01
I saw a question on Zhihu: Because the bride price collapsed, is it still worth saving?
The male protagonist is a college teacher, and has a garage, the down payment of the house has been paid, he also proposed to pay off the loan later and get married will add the woman's name. At present, he is still repaying the loan, and after paying off the loan every month, his salary is still 3,000 yuan. Halfway through the renovation, in addition to the cost of hard decoration, he cared basically empty, and there were soft decoration costs in the later stage, as well as parking spaces and so on. The expenses are very large, he is a headache, his parents are working in administrative institutions, it is estimated that they can not make any big money.
The girlfriend was his co-worker, had a younger brother, was engaged and unmarried.
The girlfriend's parents sell electric cars, and the younger brother helps out in his parents' shop.
They had originally planned to get married this year, but when they discussed the bride price, they broke up. At the beginning, it was okay to say as much as he wanted, and the male mother said to give 120,000 8, and his girlfriend also agreed. But I don't know why, later his girlfriend said that the bride price should be 180,000 8, which can't be lower, and the two of them quarreled because of this matter.
The male protagonist feels that he is more difficult, after all, the decoration costs a lot of money, and the parents are not particularly rich, and it is too difficult to do economically. The male protagonist thinks that you yourself have a younger brother, just engaged, how much dowry you give to others, you can also understand me. The male protagonist also asked "is there any anti-money", and the girlfriend was angry, saying that "the money her mother did not keep, let her bring it back".
The male protagonist said, "Bringing back is your money, I will not move you", they discussed that the three gold contained or not, and finally did not talk about it, and the two people also wanted to break up. The male protagonist is also angry, feeling that he is very broken, and their feelings can not withstand the bride price of 180,000.
After they broke up, the girlfriend said: We are finished, your mother saw me for the first time to give me the 6,000 yuan and gold chain I gave you back, my mother gave you 3,000, I will refund you 3,000, I have told my parents, you took back all the tobacco, alcohol and tea to pack you back to send home, don't contact me again in the future.
Subsequently, the girlfriend blocked his WeChat.
The girlfriend didn't give him room to negotiate, because of the bride price of 180,000 8, the relationship between the two of them was over.
After I read what the male protagonist said, I personally feel that there is nothing to redeem, she did not consider it for you when you were difficult, is there still a need for redemption?
To be honest, the dowry of 180,000 8 is indeed a bit high, and it does not include three gold, if you buy three gold again, is it more than 200,000, follow-up or not to do a wedding banquet, etc., you spend so much money on getting married, have you ever thought about how to live in the future?
Marriage should have been a good deal between the two people, and the two of them were college classmates, so many years of feelings, how could they let the bride price stand in their way? To think about your future life, you have to plan for the long term, not the amount of a temporary bride price.
This is good, the two people broke up, but it also shows a problem: the two of them are not suitable at all, the bride price is so small that two people make trouble, how can they live together? In the future, there will be more trivialities to face in marriage. Such feelings are really not worth redeeming.
The bride price is a mirror that can see a lot of problems, can see whether the two of you are suitable, and can see whether the three views of the two families are consistent.
02
Many marriageable men and women have discussed the bride price with me.
In fact, I personally feel that the bride price and dowry are just a good blessing for both parents to give their children to form a newborn small family, which can be used as the starting capital of a small family, which can be had, but it really cannot be exaggerated. Tens of thousands of dowries are on the line, hundreds of thousands of really too unnecessary, especially the kind of free love between the two sides, not to mention the "sky-high" bride price with your mouth open.
You have to plan for your future life, some very few girls are going to get a high dowry, but have you ever wanted to live in the future, making your boyfriend's family in debt, and in the end it is not you who suffers?
I thought about when I was discussing the engagement with my boyfriend, and my boyfriend asked me how much my mother's bride price was? My mother said that thirty thousand yuan is enough, in fact, our village already had a market price of 100,000 yuan at that time, but my mother would not be embarrassed by the bride price, so she said thirty thousand yuan.
