1, last night lying in bed playing with mobile phones, suddenly a goddess sent a WeChat message asking: "What are you doing?" I thought it was a buddy, so I habitually replied: Dry! Your sister! Press it as you say it

1, last night lying in bed playing with mobile phones, suddenly a goddess sent a WeChat message asking: "What are you doing?" I thought it was a buddy, so I habitually replied: Dry! Your sister! Speaking of pressing the send button, at that moment of a thousand gunshots, I pressed and held down the send button, directly got up, got out of bed, kicked my legs, kicked off the power of the router, sighed, let go of the send button, Konima, the phone automatically connected to the 4G network! It's all fate, it's all fate!!!

2. In the evening, my daughter-in-law made a table of meals that I loved to eat. Eating soundly, the daughter-in-law suddenly put down her chopsticks and stared at me all the time. I saw that my heart was straight and hairy, and I asked: What's wrong? The daughter-in-law sighed and said: I think it is impossible for me to lose weight, you see you, eating is like being hungry for three days, a glance is particularly appetite, I want to lose weight, unless you are suspended first...

3. On the eve of the Mid-Autumn Festival holiday, I found that the group leader was sad and sad. I asked him what was going on, and he said, "Well, it's over the holidays, and it's going to be blocked again." Me: You don't have a car right now, what are you worried about? Team Leader: If you have big fish and big meat during the festival, my blood vessels are going to be blocked again. Me: It's easy to do without blocking. Team Leader: Did you just shut my mouth? Team Leader: No, you put a warning sign next to the big fish and big meat, in order not to block the blood vessels, please go around.?

4. When my father and my mother got married, my grandfather said that he didn't agree with anything. Today my dad and my grandpa were talking and laughing at the dinner table, and my mom couldn't do it. My mother said to my grandmother: I just said, people can't look good, and at that time you said that you couldn't look at her well! Grandma glanced at my mother and said, "Alas! The guy was handsome, and at that time I was afraid that you would be hurt by being dumped, wasn't it? It's not good...

5, just moved into the community near the company, I live upstairs uncle Zhang, usually the children work outside the often come back, uncle bought a dog to relieve boredom. Usually, I walk my dog when I'm fine. Some time ago, I heard that when Uncle Was walking his dog in the park, he suddenly fainted and was unconscious. Thanks to his dog calling a doctor, he was able to turn the corner. After that, people said that Uncle's dog was smart, and Uncle always helplessly explained: "What is smart, it was actually a veterinarian that day." ”

6. There is a very fierce criminal who has finally been subdued with the help of everyone. In the end, the government believed that the sins committed by this man were irreparable, and sentenced this man to death. On the day of the execution, the executioner accompanied the condemned prisoner. When the prison cart was 100 feet away from the execution ground, the executioner said to the death row prisoner: 100 meters ahead, make a U-turn.

7. The good big brother interjected the door last month to marry a rich woman worth billions, and did not expect that the rich woman died of a heart attack on the night of the new marriage. Big Brother took the inheritance and opened a super-large-scale bathing center. Yesterday I sent a little drive cadillac to take a shower. After washing it out, the good big brother asked me to send small: Brother, are you a crayfish? Fa Xiao: What does this mean? Good big brother: Just now the uncle who scrubbed the bath said that you are not scrubbing, you are out of the shell!

8. When I was a child, our family had a good relationship with the neighbor, and then the neighbor gave birth to a daughter. At that time, my father drank with each other, and finally privately ordered me a doll kiss, just because of this matter, I was ridiculed by my friends. I also felt very ashamed, so I went on a hunger strike and let the family quit this family affair, and my father reluctantly agreed. Now whenever I mention this matter, I always say with emotion when I am nearly forty years old and still wearing a bare stick: Man, you must have foresight. You see I'm alone now, I don't know how happy I am!

9, I am a Didi driver, this morning to take a single order, the phone call past a woman. Wait a minute to come up a hair that is more slab than me, and the clothes are more neutral! I said: Brother, are you on the wrong car, I picked up a girl. Passenger: What kind of eyes, am I not a girl? I said with instant embarrassment: I'm sorry beauty, you fastened your seat belt and we set off, I didn't dare to speak all the way, and now I've changed from 4.9 stars to 4.8 stars.?

10, my mother asked me to marry her distant nephew, I was confused by my mother, and I smashed the TV in a huff. My mother threw me straight into the kennel at the gate, where I squatted and cried. Grandma came over to comfort me: "Temper has to be changed, so don't understand things, don't cry, Grandma ordered you takeaway, said what do you want to eat?" Me: "That... Orleans grilled chicken wings, cheese milk sticks, milk tea, grilled gluten, plate squid! Grandma interrupted me: "Forget it, I'll go out and coax my daughter-in-law to go...

11. After work, our colleagues in the office said to go to eat hot pot together, and after eating, they played mahjong. My wife sent a video to check the post! I hurried to the table where the hot pot was placed and picked up the spoon. Open the video: Wife, I'm playing hot pot! Wife: You spoon the soup with a spoon! The soup is real, I am not afraid of the filling, I scooped a mouthful of soup to drink. My wife: You went to play mahjong, right? Fattened up! Spoons all out!?

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #