Next door lived a couple with dry wood and fire.
I couldn't sleep every night howling in the middle of the night.
I went to the door to persuade a few times, but it didn't work.
So, I started chasing his wife.
On Valentine's Day, I also wrote a note in the roses:
Your husband didn't find out about our business, did he?
Then, her husband blew up.
01
Recently moved home, the neighbors are a middle-aged couple.
Although we haven't met yet, I know they must be on good terms.
How do you know?
Listen to it.
In the middle of the night, they have to do something that conforms to the laws of biological spring reproduction.
I live in a relocation house and the sound insulation is very poor.
Afterwards, I can hear the sound of the man smoking and lighting the lighter clearly.
I really don't want to be able to say to his second treasure in a few years:
Little bastard, I grew up listening to you.
What's even worse is that the woman has a very sandy voice and screams like a duck.
And it's extremely penetrating.
Every night, I can hear her magical 3D surround duck call:
"Quack quack quack ha
I was like I was surrounded by a flock of Donald ducks.
One time I had a nightmare.
Dream back to the scene of the March exam in high school.
With less than a month to go before the college entrance examination, I grabbed the test paper and looked at it.
A cold sweat came down.
The head teacher glared at me murderously, picked up the blackboard eraser and smashed it at me.
But when the board rubbed on my head, it turned into a duck's neck.
The head teacher opened his mouth and said, "Quack, quack, quack."
The whole class turned to look at me and screamed "quack, quack, quack".
The classroom turned into a huge duck pond, and everyone "quacked" at me.
I woke up scared out.
His back was sweating and his heart was pounding.
Next door is still "quack, quack."
I stared at the ceiling and seriously considered whether or not to write a "Duck Farm Dream".
The last time I heard such an abstract sound was when I watched "Breaking the Sky" at the same table.
He imitated the villain and smiled at me.
No, if I continue to torture like this, I will have a nervous breakdown sooner or later.
So, I knocked on his door.
02
It was the man of his family who opened the door.
Wearing a large pair of pants and smoking a cigarette.
The pectoral muscles drooped, and the eyes were suspicious.
He glanced me up and down and asked me what I was going to do.
I first expressed my envy for their relationship as husband and wife, as well as my admiration for their physical strength.
Then he euphemistically proposed, I really don't want to listen to his family's two treasures all the way from scratch, so can you be quiet.
The man's eyes widened, and he said, "Do you care about the heavens and the earth or our husband and wife life?"
Since then, the two sides have had a full exchange of views on family ethics and physical health issues.
He expressed his greetings of concern about how healthy my brain was.
I put forward suggestions for improving his ideological and moral level.
He then developed unrealistic ethical fantasies about my immediate female relatives.
I had doubts about his place of birth, and gave a variety of very likely results, such as the old king next door, an unknown wild man, and the dog at the head of the village, and hoped that he would actively cooperate and verify it as soon as possible.
I didn't expect him to bite Lu Dongbin, and he rolled up his sleeves and was about to me.
My eyes lit up, I really met a noble person tonight.
It seems that the Xiaomi su7 is already waving at me, I quickly stretched out my face, come on, hit me, I beg you to kill me.
At this moment, his wife rushed out of the bedroom, pushed him over, and said in a duckly voice, "Husband, we don't know this kind of neurosis, ga!"
Finally, they "slammed" the door shut, ending the friendly interview.
03
After a while, the sound of "quack" began again.
This time, it's louder than ever.
It's like Donald Duck is tap-dancing in a frying pan and then stepping on a wire.
I knew they were deliberately retaliating, so I recorded it and called the police.
The police arrived a short time later, and after we listened to the rattling together, the officer touched his nose and pressed the corners of his mouth, saying that it had indeed constituted a nuisance.
So, I brought the police to the door a second time.
As soon as the man opened the door, he slapped his head and covered his face, and he said, you are endless.
I didn't speak, and the officer showed his ID and said:
"Hello, you have disturbed the people, the trouble is quieter, and the others still have to sleep."
When the man saw the police, his eyes widened, "You called the police for this?"
I couldn't take it anymore: "You have a fucking clean mouth, can you fucking have some quality."
"Didn't you hear what the police officer said, you disturbed the people, you know?"
He was not straightforward and strong: "I can do whatever I like in my own home, does our married life have anything to do with you?"
In fact, the original words are not "married life", but the two words that are very direct, in order to pass the trial, I can only beautify them.
I said, "I'm not against your husband and wife's affection, but can you be quiet, don't quack, your wife is a duck?"
"Do you have what it takes to say it again?!"
I pinched my throat and said, "Quack quack, my husband is so good, quack quack."
The man's face was red, and he rushed up to me.
Driven away by the police.
The police pulled him aside and persuaded him with emotion and reason for most of the day.
He still looks like a dead pig who is not afraid of boiling water, insisting that this is personal privacy and others can't care about it.
I understand that the police can only mediate, and I don't expect him to repent and change his mind for this kind of unqualified person.
So, I took the initiative to sign the receipt and sent the police away.
Sure enough, it soon reverted.
I smiled coldly.
When I reason with you, you'd better reason with me too.
Otherwise, I'd be even more rogue than you.
04
I pulled out a cardboard box.
Put the subwoofer in.
Then plug the sponge on three sides.
The side that is not plugged with sponge is attached to the wall.
Turn on the sound to the maximum.
Start playing the Diamond Sutra.
[Nan Wu, Drink Raktana, Doro Night, Nan Wu, Ah Yaya, Brahru, Shone Bowl ......]
When the solemn sound of the Buddha slowly flowed out, I was refreshed.
