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Reprinted from: Servant Review
ID：yayafupan
The genius girl Kotani was on fire, and a bunch of people came to me and asked, "Who is her father, such a child with a fork?" "I was confused when I asked, ha, who I know, it's not me anyway."
Not only are we readers, but a bunch of people on the Internet are busy helping this baby find her father, and finally digging up a former Google No. 5 employee who graduated from Harvard.
As a result, this person refutes the rumor, saying that he is only the ex-boyfriend of Ling Ling's mother, and the child is 5 years old when the two are good.
I wonder, isn't sports a competitive game, does it matter who the father of an Olympic champion is?
Her father is a referee, can he help her get a champion? Or is it that her father is also a world champion, so her results are not hard work, but all inherited.
Why do a handful of people care so much about who Daddy Gu is? Pure curiosity aside, I have summarized that there are two main kinds of psychology:
The first kind of psychology is that they can't accept that such a powerful child is actually without a father, which is equivalent to challenging cognition, because in the traditional concept of the Chinese people, "children cannot live without a father."
Even many women who are unhappy in marriage choose to be patient, mainly because they are afraid that single parents will have an impact on their children in the future.
Does it really have an impact? Yes, you see Newton, Adam Smith, Gram Lton, O B Ma, Bezos, Musk... These bullfork characters are all single parents, and they all grew up without fathers.
Does this mean that "there are fathers who delay the success of their children"? Of course not, this just shows that the mother has a much greater influence on the child's development than the father.
So why are single-parent families labeled? You must know that the requirements that a person puts forward to others are precisely the projection of the heart, and they can't reach it before they ask others.
Some of the parents' actions, ostensibly for the sake of their children, are actually the manifestations of their own weakness, she does not have the courage to bear the consequences of the choice alone, that can only find other reasons to comfort.
The other part is economic, more than 90% of the domestic family conflicts are because of money, two people do not earn a lot, let alone a single parent?
The party who raises a baby alone has great economic pressure, so naturally he has little patience for the child, and if he does not do well, he will scold, and the psychology of that time will definitely be affected.
Kotani's success is tantamount to punching the face of this label and prejudice: not all children in single-parent families grow up in resentment, and mothers and grandmothers alone can teach a good baby, as long as she grows up surrounded by love.
Those secular ideas, the discrimination is not gender at all, but resources.
Miss Gree Dong's son is also a single parent, do people dare to say him? Will he be worse off than the able-bodied you and me of his parents? Not really.
Not only is it a single parent, But also when Xiao Tani's mother gave birth to her, she was almost 40 years old, and if she had given birth to her first child in China, she would have been abandoned to death long ago, and her fertility would have been questioned.
Didn't you say that Mother Gu had not faced the pressure of marriage and childbearing before this? There must have been, but she still made a brave choice.
Look at how many girls in their twenties and thirties in China, under the pressure of their parents and traditional concepts, make immature choices and sacrifice personal preferences, just to become normal people in the eyes of the public.
Having a child, Gu's mother did not say that she would devote all her energy to raising a baby, but took the baby while working, skied with the child, and dated the Google boss at the same time.
This must not be turned upside down in China: in front of the child and a man other than her father, is there still a "woman's way"?
Kotani is a bully, but when playing the extreme sport of skiing, he fell into a concussion, lost his memory on the spot, and also had a cleft clavicle bone and ligament strain.
If it is in China, my parents have long been the main choice of two, what championship to take, ah, mixed sports students into Peking University.
But her mother didn't interfere, not even when she was dressed sexy, with wild makeup and exaggerated jewelry.
In other words, you, your child took the first exam, but dyed a turkey head, can you accept it? You can endure, she principal can't stand it.
But why was Mama Gu able to do it? Because when she was a mother, she was very mature, emotionally stable, responsible, had a complete and healthy three views, and an economic foundation.
The person who can treat children well is usually very strong and powerful, she has been groping all the way, knowing what is most important and what can be ignored to be an excellent person.
Just like solving a problem, you only know how to teach your child if you can get a high score and tell her which is the score point and which is the pit on the test paper.
There is a famous saying on the Internet that her daughter does not need to go to Stanford. In fact, this is just literal, and the deeper meaning is:
1) Children should not have so much pressure, parents to study in prestigious schools, you do not necessarily want to, the important thing is lifelong learning and find hobbies.
2) If you don't go to Stanford, your mother will love and accept you unconditionally.
3) Mom is a very hard worker, I believe that her children will not be bad, whether there is a Stanford degree to do blessing does not matter.
There is also a psychology of helping Xiaogu find a father, which is to find psychological comfort, which means: When the mother is such a cow, we already know, tell me how strong it is to be a father, let me die early.
People left a Stanford, right a Harvard, light gene we are not the same starting line, then what else to learn, her success I can copy, where to paste ah?
This kind of person commits a lot of mistakes that parents will make, called blind imitation, do not like to think, and only like brainless copying homework.
There are so many powerful, powerful, and rich families in the country, are the children of these people so powerful? Can't copy it, learn from it, and then take another step forward under the existing conditions?
If nothing else, there are two educational concepts of Gu's mother:
1) Allow children to make mistakes, which you think is wrong, but innovative for children;
2) Praise less for being smart and praise harder for your efforts. Praising the child's intelligence is actually a change of direction to praise herself, and the wisdom is not smart, but praise the child's efforts, she will work harder.
