Author/Window Sill
First, we need to clarify the fact: under what circumstances would a woman think she was married?
This can be divided into two cases. The first is that after the woman measures the comprehensive value of two people, she thinks that her advantage in some aspects is much higher than that of the boy, or the boy's value does not meet her expectations, but in the end, for some reason, she chooses to get married.
It's just that after getting married, my heart has always been in my heart.
The main manifestation is that they always think that if they continue to persevere, they may eventually meet a better and more suitable person.
No matter who holds such a thought in marriage, life will definitely not be good. Because of this kind of thinking, they are destined to learn not to think in a different position, nor to learn to tolerate and understand, always staring at each other's shortcomings, and then comparing with the advantages of others. Once he is not good enough, this concept is preconceived, then in later life, no matter how well the other party does, it will definitely be able to pick thorns.
But sometimes, in fact, from the perspective of an outsider, if you comprehensively measure two people, it may not be that the girl is really married, but that she overestimates her ability and weight, resulting in a mistake in judgment.
Tell a real-life example.
I know a girl who was born in 92 and got married at the age of 25, and when she got married, she always had a feeling that she had lost herself. She is the kind of girl who looks better, but her husband is in the lower middle of the line in appearance, and she is 3 years older. However, apart from this, her husband is better than her in other places, especially the original family.
It is precisely because of this that her parents have been brokering this marriage and asking her not to be too picky. She listened to a large part of it, plus the boy was really good to her, so she naturally chose to get married.
After getting married, the sense of superiority brought to her by her appearance at the beginning has always existed. Mainly her husband is in front of her, too humble, even has a kind of flattery in her, for a long time, this kind of good often makes her feel more irritable, she is not so respectful of her husband.
She always sighed: "I was still young, I married him like this, and there was always some reluctance." ”
Of course, as she grew older, she eventually came to terms with her heart and stopped dreaming of meeting better people. This psychology of losing money is also constantly being balanced.
The second situation is that when you get married, you think that two people are very suitable, and they are also very close to each other, and they are willing to be together, but after marriage, for various reasons, the marriage is not happy, and they are also very wronged, which realizes that they have lost money.
01. Inconsistencies before and after marriage
This girl, the cousin of a good friend of mine, was born in 90 and now has two children. Whenever she talks about her marriage, she always likes to sigh: "If I go back to the past, I will definitely not marry him. ”
Her so-called marriage loss, in her husband's view, mainly refers to the material loss, and often sneered at her: "Look at the way you look now, do you think you can still go to rich people?" You also have to be looked up to by others. She didn't explain, she just thought that the two men didn't speculate more than half a sentence.
In fact, if she really hated the conditions of her husband's family, she would not have had to go against her parents' wishes and marry him wholeheartedly, only wanting to be with him. And when she got married, she didn't want anything, and considering the conditions of her husband's family, she didn't even buy a ring.
Now, after all these years, she thinks that what she loses is to marry a poor person who deserves to be, he does not want to make progress, even going out to work to earn money needs her to urge, and self-esteem is particularly strong, can not tolerate others to say half a word, including her, and at the same time in the way of suppressing her, saying that she is now fat, ugly, to find her presence in this relationship.
Of course, before marriage, he was definitely not like this, he showed that he was still very motivated before marriage, and he was very good to her, she thought at that time that she should not deceive the teenager and be poor, as long as the two people work together, there will definitely be everything. But now they have nothing, they still live in the rented house, she is still arguing over urging her husband to go out to work, sometimes relying on her mother's family to help. He was completely two people before and after marriage.
In the marriage life, any of which is inseparable from economic constraints, in actual life, because of economic restrictions and emotional problems abound, and for her situation, all this is even worse.
The reason why she thinks that she has lost money, in the final analysis, is that although her husband did not provide enough value in the economy before marriage, the value given to her emotionally was full, and the economic value after marriage did not change at all, or even the downward trend, and the emotional value was not buffered, directly from the full score to the negative score. The person who was particularly kind to her before marriage often spoke harshly after marriage.
02. He has compromised for him countless times, but in the end he has been disappointed
There is also a kind of marriage loss, which is that the girl psychologically believes that this person is not worth her original efforts.
Some time ago, a reader came to talk to me, she is a girl in 93 years, married for 4 years. She and her husband are college classmates, have been in love since their freshman year, and have had many sweet moments.
For the love in her heart, she compromised for him countless times, especially in the end, in order to be with him, she followed her to the boy's hometown after graduation, and naturally later married.
She has always believed that with her and her husband's feelings over the years, they can definitely love each other until they are white. But just in September of this year, a girl found her. Only then did she realize that her husband had betrayed their marriage for more than a year and had cheated on the girl as a single.
When she had completely sorted everything out, the sadness and powerlessness of being deceived and betrayed had always hung over her.
The man she had loved for many years had never been worth it. She also thinks she's married, because the person she really wants to find has never been such a person.
To put it bluntly, whether the person who marries is worth it or not does not depend on how outsiders evaluate it, but how they judge it in their own hearts. But love in this world has never had only one standard, and the measurement of people's hearts will not be frozen forever. Those who were worthy in the past are not necessarily worthy later, and those who are not worthy in the past are not necessarily unworthy later. Sometimes, in addition to the key factors in their original choices, it seems that the impermanent changes given by fate itself later also account for a large part of the reasons.
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