The biggest common denominator of most yelling parents is that they can't empathize with their children when it comes to learning.
We must understand that the child's bad behavior may be a false catharsis of negative emotions, not deliberately looking for fault.
The reason why we are angry with children is most likely because we feel that children are really unreasonable, and children's behavior has caused us great trouble.
Indeed, from the perspective of our adults, it is difficult to penetrate the child's heart. Children's thinking ability does not meet the standard of maturity.
Many times, what we think is unreasonable behavior is just a catharsis of the child's inner emotions, not deliberate mischief.
Any parent in daily life is easy to achieve a state of empathy with the child, usually in the two sides of the mood is more unimpeded, for example, the child has something particularly happy, then the normal parents will also feel more happy emotions;
For some negative emotions, such as the child is injured, or the game is lost and begins to cry, the average parent will feel sympathy to comfort the child at least at the beginning, of course, the duration of this patience will vary from person to person.
But in the child's learning, it is often more difficult for parents to achieve this empathy.
There are many reasons for this, usually people discuss that parents have better grades when they are young, and they are all one by one in their memory, usually so that the requirements for others will be higher; or the individual is not Buddhist enough, acute.
Perhaps the biggest sticking point is that parents themselves have not had difficult learning activities for a long time.
Parents themselves have a vague memory when they are the same age as their children, and most of this generation has not been baptized by chicken babies when they are young, and the requirements and contents of learning are far easier than those of today's children, so there is often an impression of "I have never been like this before".
Therefore, its cognition of learning comes more from the experience of middle school or college, and the learning content in these periods is actually very small, most of which is focused on repeated training, and the cognitive style and ability are very different from children.
By substituting these experiences into the child's experience, it is easy to get the impression that the child "does not understand" and "does not want to do".
In fact, most parents open a math book they have never read before, and his/her experience and learning performance is not necessarily much better than that of the child. In particular, if children who have just started school do not develop learning habits and interests in advance, they may have the same impression of learning and doing homework in their hearts as adults opening a book that has nothing to do with their work.
With this difficult experience, understanding the feeling of being overwhelmed by intellectual challenges and wanting to escape is more likely to feel empathy for the child, and at the same time understanding how to guide the child to overcome these difficulties in the process of learning.
Adults stare at their children's homework, completely forgetting whose homework is there and who is responsible for it?
When parents are no longer anxious about their children's homework, they may let go of their impatience, ask their children, tell them that you can empathize with his feelings, and make suggestions for solving problems.
Parents who are accustomed to staring at their children's homework may be the same in other aspects.
But parents just need to remember one thing: you can't go around the child every day, around the child to his old age.
Don't wait for the day when the child becomes selfish and incompetent, only to wake up, it turns out that the parents are staring too much, letting go of too little time for the child to be autonomous.
In short, do not treat the child as an adult in this matter, try to replace education with boring repetitive training; but also understand the child as an adult, which may be better for the parent-child relationship.
As the saying goes, "Good medicine is good for the sick, and good advice is good for the ear." ”
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[Author of this article]: Secretary Zhang of Orangutan Village
[Original Statement]: Some of the content of the article is excerpted from the Network, if there is infringement, please contact the author to correct and delete.
[Column Introduction]:
"Orangutan Ball Has Something to Say" is a parent-child education column of the new media channel under "Orangutan Ball Village". We aim to help more families improve their parent-child relationship and let the flowers of the motherland have a good childhood.
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