Parents are always hurting their children with self-righteous love!
In "Female Psychologist", the first case caused a lot of resonance.
Yuna, a high school student, is a particularly "unconscious" child, who commits suicide one moment, falls off the stage the next, breaks her head and plants a bribe, saying that her classmates behind her push themselves down, and then slaps herself in the dark room.
The reason why she constantly self-harmed was because of her parents' marriage.
It turned out that Yuna's parents had long been divorced, but in order not to affect the daughter who was about to take the college entrance examination, the two people also pretended to be a loving couple. They thought they were well hidden, but they did not know that they had already been discovered by their clever daughter.
Yuna is afraid of her parents' breakup, she does not want to lose her perfect family, and she believes that after her parents divorced, they no longer love themselves. This fear affected her mental health, so she attracted her parents' attention by constantly self-harming.
Although it is a TV series, but this case is too real, in reality, how many marriages have broken down, but in front of the children continue to cover up, parents think that they are acting seamlessly, in fact, everything can not hide from the eyes of the children.
The difference is that some children have survived on their own, while some children have left psychological shadows!
Divorce hurts your children, so what about not getting divorced?
I remember when I was a child, there was a good friend Yaoyao, who ran to my house on the weekend, and she said to me, "The atmosphere in my house is too weird, I really don't dare to stay at home."
It turned out that her parents had been at odds with each other, but for the sake of their children, the two did not choose to divorce, but lived "calmly" under one roof.
Slowly, the daughter found that when her father returned late, her mother never called to ask or leave food for her father; the clothes of the two people were always washed separately; and when the three people ate together, the dinner table was particularly silent.
Yaoyao told me that they thought it was for my own good, but in fact I was very miserable, very depressed, and I didn't want to go back to that cold cage every day after school. The thought of the two of them acting in front of me made me feel unspeakably sad and disgusted.
Yaoyao volunteered for the college entrance examination and chose a university that was very far from home, and she was unwilling to go home for four years. Today, Yaoyao, who is still single in her 30s, said to me, "Instead of wronging myself for my children like my parents, it is better to live alone." ”
Marriage is never a matter of two people, as long as there are children, children are an important part of marriage that cannot be cut.
For the sake of their children, some parents would rather be unhappy than choose to break up; some parents choose to divorce and not leave home, creating a complete illusion for their children; and there are more selfish parents who use their children as weapons to tear each other apart and attack each other.
The child is actually very sensitive, and he knows whether the parents have a good life or not.
The cold eyes we have no emotion when we look at each other, our indifference to each other, and the social distance maintained between each other, the children are all in the eyes and perceive in the heart.
We think we cover it up well, but we don't know that day by day acting is already destroying the child's emotions and causing harm to him.
Cummings, a psychologist at the University of Notre Dame who focuses on marital conflict and child development, believes that children pay great attention to the emotional interaction between their parents as a basis for judging whether the family environment is safe.
In a failed marriage, the most unfortunate and innocent is actually the child, who has done nothing wrong, but is forced to eat the bitter fruit.
A parent's marriage can affect a child's emotional development, mental health, and even personality development. As adults, we must have the responsibility of adults and handle marriage in a more rational way.
Be kind to marriage
Many people tear each other apart, denigrate each other, and are eager to beat each other into the abyss of unrecoverable disasters, in fact, in this battle, it is not only the other party that hurts each other, but also themselves and their children. Do you think that everyone around you will sympathize with you and share your hatred?
In fact, all the people are watching your jokes, and they are eager for you to tear up more fiercely, let more family ugliness be exposed, and have more after-dinner talk.
Smart adults will treat marriage well in marriage and strive to maintain the harmony and happiness of the family.
Even if you eventually have to end your marriage, you will choose to break up with dignity, separate peacefully, and get together and disperse.
Be kind to yourself
Unhappy marriages have a devastating power over a person, and some people have since been devastated, self-destructive, and living forever in the shadow of a failed marriage and living an unsatisfactory life.
But there are also people who take this as the beginning of a new life, cheer up, and live a more powerful life.
Man should learn to redeem himself and not to immerse himself in the shadow of misfortune.
Especially when children see that even if their parents break up, they can still be wonderful, they can let themselves let go of their hearts, accept the change of the family and the separation of their parents, and not be disappointed in the marriage, and do not feel the love of their parents.
Be kind to children
Marriages break up, but parent-child relationships never break up.
Be kind to the child, still accompany the child, let the child understand that the parents divorced, just a different way of getting along, I am still your father, I am still your mother, our love for you will not change, and will not disappear.
A child always has an ability to attribute it to himself once his parents' marriage is unhappy. Thinking that it is all their own fault, which leads to parents always arguing, it is their own restraint on their parents that cannot make them wonderful.
This attribution can cause the child to suffer all the time.
As an adult, don't live worse than a child, deal with the problems in marriage rationally, still give the child all the love, let the child understand that whether the parents live under one roof or not, our love for you will never change.
This is the responsibility that adults should have.