—— Do you think it is not necessary to use these two sentences on children? We just don't boast, less scolding her a few words "why so stupid, so stupid" can't we?
Xiao Tani's parents and grandparents are all from famous schools, they are very good, they have some good learning habits to teach their children, which is true, but you want to say that it is all genetics, and what class solidification, I do not agree.
You think that Gu's grandparents were high-ranking cadres, graduated from Peking University Jiaotong University and other first-class universities, but before they were admitted to college, what they did you did you didn't know, maybe they repaired the earth, and later became cadres by studying.
Of course, you can also say that the diploma content of that era was very high, and it was not comparable to now.
That Xiao Tani's mother went to the United States from Peking University to study, even if she started from scratch in a foreign country, she did not start at Stanford, and went to two unknown schools in a row.
A foreigner with no money and no good education, working hard in those places in New York and California, is no less difficult than if you go from a small town to Shanghai and Beijing.
But she still survived, not only entered Stanford, but also crossed over into a financial elite, returning to China to engage in venture capital.
Her parents were no matter how good they were in the engineering world, they didn't reach the point of Wall Street, right? If there is, it is to teach her how to change her destiny with knowledge.
Knowledge can indeed change destiny, and if you don't, either your knowledge is not enough to change fate, or your expectations are too high.
Obviously, there has been a change, but you feel that it is not enough, what you want is to whizz from the bottom to the top, and it will help you rise from the eighteenth layer to the fifth layer.
When I received the consultation, I met a young man who came to complain, saying that he had come to Beijing from a small place in Hubei and had been looking for a job for a long time after graduation.
But the classmates around him, the grades are not as good as his, because they have a good father, they enter the big unit; there are also beautiful, several good unit offers at will.
He felt that this society was unfair, why did he have to fight for a long time, others can get it effortlessly?
I said that you are already very powerful, a small town child, can go to Beijing City, this is already a very remarkable step, many people dare not dream about it, you should be happy, no matter what, your life path is different from before.
Moreover, good grades do not mean that you will be successful, and society must reward you with something.
You are very diligent and able to endure hardships, which is an advantage, but other people's fathers are very powerful and beautiful, that is also an advantage, you are turning your advantages into resources, and others are the same.
Not every second generation is playing games, there are also struggles, and maybe people have been struggling like you since grandpa.
Your problem is not that your own conditions are not good enough, but that the expectations are too high, and it is unfair to not get it, but in fact it is fair, because everyone is using their own resources to work hard.
Here is a real example, one of my female netizens from inland provinces, from childhood grades are not good, but she wants to learn, the family also supports, is not good at learning, lack of concentration, class old wandering, this problem accompanies her in the first half of life.
The college entrance examination is a pheasant college, that is, a vocational college that is slightly better than Lan Xiang, and she does not want to sink like other children, so she takes the college entrance examination and takes a diploma of double non-two books.
Looking for a job is also general, work for a year or two want to go to graduate school, dead or alive can not pass the exam, so the curve to save the country, asked the family to want hundreds of thousands of want to go to the United Kingdom to study.
You must know that at that time, the sister of the same age had already married, and her family did not agree at first, but it was difficult to do it, and she could only give her the money that was originally used as a dowry.
British school applications are not good, have not heard of it, think about it, the bottom is there, people also have to pick it.
I don't know how she spent this year, anyway, it was quite hard, from the foundation of IELTS 5.5 to the time of graduation, I took a merit grade, which was already stronger than many children.
She felt that she was still not good, did not study enough, wanted to go to a good school again, with this result, the application for a second master's degree was quite smooth, and she entered a slightly well-known university in China.
It was a very hard year, in her words, she had not slept much, and when I graduated, I was a first-class degree (distinction), I was so happy that I quickly applied for a doctorate.
As a result, all the good schools rejected her, and only an unknown university in the countryside was willing to give her a scholarship.
So she went there to continue her studies, Pheasant University's ph.D. that also has a high IQ, she was crushed in minutes, especially painful and inferior, she felt how stupid it was, a sentence others understood in seconds, she had to react for a minute or two to understand.
But she is willing to work hard, others 1 hour to get things done, she is willing to spend a day, slow is a little slower, but the cumulative effect can be ah.
Now in her thirties, she stayed in her British school to work, and when she went out on a trip, she met a handsome English guy, younger than her, an undergraduate at the University of Bath, a graduate student in Cambridge, and working in a well-known multinational company.
She said that she just looked at each other's genes, only agreed to get married, and now the two are living very well, the son who gave birth, round and rolling can not see whether handsome or not.
But if the IQ is like the father, it should not be bad; if it is like the mother, then at least the tenacity and patience are not lost, because she will teach her son how to fly stupid birds first, how to counterattack.
When she told her story, I was quite surprised, because I knew quite a few girls who had advanced to the university, and very few of them could go all the way to the doctorate.
If it is according to some people's point of view, this foreign school is also too watery, the domestic undergraduate can not pass the people, it can receive a doctorate, what is the use of studying, a handful of age do not know when to return to the original.
But I knew that she had changed her destiny to the maximum.
Gu's mother, who graduated from Peking University, changed her fate on her own and realized the support for her children; the female netizens who started pheasant college also changed their fate and the genes of the next generation by themselves.
In Kotani's words, "I want to be the best, but not the kind of good that I have to suppress others, but I want to be the best person I can be."
There are no shortcuts in the world, when there are no children, and there are no parents, but when the best in each other's hearts, there is.
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