Hello everyone, I am a bean father of two children, and today I want to talk to you about the original family.
Some time ago, I watched the TV series "Female Psychologist", and every little story in the play was deeply empathized. The characters in the play are vivid and vivid, there is the pain of the "old good man" in the workplace, the second-born mother who is depressed after childbirth, the mother who is suffering from cancer, etc. Once this TV series was broadcast, it was frantically brushed screen. "Female Psychologist" is a modern urban drama directed by Ke Ruli, starring Yang Zi, Jing Bairan, Wang Jia, and Suga, and starring Ni Ping, Zhang Ruoyu and Dai Wenwen. Among them, Yuna, played by Zhang Ruonan, who impressed me the most, felt guilty and blamed herself for the deterioration of her parents' relationship, and hurt herself again and again, which is our topic this time - the impact of parental divorce on children.
Children are introverted and inferior, and the original family has great responsibilities.
We have all heard on the Internet that most of the children who are raised poorly are inferior and introverted, they have been lost too much at home, less trouble outside, and their parents have paid everything for you. In the long run, as long as there is a little problem, they will think that it is their own problem, and they think that they are not worthy of all good things and people. They live in a world without light, year after year, until one day they can't hold on to themselves, and they choose to end themselves. Isn't the unfortunate death of photographer Lu Dawson related to the lack of attention of his parents?
Regarding the TV series "Female Psychologist", Yuna's character archetypes abound in society. This has the scene at the beginning of the TV series: Yuna sat on the roof of the building, called the hotline and said that she wanted to commit suicide, Horton consulted her by phone, she asked Yuna, how many points is the urge to kill herself on the roof, Yuna said it was 95 points, Horton continued to ask her, "Then the remaining 5 points, what is the reason?" Yuna dropped the sharp knife in her hand and cried, "I think of my mom and dad." "Yes, parents are a wall between children and death.
For this TV series, from the content that the director wants to express to the audience and the words of Yuna in the play, we can easily see a problem, that is, the parents are the iron wall of the child, and the optimistic and cheerful child can't hold back when facing the divorce of his parents. What really pushes the child into the abyss is not only the incomprehension of others, but also the lack of love and brokenness of the original family. These are enough to push the child into the depths of the sea little by little.
Destroying a child only requires him to be the only one who keeps the relationship between husband and wife.
I often see a passage like this on the Internet:
A mother said to her child, "If it weren't for you, I would have divorced your father a long time ago, and when you grow up, you must honor me well." ”
I think this sentence everyone must have seen it, this mother said this to the child, the child will think that the parental relationship is not good because of himself, if he is good enough, perfect enough, the parents will not quarrel, will not divorce, so everything is because he is not obedient. They will put all the problems on themselves, and they will not want to, they are the most innocent ones.
When I was in the first year of junior high school, there was a short boy in the class, gentle and elegant, always smiling, and rarely saw him crying his nose. One night during self-study, the class teacher came in and asked him to come out, and after a while, I heard the boy crying and roaring in the hallway: "Have you considered my feelings in the divorce, what should I do in the future, have you thought about what I should do..." The questioning made me feel very sad.
If you don't love, will the child fall prey? If you didn't love, why did you choose to give birth to this child in the first place? If not loved, who is responsible for the future of the child? You can choose to remarry, but what about the children? Have you ever thought about the future of your children, how sad they should be without children of a complete family...
The prevalence of depression in children makes it hard for us to imagine
In 2020, 24.6% of adolescents were depressed, and the proportion of major depression was 7.4%. If you think about china's 1.4 billion people, adolescent depression alone accounts for about a quarter. Children who are depressed may have been optimistic, smiling, quiet, and serious. Maybe it's because of an inconspicuous little thing in life, maybe it's the parents scolding again and again. There are too many children who can't think of them because of unsatisfactory grades. But can a single scolding cause so much damage? Yes, it is only the repeated injuries that make them lose the last courage to live. Isn't it true that the leisurely mother in "Little Shed" can't be desolate all spring, and a single injury can't waste the whole life, but if a hundred flowers are withered, will there be spring?
How to make family conflicts not affect children.
How big the impact of family conflicts on children, I think everyone knows, but couples always quarrel, when the three views are not compatible, at that time, how to reduce the impact of family conflicts on children?
1. If there is a contradiction between husband and wife, it can be reconciled, and try to reconcile.
Teeth and tongues have a day of fighting, let alone a couple? All the little fights are normal, as the saying goes: couples quarrel at the head of the bed and at the end of the bed. It is a kind of fate that two people can come together, and it is destined that you will meet this person, so you and you will get married and have children and spend the rest of your life together. A lifetime is so long, it is not easy to find a person with a white head and an old age, so if you can reconcile, reconcile, don't die to hold on to this face, and refuse to bow your head. Especially our gay men, the daughter-in-law must be coaxed!
2. Don't involve your child in family conflicts.
Husband and wife quarrels are just husband and wife quarrels, do not involve children. This can be problematic, what about conflicts caused by your child getting sick, getting poor grades, or declining? It's very simple, your goal is the same" are to think of the child well, then please calm down each of you, you can absolutely believe how strong your child's determination to love you, the person they have loved from birth is you, you have a good relationship, he can move forward better.
3. Teach children to be independent and confident.
If the heavens are not beautiful, the marriage line has been broken, then when no one can afford to return to heaven, what your children need is independence, strength and self-confidence, the family is not perfect, but the children can live well.
Such children generally have three homes, a father's home, a mother's home and their own home. The first two families do not belong to themselves completely, so many children of divorced families think that they have no home, but this is not the case, they also have their own home. Parents should tell their children to be independent when they are young, let their children find self-confidence in life, and tell them that your life is not only mom and dad, but also many beautiful people and things. Let them socialize, do difficult tasks, and when they succeed, they will gain self-confidence, self-reliance, and their future is no longer indispensable to you.
Mingyue is always ruthless, but it is always illuminating. I still want every child to have a happy family, but I also don't want two people who are not in love to force together for the sake of their children. Everything is difficult to complete, and I only hope that parents and children in the world will be happy forever.
The pictures are from the internet, if there is infringement, please contact to delete!