Thanks for this romantic encounter
What you are not aware of becomes your "destiny"
22.01.25 10:00PM Miss you.
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Huang Lei once said in "Strange Story":
"If one day a man proposes to my daughter and the other person says he won't do a wedding, then I will say to my daughter: Don't marry him!" I don't even have that sense of ceremony, I don't think it's right. ”
In Huang Lei's view, the wedding is the most important "ceremony" for husband and wife.
Ritual is a word that many people often overlook. In fact, in the boring life, we all need a proper sense of ceremony to spend ordinary days.
And in a happy family, there is also a sense of ceremony.
01.
Life requires a sense of ritual
Why does life need a sense of ritual?
A good answer is: to make life a life, not a survival.
I've seen some young people who have a muddy day, and the room is full of randomly thrown clothes; the refrigerator is a meal; busy with work, I have long forgotten what birthdays and anniversaries... While complaining about the boredom of life, he is unwilling to make any changes.
Wang Xiaobo said: "It is not enough for a person to only have this life and this life, he should also have a poetic world." ”
The sense of ceremony does not need much material as a foundation, it reflects our respect and love for life, a nutritious and delicious breakfast, a bouquet of flowers on the table, a new school bag before the start of school, before class, the class leader's "stand up", the Spring Festival on the door... This little thing can give a sense of ritual to life.
On ordinary and trivial days, the sense of ritual can make you have expectations, which has nothing to do with sentimentality, has nothing to do with material foundations, but your love of life, the importance of happiness, and the importance of yourself.
Life is there, and what you live like depends entirely on your own attitude.
02.
There is a need for a sense of ceremony between parents and children
Between parents and children, do you need a sense of ceremony?
A colleague of mine, in order to participate in the child's college graduation ceremony, put down the important work in his hand, worked tirelessly, flew from Beijing to Guangzhou, and people around her advised her: "The graduation ceremony is just a process, there is no need to go through such a big trouble." ”
The colleague laughed and said, "I just don't want to miss every stage of my child's development." Although the graduation ceremony is only a formality, but it is the final farewell to the child and school life, I used to be the most basic respect for the child, and I hope that the child can attach importance to his graduation, officially bid farewell to the past, and have a new beginning. ”
For children, it is really a happy thing to have such a mother.
We have some parents around us who are very practical:
"What a birthday for a child!"
"Strange festivals, what a hilarity!"
"Just go to school, wear clothes and shoes as you like!"
Maybe for parents, doing these things or not, the love for their children will not be reduced, but for children, it is a completely different feeling.
In boring life, the occasional sense of surprise and ritual will give children enough closeness and trust to make children feel happy and fun.
Some psychological experts believe that normal physical and mental growth requires a certain sense of ritual, in this small ritual, it is actually a strong self-suggestion, so that their attention is more concentrated, more serious, more attentive.
The ritual of parents giving their children is not only on special days, it can be a hug before going out every day; it is a good night before going to bed, a story.
These seemingly small things have become the most beautiful memories of children.
03.
Marriage requires a sense of ceremony
There are some things that you never say and never do, even if you love each other very much, it is easy to walk and walk and fall apart.
I once watched a short video of "30 Days of Commitment" in South Korea, and I was deeply touched.
The heroine in the short film, the last 30 days before the divorce, asks her husband to hug, kiss, and kiss herself every day, saying I love you.
The husband said: "During that time, I ignored her care and love for me, and once again deeply felt it. ”
A marriage, at the beginning of the vigorous, if there is no business, there is no sense of ceremony, the original intention of being together will eventually be worn away by trivial life.
Many couples, life is dull, even full of quarrels and cold wars, often lack of sense of ceremony.
There are loving old couples in our community, who have been married for decades and have been loving as ever, and every year on their wedding anniversary, they will seriously go to a date that belongs only to them.
Neighbors talk about them, and they can't stop being envious. Once, a young mother said, "We really have to learn from the old people." ”
But the husband next to him was not happy: "What to learn, what are the old husbands and wives, what festivals to live, what gifts to give, the children are in junior high school, what are those empty heads and eight brains doing?" ”
This is the misunderstanding of the sense of ritual by many of us, thinking that the sense of ritual is virtual, unrealistic, difficult to do, just a form.
In fact, the occasional ritual is an expression of attention to each other, and it is never a flashy thing.
As the line in the movie "Beijing Meets Seattle" says: He may not take me to a yacht for French food, but he can run a few streets for me every morning to buy my favorite soy milk fritters.
No matter how bad formalism is, it is much better than being too lazy to go through the motions.
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Author | Qian Zhiliang is an associate professor and master tutor at the School of Education of Beijing Normal University. Graduated from the 86th class and stayed in school, returned to China in 1994, with a doctorate degree. His research interests include child development counseling and education for children with special needs.
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