Later, when I got engaged, my boyfriend took out his own money and gave it thirty thousand yuan, which my mother gave me directly, and she didn't keep a penny. Not only did I not stay, but I was later given twenty thousand yuan. Our family has three daughters, and when each daughter marries, my mother gives a dowry of 20,000 yuan, which is impartial. Twenty thousand yuan dowry is not much, but my mother did not ask for a high dowry, the twenty thousand yuan is her mother as a wedding gift to us. For a rural family, it is good that parents can give a dowry to all three children.
Not only that, but later we had our own children, and my mother gave an extra ten thousand yuan.
"Twenty thousand marriages, ten thousand children, you are both the same." I'm not going to make money with my daughter, and I want you all to have a good life. Everyone in our village who did not go to college wanted nearly 100,000 dowries, but our family, are all your own love, you are all college graduates, I did not ask anyone more. And the tens of thousands of dowry money are also in your hands, and I also gave you extra money. ”
My mom is thinking about our happiness and future.
The 30,000 pieces of dowry money given by my boyfriend were later used by me for decoration, and the house did not have my name, and the two of us had a good relationship, and we really didn't care so much. When we get married, it is also very simple, there is no wedding, there is no three gold and a wedding ring, it is simply to get a certificate, and two people are married.
The reason why it is so simple is because we have no money after buying the house, both of us are very poor, and we don't want to spend our parents' money on the wedding, so we simply didn't do it. Because we are both living our own little lives, we are the helmsmen of a small family, I can understand him, and I can fight with him.
After getting married, I got pregnant and gave birth to a child, the eldest was raised by myself, I took the child while writing, and often stayed up late. My income is more than my husband,And I have to pay so much in the family, which caused me to be very unbalanced at one point, and I quarreled with him: "People have to spend everything to marry a wife, and the dowry wedding three gold can not be less, I, so be considerate of you, but what have I got?" You don't have to pay me to support my family, I'm very independent in my marriage and I have children that I raised myself. Just because I married you, I had to pay so much. ”
But then I figured it out again, as long as others are good, I have no complaints.
There are big and small earnings in marriage, and whether people can make money is also related to opportunities, you can't complain too much.
It's all for our little family.
I worked hard with my husband for six years, and finally changed from a small two-bedroom house to a fairly large house. I paid a big down payment on the house, but I still wrote his name, and I wouldn't bother with him so much, after all, we are husband and wife, a family.
What is the point of me saying so much? If your partner's character is more reliable and the two of you have decided to spend your life together, then you have to bear the storm together. One person really can't carry it, living in a big city is so difficult, one person's money goes to pay off the mortgage, then the other person's money has to be responsible for supporting the family.
Now where is there any absolute "male outside the female protagonist", ah, is that both people have to earn money.
If you want a small family to live better and better, you have to take care of each other and work hard together. This is also the meaning of marriage, the meaning of home.
03
Really, sometimes you can't be too embarrassed about money.
We all have to have a deal, we can't force others to be difficult, but if you can't negotiate anything, maybe you shouldn't be together. Capable girls don't take the bride price seriously, because they can make more money on their own, and they only value a man more about whether he is good. Therefore, when a man is really very good, even if he does not get a penny of the bride price, there are still girls who will marry.
If you can't talk about the bride price, it's better to get together and disperse, and if the three views are not in harmony, you still have to find something suitable for yourself.
The girlfriend of the male protagonist at the beginning, still quite free, decided to break up, and also returned all the money spent before. Maybe she herself is good to discuss, maybe she thinks too much about the comparison with her future sister-in-law. Don't compare yourself with others, the key is to see that you have been with him for so long, whether that man is worth your trust and trust.
"Our feelings can't withstand the bride price of 180,000 8": there is nothing to regret, not a family, not to enter a door, good to get together and disperse.
Today's topic: Do you think it is a pity that you are upset because of the bride price? Welcome to leave a message.
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★ Author: YIBAO; emotional original author, writing about the warm emotional affairs of this world.