This year is really a year of domestic dramas gathering to dominate the screen, from the beginning of the year's "Beginning", to the "Human World" that touched countless people some time ago, and then to the hotly discussed "Dear Child", which can be described as setting off a wave of drama chasing. Although the drama "Dear Child" has already come to an end, the polarized word of mouth made the People's Daily criticize it twice in the early stage of broadcasting as "deliberately dog blood, selling anxiety", while most female viewers believe that it highly restores life and portrays the triviality of marriage to the fullest.
*Image from Dear Kids' official Weibo
The feelings about this drama are also different, some people say that the male protagonist Xiao Lu is a realistic scumbag, the female protagonist Fang Yinuo is miserable and "done", and their divorce is inevitable; some people say that the biggest beneficiary of Fang Yinuo's divorce is Xie Tianhua, who finally got what he wanted.
*Image from Dear Kids' official Weibo
But when Grandma Dali saw it now, she felt sorry for xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo's marriage, in fact, there was no emotion between them, and if many things were handled well, they would not go to the step of divorce at all. The factors that lead them to end their marriage actually happen to every couple.
Always use vicious words
The most demanding standards require each other
In the play, the big battle between Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu divorcing and dividing property can be said to be real in the world, restoring the most real scene of husband and wife quarrel in life, you say a word, I say a word, every sentence is sprinkled with salt and knife on each other, and even from the quarrel of words to the start of the hand. In short, you must not make the other party feel better!
Although, we will all say "quarrels are not good words, when not true!" But few people can really let go, and more often use these "angry words" as the "material" for the next quarrel.
In addition to the viciousness of the quarrel, in fact, many details in the play will also show the "harshness" of our partners in reality. Just like when Yinuo gave birth to a child, he very much hoped that Xiao Lu could stay, but he pretended to be generous and let Xiao Lu go, and when Xiao Lu really left, he would be lost and disappointed. In real life, many women are the same, always like to set up various tests for each other to verify each other's feelings for themselves, if they do not realize or meet their own requirements, they will lose their temper and feel that the other party does not love themselves! In fact, you either don't say it or don't let the other party become a "roundworm" in your stomach, the most taboo thing in a relationship is to guess and guess.
The minutiae are not clear
In fact, it hurts the most
What is silent harm? Probably just like in the play, in the face of Yinuo's postpartum incontinence, although Xiao Lu helped to deal with it, his repeated washing and disinfection of this behavior deeply stung Yinuo's sensitive nerves, and she felt that Xiao Lu was abandoning her. But in fact, from another point of view, if Xiao Lu is really disgusted, he will not even move, and his behavior may only be out of the instinctive reaction of people.
*Image from Dear Kids' official Weibo
This scenario is very common between couples in real life. Mamma Hercules believes that many people may have the experience of being rejected and picky by their partners, which may be an expression, a look, or the tone of speech. But in fact, the dislike we feel is not necessarily the other party's true dislike, because we will also inadvertently give each other this feeling, and these are many times just the instinctive reactions that cause misunderstanding, or the speaker has the unintentional sensitivity of the listener, but if it is not explained clearly in time, it is the most hurtful.
Flipperism
Let the problems accumulate and make it difficult to get back
In the view of Grandma Dali, a big reason why Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu's marriage is difficult to continue is that they never take the initiative to communicate when things happen. Become a promise to the mother, because of postpartum anxiety, physical and mental exhaustion, so that she simply has no time, nor is there any willingness to stand in the position of Xiao Lu to think about the problem, and as a father, Xiao Lu can and thin mud and thin mud, there are problems, do not solve from the root, always want to settle as soon as possible, over time habits to hide their true thoughts in their hearts, do not actively communicate and communicate, paralyze themselves with work, and escape from the family as much as possible. At that time, their marriage was already like a cracked ship, whether there was a cheating Zhu Zhu or not, sooner or later it would sink.
*Image from Dear Kids' official Weibo
In fact, in all marriages, most men will pursue the flipper doctrine, they want things to turn over quickly, because quarrels will only waste energy and feelings, and turning over the past is as if it did not exist and did not happen. But does that really solve the problem? not necessarily! If you don't communicate and solve it in time, it will only become the fuse of the next quarrel, and even let the problem accumulate day after day!
Face marital problems
Divorce without a word
The reason why Grandma Dali felt that the marriage between Yinuo and Xiao Lu was very regrettable and difficult to reconcile was because their divorce was not actually out of intention, but an impulsive decision made by Yinuo after being sad, shocked, angry, angry, collapsed, and several emotions added up. At first, she just wanted to export her evil spirits, after all, the child was still so young, she didn't want the child to have no father. But many things rushed together later, coupled with their respective tempers, the whole thing gradually got out of control, and finally it was really divorced.
*Image from Dear Kids' official Weibo
According to statistics from the Ministry of Civil Affairs, since 2003, the divorce rate in the mainland has risen for 16 consecutive years.
Use the method of registering a divorce
Percentage of divorces ending marriages
50% in 2003
80% in 2018
Impulsive and rash divorces continue to increase
But what about after the divorce? Will life really be a lot happier? The truth is that if we can't get rid of the "cage" dominated by emotions, even if we go through more marriages, there will still be a chicken feather trivia waiting for us to face.
Lack of a sense of boundaries
it is the biggest threat to marriage
If it is said that the marriage of Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu is doomed to go to nowhere, then the last straw that crushed their marriage actually comes from Xiao Lu's missing sense of boundary in marriage! When he and Zhu Zhu ate roadside stalls together, wandered along the road together, and even gave lipstick to each other as a thank you gift, he completely forgot that he was a married man!
*Image from Dear Kids' official Weibo
In fact, in the adult view of feelings, we must understand the sense of boundaries. What is a sense of boundaries? The sense of boundaries refers to the degree of judgment or importance of interpersonal boundaries. For married people, the sense of boundaries is to understand what ordinary friends can do and what can only be done with lovers. If there is no sense of boundaries, frequent contact with the opposite sex is the biggest hidden danger in marriage.
Organized by The New York Times
5,000 Americans participated in the gender-to-gender boundary survey
53% of women
45% of men
Opinion: Married men and women and partners outside the opposite sex
Eating alone is not appropriate
In any gender relationship, if one of the parties lacks a sense of boundary, it is easy to cause serious problems in the relationship, and may even become the reason for the other party's cheating.
In addition to the sense of boundary with the opposite sex is not well grasped, many men and women in marriage also "can't figure out" the sense of boundary between the big family and the small family, either allowing the parents of both sides to overly interfere in the big and small things in the small family, or the wife has become a mother and does everything. In fact, two families are two families after all, and if you don't understand this, the contradiction will happen sooner or later!
Although the drama "Dear Child" has ended, Grandma Dali hopes that everyone will not only look at the "cool points" on the surface of the play, and feel that it is very relieving to find a good husband like Xie Tianhua after Yinuo's divorce. Rather, we must see how we who are in the middle of marriage can avoid the "difficulty" of running the marriage into a promise and a shaw road.
*Image from Dear Kids' official Weibo
Marriage is not perfect
There are more or less problems in every marriage
But don't take it as soon as something goes wrong
"Divorce, but!" Hang on to the lips
There is a saying that is very good
You can express anger, but you can't express anger
Especially in matters like divorce
Loving couple again
I have thought of divorce 100 times in my life
And 50 urges to strangle each other
Again, it is easy to fall in love, but it is difficult to keep each other
Mamma Hercules wants every couple
Can have the ability to solve problems
and the wisdom of tolerance and self-discipline
Then happiness is at hand