The whole body and mind are purified.
In the quiet place of Buddhism, I want to see you blocking the face of Guanyin, the eighteen Arhats, so I'm embarrassed to continue.
Sure enough, the other head was also inspired by the compassionate Guanyin Bodhisattva.
Immediately stopped.
"Husband, the Bodhisattva seems to have appeared, Ga."
"Show a fart, it's the ghost next door!" He slammed the wall: "Turn off the music for me, what kind of Buddhist scriptures do you put on the big night, you're crazy!"
Me: "Amitabha, since the donor doesn't understand Mahayana Buddhism, the poor monk also knows a little bit about fists and feet."
It blew up and started smashing my door again.
I directly picked up a knife and handed it over: "Today, you either hack me to death, or go home to Lao Tzu to hold, don't make these useless!"
He didn't take a breath and looked at me stunned.
I guess he usually uses this trick to scare others, and he has tried it repeatedly, but today he met me, a stunned young man.
The knife didn't dare to take it, and the red tide on his face slowly faded.
He even spoke a little incoherently: "You, you, you are so noisy at night, how do others sleep."
I was a little overwhelmed by this sentence: "You robbed me of my lines?"
He sneered and said, "You just moved here, and you dare to go against me, are you looking for death?"
I put my neck over again, "Come, give me a good time!"
He pointed at me, his fingers trembling: "Okay, okay, you wait for Lao Tzu."
This kind of scene is usually said by the loser, and I ignore it.
Close the door directly.
The world was clear, and I finally slept peacefully.
05
I slept until noon the next day.
I ordered a takeout and sat down in front of my computer, ready for another chapter.
Half an hour later, the phone rang.
I'm a little confused, in order not to be interrupted, my courier and takeaway will be remarked at the door, so usually no one calls.
"Brother, can you come out and get it, or put it downstairs for you?"
I wondered, "Why can't you put it at the door?"
"Why don't you come and take a look?"
I opened the door and was greeted by a foul stench.
There were several large bags of garbage under his feet, and yellow and green juice flowed all over the ground.
There's really no place to put your feet.
Use your ass to know who did it.
So, I went straight to the door next door and unbuckled my belt.
Cast a water spell on his house.
Turbid urine poured over the door, making an exuberant sound.
The DNA in my brain seemed to move.
A picture involuntarily came to mind: on the grassland 20,000 years ago, our Homo sapiens ancestors dragged huge animal flesh back to the cave, and the intense blood attracted countless birds of prey, surrounded by strong beasts, and a pair of scarlet eyes lit up in the depths of the dense forest.
Several young men from the Homo sapiens group stood up, sprinkled a soak of majestic urine outside, and forcefully announced the ownership of the territory.
The smell of urine filled with male hormones dispelled the smell of blood in the air, and after a few hesitations, the beasts dragged their hungry bodies out of the cave.
Half-asleep and half-awake, I seemed to see my ancestors give me a thumbs up.
This is an affirmation from genes.
It's a hearty release.
I saw the little brother with a dull gaze on the side, so I kindly invited him to come and have a bath to liberate my body and mind.
By the way, in the civilized modern society, experience the same primitive renegade of the forbidden pleasure.
It's a pity that the little brother is a decent person in the end, and he can't get rid of this heavy moral shackle.
I smiled and went downstairs to the hardware store to buy a shovel to plaster the walls.
When I was going home, I was stopped by an old man again.
"Young man, you had a fight with 302 last night, right?"
I nodded.
The uncle sighed: "Oh, you just moved here and don't understand the situation, this family is very difficult, don't mess with it if you can."
I laughed, "Why are you so afraid of them? He's not the emperor."
"Their family is a hooligan, and they can't afford to mess with it!" The uncle said, "I live downstairs in his house, and I can't sleep because of the noise every day, I have called the police, I have looked for the property, but it is useless! And then he threw cigarette butts on my balcony!"
The neighbors next to him also gathered around when they heard this:
"My family lives on the first floor, and I originally planted a peach tree in the small yard, and I worked hard for several years to wait for it, and it was about to bear peaches, but his child came over the wall and picked them all.
This tree is not worth a few dollars, but it is my own work! I went to his family, and they said that their child had eaten my peaches and had diarrhea, and they wanted me to pay for the medical expenses!"
"They also littered downstairs, and I once went to work and got dirty water smashed on my head!"
"The basketball court in the community was also taken by their family to dry the quilt, which is not reasonable at all!"
……
Sure enough, it's a bullying honest person who is used to bullying.
The more I listened, the more excited I became.
It's just scum, I don't have any burden in my heart!
A group was set up on the spot for everyone to bring in the victims.
I'm here to avenge them.
Then humming a song upstairs and turning the garbage out.
Mostly some swill, and the smell of it made my eyes hurt.
I went back and got a blender, beat it up, and wiped it all over his door.
The chain eyes are all blocked by me.
A dark green door smoked me straight to tears.
Swarms of flies are buzzing, calling for friends, and the two hands are rubbing together to spark, and I guess they are asking, is this the legendary happy planet?
I looked at the time, and I estimated that the family would be back in half an hour.
took a photo and posted it to the group.
After a while, the group has expanded from a dozen people to thirty people.
As soon as the photo came out, the group suddenly exploded.
"What kind of décor is this? Swill Wind?"
"I can smell it through the screen, little brother, you really can't do it."
I said, "Neighbors, come to my house, and there's going to be a good show right away."
As soon as the words fell.
I heard the sound of ducks coming upstairs.
", mom come and see!" His child cried out, "Our house has been smeared with excrement!"