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Kinship is one of the most special kinds of kinship. Obviously, there is no blood connection, but because of the love for the new person, they are connected together and become the closest and strangest people.
The relationship between the parents and the family affects not only the two families, but also directly affects the lives of the young couple. It is not uncommon for the family to end up causing the young couple to fly apart because of the feud between the relatives.
In fact, there will not be a lot of daily contact between relatives and families, as long as they can maintain basic courtesy and politeness, it is easy to get along peacefully.
The contradictions between relatives and families are basically because of the love for their children. Since there is love, there is no contradiction that cannot be resolved. If you don't want to have a vendetta between your relatives, don't do these three things.
This is both love for children and the most basic emotional intelligence.
One: Don't compare
The love of parents for their children is selfless, but at the same time possessive. Just like the mother-in-law relationship, the reason why the mother-in-law relationship becomes the most difficult relationship to deal with is because the mother-in-law will feel that the wife has separated the attention of the son.
Many contradictions between relatives and families are derived from this.
One party feels that after the child gets married, it becomes someone else's child, and it is no longer as concerned about itself as before, and the child that she has worked so hard to raise has been taken away by other families. Especially for parents who don't live in the same place, the feeling of being "taken away" will be stronger.
In fact, many times, this "being taken away" itself is an illusion. The child is still your child, but he has his own family, and his energy is more invested in his own small family than the "other pair of parents" that parents think.
Taking a step back, even if the child invests more energy in his father-in-law and mother-in-law, or in-laws after marriage, it is understandable. After all, as a newly formed family, a newly joined family member, it is normal to want to integrate into this new environment faster and spend more thought.
Parents should be encouraged by their children's "eccentricity" instead of complaining to each other. It is precisely because the child trusts you wholeheartedly that he will ignore you a little. Because they know you won't be mad at them, and you won't blame them for not counting well.
Whether they come to see you once a week or only once a month, you are still his dearest parents.
Two: Don't meddle in your child's life
Parents' worries about their children are endless, no matter how old the children are, whether they have become parents or not, in the eyes of parents, they are still the treasures to be cared for in the palm of their hands.
Many parents always have a hard time letting go of their children, or let their children live according to their requirements as they did when they were young. After marriage, such behavior is often easy to cause conflicts between relatives and families.
There are no impermeable walls in the world, and your interference with your children will always reach the ears of the other parent. In their eyes, they will feel that you are interfering not only with your own children, but also with their children's freedom.
If only one parent does this, the other parent will feel unfair and why should my child live as you wish. If both parents want guidance, the child caught in the middle is the most guilty. They will be tied up and confused.
The greatest love is to let the child grow on his own, and not let your love become a burden in their lives.
Three: Don't be too close
The relationship between relatives and families has always been sensitive and awkward. On the one hand, it is the closest family, but in essence it is still two strangers.
In fact, the interaction between relatives and families should not be too much, and it is enough to maintain daily etiquette and sexual exchanges. The more contact, while it may enhance the relationship, it also has the risk of increasing friction.
The core of communication between relatives and families is nothing more than children.
If one of them talks about the children's lives, but the other party does not know, it is inevitable that there will be some knots in the heart, whether the child and I are separated, why I don't know these things.
Even if the two sides know each other about something, they will not have exactly the same views on some things, which may create some estrangement.
The more you interact and understand, the more contradictions that may arise. The people around us who are least likely to tear their faces are often those who nod their heads. Distance is sometimes the best umbrella.
I hope that all the relatives can put the happiness of their children first and create a harmonious big family together.
END