1. My wife was pregnant with her manager's child, and I divorced her in a fit of anger and let her get out of the house. The landlady knew that I was in a bad mood and invited me to the stall to drink and eat skewers. Thanks to my wine

1. My wife was pregnant with her manager's child, and I divorced her in a fit of rage and let her get out of the house. The landlady knew that I was in a bad mood and invited me to the stall to drink and eat skewers. Since my alcohol intake is particularly good, ten bottles of beer are under the stomach, and people are not dizzy and dizzy. Several times the landlady tried to attack me, but didn't find the opportunity. Finally, the landlady ran out of patience and directly proposed non-division to me, but I had just divorced and was in no mood for perfection. I told her a pair, if you are right, you want to get my appeal, I am acceptable. I said: "Looking back on the past, it is like a dream, but I don't know that I am a guest in my dream, I am greedy and happy, and I am tired of beautiful people for no reason!" Falling flowers? How can you remember that you are delusional or unintentional, heaven and earth? The landlady was immediately confused: "So long? Who can come up to you? ”

2. Introduce the boyfriend to the girlfriend to know, about at the subway station, in order to make the girlfriend feel that I have a very close relationship with the boyfriend, I want to rush over to give him a hug, but the foot slipped, I fell forward, panicked and hugged the boyfriend's thigh. So the tragedy happened, the boyfriend was short-sighted, did not recognize me at the time, he actually threw his legs back, and said in his mouth: "No money, no money, go away!"

3. One day, my buddies and I went to dinner and saw a beautiful girl, so my buddies greeted the waiter and said, "Bring a plate of pork to the girl over there." After a while, my friend said: "Send a plate of beef, send a plate of lamb, send a bottle of wine..." After waiting for half a day, the sister finally spoke, and my friend was excited. The girl said, "Eat a buffet, can you stop pretending?" ”

4 The sister-in-law graduated from the Civil Aviation University, and now she is a car model, with big legs and a figure that looks good. Recently, my sister-in-law had a new boyfriend, showed me pictures, there are short and ugly, I can dump him eighteen streets. I asked my sister-in-law: You are so beautiful, and the conditions are so good, how can you look at this kind of goods.

 Sister-in-law: At the auto show today, she bought the car in full on the spot. I asked: Just because I bought a car? Do you associate with him? What car are you showing today? Sister-in-law: The model of today's exhibition is Mercedes-Benz. Curious, I asked my sister-in-law: Just a Mercedes-Benz, you can associate with him? Your brother-in-law and I are also driving a big run? The sister-in-law said: No, he bought 60 cars in full at one time, saying that he would give benefits to the company's employees. I think he's so nice to his employees, he's sure he'll be nice to me. I listened and looked at her in an instant.

5 Last month my mom was going to the wedding of a wealthy girlfriend and spent a lot of money to go outside to do her hair. I looked at the sad one and said: Say well together to the white head, but you baked oil halfway. The mother who was busy in the kitchen heard it and said: Son, you will be satisfied. I also told your dad that he said he would go to The Whitehead together, but he was bald halfway.

6 These two days Foxconn machine check, you can have a good rest, so about the good buddies in the dormitory to go online. After arriving at the Internet café, we both started the journey of the summoner canyon with nervous magnetic poles. Among them, his teammates chose a Zhao Xin to fight wild but never hit the river crab. So I kindly reminded him to go to the river crab, and there is an economy that can still occupy the field of vision. What I didn't expect was that this buddy replied: Bao apologies, I have seafood allergies...

7 Take your girlfriend downstairs to eat potato flour after work. My girlfriend ordered a big bowl, and I ordered a small bowl when I couldn't eat it. The noodles came up, the small bowl on the first, I ate it naturally, and the aunt brought a bowl of potato flour, with a faint hesitation: "Boy, you two ate the opposite, right?" As a result, the girlfriend blushed with shame and said that she would never eat so much again.

8 On the weekend, I took Erha downstairs to let the wind blow, and the goods ran too fast to control and rolled down the stairs. When I looked over, the dog's teeth were broken and his legs were lame. Then, quickly take it to the veterinarian, the veterinarian said: the leg is no big deal, rest for a few days, the tooth should be observed, if it turns black, it will have to be pulled. I asked: After the tooth is extracted, will it run away when it is called up in the future? He smiled: "Don't run the wind and you don't know what it says!"

9 Girlfriends become very searchable after work.

Called me today to say invite me to the buffet, but it was still a bit far.

I couldn't have missed this opportunity, and as a result, we both went to the cornfield and broke off the tender corn.

She also urged me to quickly find something to make a fire, and the two of them ate roasted corn by the river, but she kept telling me: Don't be polite, let go and eat, not enough to break the !!!!

10 I told the nurse: pretending to be my girlfriend once thirty thousand, she agreed, and less than three months later she ran to me angrily and asked me, how long are you thirty thousand times, it will not be a lifetime. I asked her how long you thought it would be appropriate, and she smiled and said, "As long as you don't want the jewelry your parents gave me back, it will take as long as possible." It feels like it's going to be a long-term plan!

11 Soon after 40 years without a girlfriend, when cleaning up, I found a little star in the basement from my crush.

I remember the summer vacation of my junior year of high school, my sister asked me where the little star was, and I answered truthfully that it was gone, and she ignored me anymore.

I asked Dad: Didn't you say you didn't know this stuff before?

Dad scratched his head and said: At that time, your mother said that you were an eagle, and you wanted to spread your wings and soar, and you couldn't let your children tie their wings, so they hid this box.

12 After eating, I cleaned up my housework and tutored my son with his homework. After a while, I said to my son who was serious about writing homework: Baby, go out and play, don't write homework all the time, know how to combine work and leisure. Only to see my son glare at me inexplicably... Then he said wryly: Is it to separate me and have a brother? I heard it all last night!