements arise, we must communicate in time, deliberately avoiding will only sow the seeds of contradictions, and once they break out, it is difficult to recover.
01. Dear family, the child is 3 years old and I will bring it
Netizen Guo Yan (pseudonym) has been angry lately.
She has been married for 5 years, the child is almost 3 years old, from her pregnancy to confinement, it is the mother who takes care of her, and the child is also brought up by the mother.
However, the in-laws wanted to pick up ready-made products.
On National Day, the in-laws did not communicate with her in advance, but directly opened their mouths to the mother and asked the mother to hand over the child to them.
The mother-in-law said: "Dear family, the child is 3 years old and I will take it with you, you go home and rest well..."
The reason why Guo Yan is angry is because she feels that now that the child understands things and begins to recognize people, her in-laws will come to pick up ready-made ones, which is unfair to the mother.
What made her most angry was that she knew that behind her in-laws' wanton arrogance, there was no acquiescence of her husband and thin mud.
When they first got married, Guo Yan and her husband Lin Xuan (pseudonym) agreed on three chapters of the law, and their parents' emotions were responsible for each other's emotions, and if there were any contradictions and differences, they were responsible for communication and mediation.
According to the normal procedure, the in-laws want to take the child, first they will propose to Lin Xuan, and then Lin Xuan will go home and discuss with her. After she agreed, she came forward to communicate with her mother.
However, the in-laws skipped the entire communication process and went directly to the mother. Because in the local area, grandparents with children is the default tradition, they know that mothers can't refuse.
02. You go home and rest well
Behind the communication, it represents trust and respect.
Lin Xuan's behavior of not communicating with her in advance and making up his own mind made her very angry. At the same time, it also put her in a very awkward situation.
The mother is 3 years older than the mother-in-law, lives in a nearby neighborhood, and the mother has retired when the child is born. The mother-in-law has a position, and she can only retire at the age of 55, and she lives in the district and county below.
Coupled with the mother-in-law's personality, she is not very good at taking care of people, and her life skills are relatively weak, and she is usually mainly responsible for buying vegetables and cooking.
Therefore, the whole time the child is carried by the mother, the in-laws have limited contributions to the child.
In the first year of the child's birth, the mother almost lived in her house, the child changed diapers, cried, fell ill, and every night when she could not sleep steadily, the mother stayed up with her.
Guo Yan knows that her mother is very hard, and usually in addition to taking children, she will also help with laundry, cooking, and cleaning. She also thought about letting her mother go home to rest and enjoy the blessings and live her own retirement life.
However, compared with her in-laws, Guo Yan prefers her mother to stay.
First of all, the mother helps with the child, she can avoid potential mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts, the relationship between husband and wife will not be affected, and the family can maintain harmony.
Secondly, the mother's educational philosophy is similar to hers, and she is very principled in terms of living habits, consciously cultivating her child's independence, and the child listens to her most.
In-laws are relatively selfish, they worry that their children are not close to them, and they have all kinds of pampering for their children.
Every weekend or holiday, when I live with my in-laws for two days, the child refuses to eat on his own, and there are many other conflicts in the details of life.
03. Okay, ask my girlfriend
Guo Yan feels that the child's growth environment should be stable, and the growth education should be dominant, so that the child can go around in different environments during the character formation period, which will have a certain negative impact on the child in the future.
Moreover, in the two years when the child was the most difficult to carry, the mother persevered, and her feelings for the child were beyond doubt. At this time, letting the mother go back is unreasonable.
At that time, the mother did not respond positively to her in-laws' proposal, but let Guo Yan decide.
Guo Yan threw a tantrum at Lin Xuan and said, "Are you okay with me?" Is it as hard as it is for me to communicate in advance? Your parents went straight to my mother like this, which only made her feel cold.
Lin Xuan felt that her mother-in-law had brought a child for 3 years and had been very hard, so shouldn't she go home to rest and enjoy her old age?
Guo Yan said that if I proposed to her to let her go home to rest, she would feel that we were distressed by her efforts, worried that she was affected, even if she was reluctant to have children in her heart, she would be very happy when she returned home.
However, your parents are doing this now, even if my mother is really tired and wants to rest, she will only feel that someone has robbed her of the fruits of her labor.
Lin Xuan felt that this was a matter for the parents of both sides and let them solve it on their own; Guo Yan believed that it was the responsibility of the child's parents and should be handled by the child's parents.
The couple argued and quarreled. In the end, Lin Xuan was impatient, he chose to escape, let Guo Yan handle it by himself, no matter who took the child, he had no opinion.
Guo Yan was speechless.
If Lin Xuan had communicated with her in advance and sought a solution together, the current embarrassing situation would not have occurred, and the family atmosphere would not have become so tense.
04. Good communication is the foundation of family harmony
Guo Yan decided to refuse her in-laws' request to bring the child, but Lin Xuan asked her to go and talk to her in-laws herself.
In fact, in addition to the fact that the in-laws did not give enough support during her pregnancy and confinement, they were good to her at other times and very good to the children.
Guo Yan did not know how to refuse for a while, so as to make her in-laws less sad, and at the same time, she could make them retreat from difficulties.
There is a saying that says: Family affection is estranged, and living in a high house is also very interesting; the family is harmonious, and the bamboo hedge hut is also full of heart.
It is the happiest thing for a family to get along with and be in harmony.
Good communication is the foundation of family harmony.
Under the premise of respect and tolerance, the family can communicate effectively and effectively, and most of the differences in life can be resolved into invisibility.
The psychologist who told Saike once said:
Communication is the first and one of the most important keys to solving marital problems, and communication can solve most marital problems.
Most of the things in marriage are husband and wife affairs, and the communication between husband and wife must be timely. Communicate in advance, better than to make up for the pit afterwards.
There is a saying on the Internet that says:
Home, not a battlefield, does not need to wave the flag and shout, on who wins or loses; home, not a chessboard, does not need to be careful, beware everywhere.
Family harmony is the happiest thing.
Do you think it is a rejection of the in-laws? Or do you let the mother go free and let the in-laws take the children?
Well, today is here, I hope that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Yu'er, please pay attention to me, give the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~