I was sleeping with my girlfriend in my arms, when I suddenly received a call from the boss: Xiao Zhang, Xiao Zhang, you don't have to go to work! I was suddenly taken aback, and wept bitterly and said: Boss, although I go to work to play games, I have experienced

I was sleeping with my girlfriend in my arms, when I suddenly received a call from the boss: Xiao Zhang, Xiao Zhang, you don't have to go to work! I was suddenly taken aback, crying bitterly and said: Boss, although I go to work to play games, often doze off, occasionally late, take two days off a week, and talk back to you from time to time, but I always have to say that there is nothing wrong with me, you can't fire me! The boss's impatient voice came from the phone: Don't put garlic on Lao Tzu, tomorrow is the day of your and my daughter's big day, you won't forget, right?

1. The sister-in-law used to be a waiter in a KTV, earning almost 10,000 a day, and then married an honest person, and the two lived a plain life?, but last week, the sister-in-law's husband was not rescued in a car accident, and the sister-in-law was sad. At the funeral, I whispered to her: How much does the insurance pay?? The sister-in-law replied: At that time, I did not approve of it, and I did not let him buy it. I asked again: How much family property did he leave for you? The sister-in-law cried: Two hundred and thirty million. Two hundred million is: remembrance, memories.? Thirty million: Don't take good care of the children, don't take good care of the elderly, don't remarry.

2. The brother-in-law and his sister were engaged and bought a new house in Tomson Yipin icon, which was 100,000 yuan. Unexpectedly, the mother-in-law transferred 100,000 yuan to her brother-in-law with Alipay the next day. So the brother-in-law bought a house of 1800,000, and also bought 2 large toy pigs wrapped in bamboo charcoal, and put them on the sofa to absorb formaldehyde. One day, Dad and Mom came to visit the house. The second elder sat on the sofa drinking tea, and his mother suddenly asked: "This new house has formaldehyde, have you put anything to suck it?" Need to buy greenery? The brother-in-law said without hesitation: "Yes, there are two pigs sitting on the sofa helping to take drugs..." 0

3. I talked about a particularly beautiful girlfriend, my girlfriend and I must get married to a dowry of half a million, I saw my girlfriend look so beautiful, I agreed with a cruel heart. On the wedding night, after the wife removed her makeup, she sat on the sofa and watched Korean dramas. I was also very tired, so I lay on her lap and watched TV, looking at the happy place and wanting to say a word to her. I looked up and startled me, and from this point of view, my daughter-in-law was too inferior. I finally know why the child always cries, must be frightened!

4. The brother-in-law just went to the New Oriental Chef for a while, and the brother-in-law went to the gym with a slightly fat roommate every day. Now 3 months later, the brother-in-law is still 180 pounds, and the roommate is much slimmer. The brother-in-law felt that he must have some secret, and asked for advice many times. The roommate finally held out a sentence: the main thing is that the personal trainer is too able to fool, in 3 months I made more than 50,000, which money to eat meat!

5. In the second year of junior high school, he stole cookies at the same table, and was seen by the math teacher and deliberately asked him to answer the question. He stood up without saying a word, and the teacher walked up to him angrily. At this time, I deliberately nodded under his ribs, and the dude laughed out loud. I'll never forget the way the math teacher looked at him angrily with a biscuit scum on his face! As a result, the same table was punished by the math teacher for standing for a morning.

6. After seven years of hard study, I finally sat in the position of an anorectal surgeon in a private hospital. Yesterday, my aunt introduced me to a beautiful woman, met and found that it was a little girl who came to see the hemorrhoids a few days ago, at that time I also used my fingers to go in and carefully checked a circle, the girl saw that I was a blind date, the face was green, but several relatives in the family were not good to go, and finally it was not successful. Later, when I went to my aunt's house to visit the door in the New Year, I met again, and the girl looked at me with my head bowed and hong. As a result, my aunt also said: Look, people still like you, as soon as you see you, your face is macro, or you try again?

7. When I returned home this day, I was horrified to find that the 500 yuan of private money I had saved for 3 years was discovered by my 8-year-old son. My son told his mother, and my money was confiscated. After more than 3 months, before the child's holiday, I used the money I saved to enroll my child in 3 cram classes and 2 interest classes, and used the remaining money to buy a whole box of exercise books! Now my son is crying, but I am laughing happily!

8. A female classmate bumped into her father at the school gate, and she was surprised: "Daddy, how did you come?" Dad pulled her aside and said, "You are an indisputable thing, paying you to come to school to study well, but you have given birth to children with others!" You say, are you worthy of your mother? Female classmate: "Dad, I didn't, who did you listen to?" Dad: "You still want to hide from me!" I and your mother have seen, you in the circle of friends of the baby life is bitter, fever again, the doctor said to inject, frightened the baby, I came overnight! Tell me where my child is? Take me and see! ”

9. Alcoholics know that no one at the dinner table will say that they are drunk, and if they say so, it proves that this person is really not drunk.... One night, the two wine gems pushed each other, both saying that they were not drunk. In order to prove that the other party was drunk, Yi Jiuzhen asked: "Hey, buddy, do you know what time it is now?" Another wine jewel replied with a crooked mouth: I know. Another wine gem replied: Thank you!

10. Foxconn's supervisor got married, and I went to the wedding with 20,000 yuan. At the wedding feast, there was a little girl sitting next to me, probably six or seven years old. She had a haggard face but a very good appetite, and she ate every dish seriously. After a few sips of Coke from a large bowl, I noticed that her Coke was still steaming. Curious, I asked her: Why is your Coke still hot? She chewed on the dish and said: This is not Coke, this is cold particles and diarrhea, I have a cold and diarrhea, Grandma said that the doctor will not let me eat randomly, I stole it, while eating and drinking medicine must be fine! With this IQ, this child will become a great instrument in the future!

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