The other day, Ali Wong got divorced.
Huang Ali, an Asian-American talk show actress, is a world-renowned "net yellow".
Once with the meat on the bed, the feces of fertility pee fart out of the circle in a large area.
For example, she let many people know for the first time that pregnant women will leak urine after giving birth, and their bodies will be destroyed into a mess.
As soon as she opened her mouth, it was a world where women over the age of 25 wanted to complain every day when they opened their eyes.
This stand-up woman suddenly announced a few days ago that she was ending her eight-year marriage with her husband.
A peaceful breakup will raise two children together.
As soon as the news came out, many melon-eating masses felt that the "cool text" had shone into reality.
Because the strangeness of Huang Ali's marriage lies in money.
At first, Huang Ali thought she was married to a rich second generation of Dafang.
Who knows, in order to protect the property, the man forced Huang Ali to sign a prenuptial agreement, clearly stating that she could not rely on her husband after marriage.
Now, she has upgraded to a rich woman by talking about talk shows, and this prenuptial agreement is like a boomerang, which ends up protecting her money.
Divorce doesn't have to be divided into ex-husbands, what could be cooler than that?
However, this is not a cool article at all.
All the details of Huang Ali's storm growth and wealth after marriage point to the current ending.
Or --
As early as the moment she held her stomach up and said talk shows, she had already embarked on this path.
Her sister came to borrow Huang Ali today to talk about this road.
Because it inspires not only women, but also the majority of men who are in or about to enter marriage.
Awakened desperate housewives
The marriage script that Huang Ali originally got had a little Bit of Mary Sue flavor.
Husband Justin Kashiwata, a Harvard Business School graduate, inherited his father's business and served as vice president of a multimillion-dollar technology company.
The key is that the appearance is not bad, once known as "Harvard Wu Yanzu".
So the first time Huang Ali saw him, she was determined to soak him and trap him.
At that time, her life vision was:
Marry early and retire early, never go to work again, and concentrate only on being a housewife.
Refuse to struggle and roll in, just want to lie flat.
But a forced prenuptial agreement put her plans to the ground up.
The agreement detailed the extent to which she could not rely on her husband's property, which gave her a direct sense of crisis: I would be finished without him.
"That prenuptial agreement frightened me, but in the end, being forced to sign a prenuptial agreement was one of the greatest things that ever happened in my career."
The sense of crisis that there is no way out pushes her out to make money in her career.
She can go on stage with a big belly and talk show when she is seven and a half months pregnant, and each stop is more than an hour.
In the past year, her performance tickets have risen from 10 US knives to 1000 knives and one ticket.
Funny and poignant, exaggerated and real Asian female perspective talk shows quickly made her popular all over the world.
She has experienced a sense of disillusionment after hard work and injustice in marriage and childbirth, and every woman in front of the screen, especially married women, will feel sour and affectionate after watching it.
Huang Ali originally walked into marriage with a misunderstanding.
She thought that the housewife was just relaxing at home watching TV, going out to ask her girlfriend for yoga and afternoon tea.
But her vision ignored the option of "having a baby", and the result, naturally, was that the child taught her to be a new person.
After eight weeks as a "mother-in-law housewife", she became a desperate housewife.
Every day I just want to say: the old lady has had enough.
The price of the housewife is only exposed after becoming a mother.
It's a job in hell, with no social security, no co-workers, and all day long with a humanoid electronic pet.
The pet can't be restarted yet, and she's on the verge of child abuse as soon as she runs away.
But that's nothing, having a baby is a fart compared to breastfeeding.
The body of a woman who feeds a child is a canteen.
Nipples are pulled back and forth every day, and the end is like the little plums that are thrown around by the bear in "The Revenant".
There was also the aforemention postpartum leakage of urine, she had to wear giant diapers after childbirth, and the whole person was as messy as a sumo wrestler who had lost a game.
Only then did she realize that maternity leave was used to restore the devastated bodies of mothers.
These are the psychological and physical double disasters that Huang Ali cannot escape as a mother.
But in contrast, her husband's father is too relaxed.
He accompanied her to the maternity check-up and was praised: he was too considerate.
Occasionally changing a diaper for a child is "really remarkable, sprinkle flowers."
He had to do almost nothing, just a qualified father.
But if Huang Ali is like him, she must be an unqualified mother.
She knows too well the double standard of the definition of mother and father.
Many people like to ask Huang Ali how to balance family and career, but they will never ask her husband this question.
Men never have to balance, they ignore children 90% of the time, but no one feels anything wrong.
The physical and mental exhaustion of parenting is only a small part of Huang Ali's married life.
Greater disillusionment, the pressure from earning money to support her family, also came to her side.
Two weeks before she bought a house after marriage, Huang Ali learned that her Harvard high-achieving husband was saddled with a debt of 70,000 knives.
And this money, she later helped to pay it off.
Spitting on her husband is a regular item in Huang Ali's talk show.
