1. After marrying the daughter of the chairman of the board of directors with more than 300 pounds, I was promoted from the company's security guard to the general manager. Yesterday, after receiving a salary of 700,000 yuan, I came to a roast chicken stall at night and asked:

1. After marrying the daughter of the chairman of the board of directors with more than 300 pounds, I was promoted from the company's security guard to the general manager. I received a salary of 700,000 yuan yesterday, and I came to a roast chicken stall after work in the evening and asked, "How much is a roast chicken?" Boss: "A 60!" "I remembered what my wife had told me before, to learn to bargain in half when buying things. So he said, "Half, 30." Boss: "Okay! Get it right away. So the knife fell from the hand, and the skillful knife worker fell into the bag. I happily took the roast chicken to my home and said to my wife: "Wife, you said that I will not bargain, I bargained successfully today, half cut, the boss wants 60, I cut to 30." The wife took the roast chicken, opened it, and slapped me: "You even cut the roast chicken and bought half of it. ”?

2, a primary school student turned into a comic shop after school to read a comic, and suddenly a middle-aged mother shouted on the street: "Xiaoming, you rabbit cub does not come home after school, you know how to play all day, let me catch you and die." Only to see this elementary school student comic lost, running wildly to escape, just running for a while suddenly stopped, angrily said: "Why did I run away?" I'm not Bob. ”

3. At the end of the month, I accompanied a roommate to a nearby bank to collect living expenses, and happened to meet a cash truck at the door. To cooperate with them, we waited at the door for half a day. I was a little bored, so I asked my roommate: Is it freezing your hands? The roommate sighed and replied with a trembling voice: Frozen hands. I heard the clicking sound, and the four muzzles next to me pointed at the two of us at the same time...

4, our family said good me and my wife each cleaned a week. After only two or three days of work, my wife was a little impatient, so she wrote on the small blackboard of the family: family hygiene, everyone has the responsibility. The son came back from school, added a horizontal to the herringbone, and the blackboard became: home hygiene, adults have the responsibility. "After I got off work, I added another horizontal, and the blackboard became: Home hygiene, madame is responsible. The wife stomped her feet in anger: This year lazy people are not terrible, they are afraid that lazy people have culture!

5, my wife worked overtime at night, I took my sister-in-law to eat hairy crabs, and there was a student couple sitting next to me. Man to woman said: Honey, you love me so much, I will definitely make good money in the future and let you live a happy life! F: Don't think about it so much, you are so tired of reading, come, eat a big waist to make up for it. What a touching scene, I almost believe in love... If it wasn't for the fact that I saw this woman yesterday, repeat the same dialogue with another man!

6. When I was in high school, the rules and regulations of the school were particularly strict, and at night, the housekeeper would check the room and not let us play mobile phones. That time, a roommate bought a pair of fluorescent autumn pants, which were very conspicuous at night. Who knew that the big mother came, saw his fluorescent autumn pants glowing in the bed, thought it was a mobile phone. The aunt went up and grabbed it in her mouth and said: Haha, I found it now. The scene at that time was very embarrassing, and I can't forget the terrified eyes of my aunt until now...?

7. The brother-in-law spent 100 yuan on Pinduoduo to buy a Maserati car key. In the evening, when I went to the bar, my brother-in-law threw the key casually on the table, and immediately a beautiful woman came over. The little brother-in-law thought to himself: Playing wide really works!! Beauty said: Let's go for a drive and watch a movie together. The brother-in-law said: Just drank vodka and can't drive. Beauty said: I just drank the orange soda, I will drive me to drive. Then Beauty really drove her Porsche for a ride with her brother-in-law... The little brother-in-law said: It's incredible!!

8. Because of the shadow in my heart when I was a child, I wanted to be a dink, and I put on a birth control ring after marriage. Unexpectedly, the birth control ring accidentally fell off, resulting in the pregnancy of the child, and my husband encouraged me to give birth to the child. Now that my daughter is in elementary school, my husband tutored her daughter to write her homework last night. After a while, he walked up to me and said breathlessly, "Hurry up and beat your girlfriend, it's too abrasive, it's angry with me!" Curious, I asked, "What do you want me to do, don't you beat yourself?" Husband: "I really don't want to fight, or you go." ”

9. After the girlfriend broke up with her boyfriend and found out that she was pregnant, my wife and I decided to let the girlfriend give birth to the child. The wife spent 20 yuan to buy three native chickens that can lay eggs and put them at home to raise, ready to supplement the nutrition of the girl. It was getting hotter, and one chicken hadn't laid eggs for a week and was still in a bad mood. So I called and asked the veterinarian buddies, is this chicken suffering from heat stroke? He said to come and see what was going on after work. In the evening, he took a knife and carried wine and said that he had come to help my family chicken cure his illness!

10, when I was in high school, I dropped out of school and returned to my hometown, went to the ground with my father, and when I grew up, I wanted to go to the city to find a decent job, but they all had the requirements of academic experience, I could only go back to my hometown again, I felt that the house in my hometown was a little too small, and I wanted to re-build it and build a two-story cottage. Asked the contractor, the contractor introduced, "How much do you want to build?"?" There are also two or three hundred thousand, seven or eight hundred thousand, drunk as low as one hundred thousand, not capped. I took out all my savings and said to the contractor, "Let's get two hundred thousand." On the day of acceptance, I found that this house really did not have a roof!!

11, before the work has always been in the field, rarely come back, the brothers' sons are more than four years old, I have not yet fished to see. Now that I came back, I went to my buddies' house as a guest, and I saw that the four-year-old child liked it very much, so I took a few hundred dollars and stuffed it into him. The child did not raise his head and waved his hand vetoed, I tried to stuff him three times in a row, the little boy was always unmoved. How many unprofitable children are there now? This child's tutoring is really good, and I am secretly admired in my heart. When I was parting, the child stopped me in a corner: Uncle, if you really want to give me money, you will buy me good food in the future, fun will have to do it, what is the use of giving money, ah, in the blink of an eye, my mother will receive it!?

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #