1, last night finally lived with my girlfriend, the next day I woke up I hugged her carefully for half a day, asked her how to remove makeup how it is different from usual? My girlfriend shyly threw herself into my arms and told me,

1, last night finally lived with my girlfriend, the next day I woke up I hugged her carefully for half a day, asked her how to remove makeup how it is different from usual? My girlfriend shyly threw herself into my arms and told me that you have eaten instant noodles for so many years, don't you know that the packaging pattern is for reference only??

2, I went to the night market to buy a pair of insoles, turned around, ate two skewers of grilled gluten, five skewers of lamb, a piece of cantaloupe. After eating the watermelon, I remembered, oh mom, the insole was not bought. Then I walked back to the night market and came out packing half a roast duck. When I got home and finished eating the roast duck, I remembered, oh, the insoles are still not bought. After my mother learned about this matter, she scolded directly: You are a foodie, you must have starved to death in your last life!

3, my parents bought a house in the city, in order to pay off the mortgage, my parents went to work in an electronics factory in a foreign country. I live in my grandfather's house in the countryside and often play hide-and-seek with my friends in the village. Usually I'm very nice to the puppies at home, so he follows wherever I go. Every time I play hide-and-seek, I don't care where I hide, as long as I see my puppy on the side and feel that I can find me. In order not to let the puppy follow, I threw him two steamed buns, while he was not paying attention to the bottom of the cabinet. To my surprise, I was not found by my friends, but the puppy found that I was missing after eating the bun and directly dragged me out from under the cabinet!

4. The sister-in-law worked in a foreign factory for three years, did not save a penny, and after returning home, she tangled with 200,000 yuan and opened a cosmetics store. On this day, the sister-in-law was looking at the shop in the shop, and a rich woman dressed in mink came... Rich Woman: "Do you have multi-functional skin beautification products here?" Sister-in-law: "It depends on your needs." Rich woman: "I don't like to take a lot of cosmetics out of the house, I need a set of oil, sweat, moisture, moisture, does not hurt the skin, the price is more reasonable beauty products, do you have here?" Sister-in-law: "I'm sorry, we don't have it here, but the supermarket opposite sells it." Rich Woman: "Really! What is your name? Sister-in-law: "The newly shelved Superman laundry detergent has a strong ability to remove oil, sweat odor, does not hurt the skin, is white and fresh, and is your ideal choice." ”

5, female colleagues asked me to go to her house for tea, only to the door to forget to bring the key, I said wait for your husband to come back, she said that it was a mistake. We called the master who unlocked the lock, and the master came to drum for a few seconds and then opened it, saying that it was 100 yuan. Female colleagues let me pay, I think it is expensive, not to mention that it is not my home, I said to the master 50 lines no, the master said that the market price is 100. I said that your 100 yuan was too easy to earn, and the master couldn't lock the door again, saying that he didn't want the door-to-door fee. My female colleague and I were dumbfounded, she offered to go to the hotel, I refused, I really just paid 50 bucks. Therefore, remind everyone that when you go out with more money, the opportunity is only given to those who are prepared.

6, the old man is an old lottery player for more than 20 years, Huang Tian did not pay off the heart to buy twenty years and finally won the jackpot of 30 million, so he bought a BMW Maybach in full. On this day, the old man was going out to run an errand, only to see his brother-in-law scraping his car with stones, and there was a group of people watching next to him, pointing and pointing. The old man was angry and said, "Hey, if you scratch the car, you have to pay for it, whose child you are so ignorant!" The mother-in-law asked in a low voice, "That is obviously our son, why do you pretend not to know?" The old station man said: "Little voice, if you admit that it is our child, it is not to admit that my godson has no way!" ”

7. Yesterday, my cousin and my cousin had a big fight, and my cousin was still angry and wanted to go back to her mother's house. My cousin held his head in both hands, distressed, and I asked my cousin what was wrong? Cousin: I don't know, your sister-in-law suddenly made a fuss for no reason! I'm also confused! The little nephew, with a tear of pity, said to his cousin: Mom, don't be angry! I'm giving you the holiday gift my dad just gave me! The cousin quickly pointed to the cousin: You see, you are not as clever as a child.....

8. Recently, the rich second generation fa xiao married a flight attendant as a wife. Tonight at the bar, I was drinking in the corner with my newlyweds. I asked, "Hey, how do you get sullen and sad- Fa Xiao replied, "Alas! My wife got into a fight with me and she vowed not to talk to me for a week! I asked, "Then you should be happy, at least the roots of your ears can be quiet." Fa Xiao replied: "You don't know, today is the last day of the week!" ”

9, dad talked to me, said in a serious tone: "You are not young, it is time to get married, I am older with your mother..." I got up to send it off, and I felt a lot in my heart: I was old and not small, and everything still worried my parents. At the same time, I feel happy, and it is good to have parents nagging! When my mother saw my father come out, she pulled aside and said in a low voice, "Did you say all this?" Dad nodded, "I've said everything you explained." "Mother:" This girl has been turning on the air conditioner all night, how much electricity does it cost, hurry up and marry her out!" Dad nodded in agreement: "Well, marry out!" ”

10. I was sick today, and my husband took me to the hospital early in the morning. By noon I was still hanging up a drip, and I had no strength and no appetite. My husband went and bought my favorite grapes. He washed it and gave it to me to eat, I shook my head, and my husband ate it himself. After a while, I took another one to my mouth, and I started shaking my head left and right, and my husband ate it himself again. I said weakly: Stupid, pull my scarf off my face a little!

11. Just now the buddies had dinner together, and they all took their girlfriends with them. Only I am still single, and I am still a little sad to think about. I said, "Not only my mother urged me, my grandmother urged me now." The buddy's girlfriend said: "Your grandmother also wants to quickly pack her grandson and understand and understand." Me: "My grandmother reported what grandson, I am the grandson!" ”

#Funny##Funny#Funny##搞笑一刻 #