For example, she earns money, her husband has the confidence to lie flat, and going to work is just a hobby, after all, her wife has money. (Huang Ali:)
So we see that Huang Ali, who has been complaining about her husband, is divorced.
Before, she thought she had a good eye and found an Asian man.
There is no body odor in them, only the smell of responsibility.
Later, I learned that the crows in the world were as black as black.
When it is necessary to bring up children and share responsibilities, men always think about life and escape from reality in the toilet, and turn a deaf ear to the needs of their wives.
This made her have to reflect, if she also has a wife who can make money and bring a baby, how successful should it be?
In the end, it was Huang Ali who paid by mistake.
His dream of lying flat was realized by her husband.
The woman who vowed to be a wife, self-reliant and earned a lot of money, but instead raised her husband to become a wife.
Huang Ali, who carried the responsibility of raising children and raising a family for seven years after marriage, envied single people incomparably.
I just want to ask myself, who used to want to trap a man, how I was trapped by a man.
Fortunately, men are scheming, marriage will lie, but the money in hand will not deceive people.
She used to expect her husband to guarantee the rest of her life, but now she's sure she can survive on her own and live well.
This is the ending that no one wants when signing a prenuptial agreement.
Before: Leave him and I'll be finished calves.
Now: Leave me and he'll finish the calf.
yes.
Huang Ali succeeded, and also decided not to bear it.
So we see that Huang Ali, who has been complaining about her husband, is divorced.
She had changed long ago
Huang Ali and her husband broke up peacefully, without dog blood and tearing, which is actually the norm for many people to end their marriages at the moment.
There is a kind of marriage, there is no fatal contradiction, men do not cheat, women do not cheat, but in the end it is still impossible to go on.
The problem here is:
The needs don't match, and the growth is not synchronized.
And these two points were also thoroughly exposed in Huang Ali's marriage.
Just like Huang Ali, at the beginning, her wife dream and her husband's status as a rich second-generation president matched "perfectly".
In the past, this traditional marriage pairing, male outside, female inside, more harmonious and stable.
If it is really this kind of "traditional marriage", Huang Ali and her ex-husband may still be able to go on.
But the problem is that the prenuptial agreement that Huang Ali was forced to sign doomed this is not a "tradition" in our cognition.
This is nothing more than a new era of men's "both... Again".
Matchmaking is one-sided in this marriage.
And it is.
Huang Ali, who was pushed out of the family by the prenuptial agreement, found that her personal value was still ignored after a broad world outside.
When you work outside, money is earned.
In internal parenting, children are also to be brought.
Her financial abilities have changed, but her situation has not changed.
Even, women's habitual introspection after being wrapped up in the outside world for many years is like a shadow.
She also has the uneasiness of ordinary strong women, worrying about too much power and pushing too hard in relationships, worrying that others will see themselves as a cold workaholic mother.
But the husband, as a man, has always been the beneficiary of this family, and does not have to support the family or bring a baby.
You can lie flat at will and you can avoid responsibility.
In contrast, the sense of unfairness and exploitation in it will inevitably surface.
And the point that growth is not synchronized is also visible to the naked eye.
Huang Ali grew into an independent heroine, but her husband was still in the same place, and even regressed, and stability naturally ceased to exist.
But all this, women themselves, will always be able to see and remember.
The development trajectory of Huang Ali's "fantasy entrusted for life - disillusionment" represents the growth path of many women in marriage.
Women have changed dramatically in recent decades.
Women have gone out of the family and made money and careers like men, and they have already stood up to half the sky.
But after entering the marriage, I found that it was not only half the sky that they had to stand up at home.
Because they are the only ones who have changed, the cultural structure and family structure have not changed.
Men have not received any education or rewriting and still play a traditional role in the family.
As a result, excellent, independent external requirements, and heavy housework, childcare pressure go hand in hand, modern women have to "shoulder to shoulder".
Before they get married, they want to be a better version of themselves.
But after marriage, they also have to become better wives and mothers.
It's a mismatch of self-perception and external definition.
This misalignment is not the first time it has occurred.
Dai Jinhua once said that in the 1980s, Chinese women who walked out of their families had a huge pressure due to "shoulder picking".
But at that time, women in the traditional cultural structure and family structure, they did not have the ability to recognize and name the problems they faced, so they fell into a kind of "nameless disease" -
At that time, many excellent female scientists and leaders, while being proud of themselves, could not escape the deep guilt.
"I'm not a good mother, I'm not a good wife."
Although the family structure and cultural structure have not been rewritten, more and more women have gradually woken up.
They no longer torture themselves inwardly, and are trapped in a collective, unspeakable pain.
Instead, the spearhead of the inquiry is aimed at the outside.
What manifests itself in marriage is—
Disappointed and disillusioned with their marriage, they decide to leave.
The traditional set gradually lost the effectiveness of kidnapping, and they no longer accepted the "shoulder picking" narrative for no reason.
