There is a line in "Little Parting":
All the love in the world is for reunion, only the love of parents is to point to separation.
The best parent-child relationship in the world is to prepare for future separation, which is a bit heavy, but it is a fact.
Psychologist Sylvia Claire said: The real successful love of parents is to separate children from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible, and the earlier this separation, the more successful you are.
The greatest success of parents is the success of their children's education. The main purpose of educating children is to make children mature and independent, and have the ability to face the future life alone.
As the saying goes: There have always been many rich and many ladies, and since ancient times, there have been few great men.
The love of parents for their children is the same. However, the gender of the children is different, and the parents' education methods are also different.
Most parents tend to "enrich" their daughters when educating their daughters, cultivate their daughter's temperament, emotional intelligence, and aesthetics, enhance her vision, and make her inner rich.
Because parents know that their daughters will marry when they grow up, they are prepared for separation in advance, and while loving their daughters, they try to cultivate their daughter's ability to be independent.
Let the daughter not be completely dependent on her husband in later family life.
When educating their sons, most parents usually "raise" their sons poorly, and they will be more strict with their sons, and they will cultivate their sons' sense of responsibility through all aspects of tempering.
Parents will let their sons know that in the future he will be the backbone of the family and will have to take on the heavy responsibility of raising children and supporting parents.
Different forms of education will have different results.
Under the two different forms of education, girls are usually more independent and more receptive to separation from the original family; boys tend to focus on the original family and have a strong sense of responsibility for the original family.
01. Two different ways of education
Netizen Duran (pseudonym) and boyfriend grew up under two different educational methods.
Duran is the only child of a second-tier city, although she is from an ordinary citizen family and has an average family, her parents love her and give her material demands.
Moreover, she often takes her everywhere to broaden her horizons; in terms of cultivating her interests and hobbies, her parents have never fallen behind, and she has attended many training courses such as dance and vocal music.
Although her boyfriend Dong Feng (pseudonym) is also an only child, his parents have a completely different way of educating him.
Dong Feng comes from a small county in the fourth and fifth lines, and his family is quite well-off, but he has been working as a summer worker since high school. After being admitted to college, he was more work-studying, working part-time while attending school.
In the four years of college, except for the first year, which was given by his parents, he did not open a penny to his parents for the remaining three years, and even saved 5,000 yuan.
Duran met and came together with Dong Feng at a colleague gathering.
At first, her parents were not satisfied with Dong Feng, but her parents respected her choice and after serious discussion with her twice, they did not say anything.
After two years of interaction, her relationship with Dong Feng was stable, and the two put the marriage on the agenda.
Taking advantage of the holiday, she also returned to her hometown with Dong Feng, visited her mother-in-law, and discussed some specific matters of marriage.
02. The boyfriend has ulterior motives and buys a 170-square-meter large suite before marriage
Originally everything went smoothly, but in the process of buying a wedding house, she found that Dong Feng seemed to have ulterior motives.
At that time, Dong Feng alone bought a 170-square-meter large suite, two bathrooms, two halls and four bedrooms, and a large and a small two balconies.
Duran didn't think much of it for a moment, just a little angry.
The two had been looking at the house before and locked in several areas, but the house was far from the main city, not in their target area, and it was still a second-hand house.
Dong Feng explained that the house is very good value for money and very sought-after...
It turned out that the house was introduced by Dong Feng's friend, the owner temporarily decided to sell the house, the price was more favorable, Dong Feng was worried about the long night dream, so he quickly paid the deposit.
When he returned home, Duran was still angry and told his mother about the house. Mother casually asked, as far as you two young people live, it is too wasteful to buy a large suite of 170 square meters.
The mother woke up the dreamer with a word. Duran agreed with Dong Feng a long time ago that he would live independently after marriage and not live with his in-laws.
However, in this situation, Dong Feng seems to be about to overturn his original promise.
03. It feels like I'm a tool person
Duran couldn't sit still and called Dong Feng. Dong Feng did not immediately deny it, and said casually: "My parents only have my one son, and when they are older in the future, they will definitely move to live in our city." ”
Later, Dong Feng saw her fierce reaction, and then explained: "Mainly because the house is cheap, I bought it, and my parents have nothing to do with it, in fact, my parents are very good, after we have children, they will come to help bring, then you will know that they are very good to get along with." ”
Duran was half-convinced and had just calmed down.
Dong Feng also said: "You can rest assured, my parents will come to the pension in the future, they will pay their own down payment and buy another suite, hang it in the name of the two of us, and we will repay the mortgage." ”
After she listened, the whole person was not good, this 170-square-meter large suite in Dong Feng's name, to repay thousands of mortgages every month, lasting 30 years, in the future Dong Feng's parents to buy another suite, and decades of mortgage ...
Dong Feng continued: "My parents will buy a house in the future, marriage can no longer let them spend money, decoration and wedding money, we think of a way together, if it is not possible, I still have 200,000 quota on several cards ..."
Duran couldn't bear it any longer and complained, "It feels like I'm a tool person, and I got married to help you pay off your mortgage together." ”
04. Different ways of education, the three views and cognition are also different
Duran was depressed. She can now be sure that Dong Feng's purchase of a 170-square-meter large suite is indeed an ulterior motive, and it is entirely for the future to make plans for a large family to live together.
A mature marriage relationship requires both parties to be able to break away from the original family and form a new family together, but Dong Feng's various words and deeds show that Dong Feng's heart is still unable to complete the separation from the original family.
Duran hesitated, not knowing whether the relationship should continue.
She knew that Dong Feng was filial and recognized this fine quality, but she also knew that people who could not complete the separation from the original family could not manage a good marriage.
Because in the minds of such people, the concept of "respecting the independence of others" is lacking. In his perception, your marriage to me is my private property, and you must bear all the responsibilities of the original family with me.
Duran posted online and asked: Should I make myself a tool man in order to get married?
Haruki Murakami once said: Not all fish will live in the same ocean.
Different growth environments and different educational methods will also have different views and cognitions.
People with different views and cognitions are destined to face many difficulties when they live together. Without a strong heart, and the ability to empathize, it is better to stop the loss in time.
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