1 Shell Lang and Mosquitoes talk about love for the first time, Shell Lang: What do you do? Mosquito: Nurse, the needle Shell Lang grabbed the mosquito's hand and cried bitterly: Fate, I also.

1 Shell Lang and Mosquitoes talk about love for the first time, Shell Lang: What do you do? Mosquito: Nurse, needle Shell Lang grabbed the mosquito's hand and cried bitterly: Fate, I am also practicing medicine, Chinese medicine, pinching pills!

2. A girl returns to the gangsters at night. The gangster fiercely asked: Stop! Why go? The girl did not want to be robbed of her money, so she said pitifully: Go and borrow money. The gangsters still asked fiercely: What do you do with the money? The girl was afraid of being robbed, so she said: There is no money to treat strene diseases. Gangster Roar: Roll!

3. One day I suddenly found that I had a great aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt, a fifth aunt, but no third aunt. So I asked my dad: Why don't I have a third aunt? I thought for a moment: Did the third aunt die when she was a child? My father said angrily: Your third aunt is your mother!

4. A man anxiously awaits his wife in labour in the waiting room. After a long time, a smiling nurse pushed out a stroller with three babies. The man looked closely at the three babies and solemnly said to the nurse, "I want this one in the middle." ”

5. There is a young man pretending to be a woman to chat with male netizens, cheated people to buy him a love crazy 6, male netizens asked to meet, he was afraid of being recognized after not cheating things to let his wife meet for him, the result was that his daughter-in-law eloped with male netizens.

6. When I handed a lottery ticket of five million to the lottery center staff, everyone immediately cast envious eyes! I took out a second one, or five million, and everyone was stunned! When I took out the third one, the air stopped flowing! ...... When I was about to take out the fourth one, my wife woke me up and said disapprovingly: "I am not honest in sleeping, tearing the book piece by piece, and laughing so loudly!" ”

7, a man is about to jump off the building, just rushed back to the wife shouted: "Dear don't be impulsive, our road is still long!" The man listened and jumped down without hesitation. The negotiator standing next to him said, "This lady, you really shouldn't have threatened him like that."

8, a meteor in the night sky streaked, I hurriedly made a wish, I hope you can become more beautiful. Who knew that just after making a wish, the meteor "whizzed" back and said to me, "Big brother, am I ?!!

9, panda birthday, to everyone: I made two wishes, one is to be able to cure my dark circles, the other is to hope to have a color photo

10. Yesterday you went to play in the mountains, and as a result, you touched a wild boar to eat you, and at this moment, you shouted: Mom. Wild boar was stunned: Baby, don't run around in the future, you see, they are all thin like this.

11. The wife of the lottery player Lao Li has recently begun to indulge in the lottery, and at first Lao Li still felt that there was nothing, and later found that his wife could not even take care of the meal when playing the lottery. On this day, Lao Li saw his wife again in the betting station and said angrily: "You can only study the lottery now, and the family affairs don't matter, I have seen you here nine times out of ten!" Wife: "Why do you say me, I am still one less than you!"

12. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal lately, what to eat, what to eat, eat cucumber pull cucumber, eat watermelon pull watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat.

13. The same table has a cold and runny nose, but he forgot to bring a handkerchief, so he constantly inhaled the snot into his nose. >, who was writing on the blackboard, suddenly turned around and shouted, "Enough! Stop me! It's dead! "The class was quiet. The teacher > again and said, "Who is so loud when stealing noodles in class?" ”

14. "Narcissism" means that in the next life I must reincarnate as a woman, and then marry a man like me; "Despair" is when the restaurant orders two dishes and eats the first one: "Is there anything worse in the world than this?!" Eat the second "Lean! There really is!"

15. A prisoner executes, the bullet is produced by "so-and-so county", the quality is not good, the first shot is not released, and then the second shot is fired... The third shot... At this time, the prisoner cried: "You strangle me, it's too scary!" "

16.2, a patient with dyspepsia complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal lately, what to eat, eat cucumber pull cucumber, eat watermelon pull watermelon, how can I get back to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat.

17. The daughter told her mother that because her mother objected to her falling in love with her boyfriend, her boyfriend committed suicide by serving *** . The mother was shocked: "Suicide? The daughter said: "Fortunately, he took the wrong medicine and did not die." The mother said: "I have long said that he is a sloppy man, a big grin, and he can't make a big deal." You see, even if this little thing is wrong, how can it be entrusted for life?

18. In order to get my husband to agree to buy me a new coat, I deliberately pulled off the buttons of the old coat twice, and then said to my husband: "The coat buttons are lost twice, how ugly." Before I could finish speaking, my husband said, "Well, tomorrow we'll go buy it for you, and buy the best." I said, "The best must be a thousand, just buy a few hundred." The husband said in surprise: "What, two buttons cost hundreds of dollars?" Impossible. ”

19. When I just used QQ, I didn't understand it. During a chat, netizens asked me: How to upgrade QQ software? I don't know how to pretend to understand, answer: you uninstall this old one first, I will tell you how to do it! So, half a minute later, the netizen's avatar turned gray. Since then, this person has disappeared...

20. When taking the bus in winter, everyone loves to wear gloves, so that when holding the cold handrail, there will be no bone-to-bone feeling, but I don't have this habit, never wear gloves, once on the bus, two middle-aged women who stand up to the bus stop, come up to the side if no one chats loudly, just listen to a talk: "It's almost the Spring Festival, there are many thieves, and I pay more attention to thieves when I take the bus." Another said: "But no, I told you that the average thief doesn't care how cold it is and doesn't wear gloves, just for the convenience of work..." I looked at it later, and I didn't have gloves on the whole car.

#Funny# #幽默搞笑段子 #