Remember before Yang Liping was inexplicably attacked?
Some people say that her greatest failure as a woman is not to have a child, and to live herself is all montessed.
Her sister was still uncomfortable seeing these words.
But what made her sister feel relieved was that there were many women who stood up for Yang Liping at that time.
Qi Wei regurgitated:
One's biggest failure is that we are still defined as "women" to this day, and we are no longer fertility tools.
Yu Kewei has only eight words: live for yourself, fairies.
Chen Shu threw out a screenshot: "Is the value of a woman used to have children?" ”
"No."
Li Ruotong asked rhetorically: Why do you have to get married? It's better not to get married than to find the wrong one!
The central idea of the sisters is only one sentence:
Women's value has nothing to do with marriage and childbearing.
So --
Qin Lan can publicly state that having children is not a woman's obligation.
"My womb makes it unusable, what's the matter with you?"
Su Min can escape in middle age.
Yu Xiuhua can fall in love in middle age.
Han Shimei can write poems to the podium of the United Nations.
That set of outdated female value orientations is outdated in the scale of women's lives.
As the tide rushes forward, there is no day to stop.
Women's needs are no longer to settle in the inner chamber, to handle the upper and lower levels, and their dedication, dignity and value should be seen.
This value is not the traditional value of the wife and mother, but the value of her as a "person", standing between heaven and earth.
When this need is difficult to meet, women can only use choices to express their positions:
They either choose to enter into marriage cautiously or decide to withdraw from it.
They earn money on their own, give themselves courage, and go the way they want to go.
Will he wake up?
But in contrast to women waking up, some men are still asleep in past dreams.
Just like Huang Ali's husband, he is unwilling to share the responsibilities within the family and only wants to be a vested interest.
What's more, they try to pull women back into their outdated dreams.
Scholar Liang Yong'an pointedly at this:
"Since the Industrial Revolution, men's progress has lagged far short of that of women.
Men's understanding of women is still stuck in the traditional pattern, placing women as appendages and placing them in the position of secondary sex. ”
In 2022, some men's imagination of women is still lacking, full of "daddy".
It is best for a woman to be a good wife and mother and have children.
Personal values are firmly tied to marriage and childbearing, serving and sacrificing men.
There was a "warm rural older men's quilt project" before, and the official saying was "encouraging young women to stay in their hometowns".
More than one Olympic champion was later urged to marry.
No matter how strong the women are outside, they have achieved great achievements, and when they go home, they are still beaten back to their original form as a good daughter-in-law, and obediently take the baby to do housework.
The expectation of this mainstream value is, in the final analysis, still the inertia of the domestication of patriarchal thinking.
The times are moving forward, and the clouds of patriarchal culture still hang over everyone's head.
Her sister often sees some men and is very eager for her father's marriage.
They want to go back to the old days when men and women were outside the women, women washed their hands to make soup, and men threw their hands as treasurers.
Now for them, everything seems to be "messed up".
Thousands of years of patriarchal culture have given the status of male dominant, and they are still in the bubble of traditional narratives.
But times have changed, and so have women.
They have their own talents and creativity, and they don't want to be hidden anymore and become the little women behind the big men.
The separation created by this change has opened up a gap between the sexes – men are increasingly confused with today's women.
And the reason behind it is simple.
"Men are confined to their own cognition and cannot see the value of women."
I can't see that women have also studied with themselves, and they also want to chase their dreams and write a glorious life history.
Invisible women have also worked hard as themselves, pushing the gears of society forward together.
Invisible to the flesh of women, there is also independence, creative ability, and a sincere and brave heart.
But all this, women themselves, will always be able to see and remember.
In this situation, if men continue to sleep in the past and do not want to grow, they will be left far behind by women.
The cracks cut out of sync due to the lack of growth will widen wider and wider.
Ang Lee said in his autobiography:
"I think that husband and wife get along like everything, it is not static, it needs to be adjusted moderately, and even remain unchanged by change."
In fact, not only between husband and wife, but also between men and women.
This adjustment and change, applied to ordinary men, is -
Go beyond the past, get rid of the taste of daddy, and renew your ideas.
See and respect the value of women as "people".
The women of today are no longer women who are raised in the boudoir and live between the square inches.
They are a new generation of educated, career-fighting women who have written history.
Undoubtedly, this is an era of rapid transformation, rapid change and scarcity of love.
Everyone is in a huge torrent, male or female.
Along with this, the forms of love, marriage, and family may be reshaped one by one.
Women are abandoning their past identities and boldly embracing new changes.
And if men don't keep up, get stuck in the rhythm, and let themselves indulge in traditional narratives, they are doomed to be left far behind by women who have evolved.
And all this is just the beginning, and the "Huang Ali" who decided to withdraw will only increase.
Because once women wake up, they will not be willing to sleep anymore.
Click "Watching" for the female power that stirs after waking up from the dream, and the women who are more courageous to make choices.
And some men who are sleeping — it's time to wake up.