1, in order to marry the flight attendant wife, I spent 38 million yuan in Tomson Yipin to buy a house last Sunday, my father-in-law and mother-in-law came to my home to visit the decoration and looked around, suddenly saw

1, in order to marry the flight attendant wife, I spent 38 million yuan in Tomson Yipin bought a house last Sunday, my father-in-law and mother-in-law came to my home to visit the decoration and looked around, suddenly saw blood on the wall, my father-in-law asked me: "Whose blood is this?" I smoked a Chinese cigarette and casually said, "It's your daughter's." As soon as the words stopped, my mother-in-law directly slapped me twice, and my father-in-law took the kitchen knife directly from the kitchen and put it on my neck, when my wife came out of the bathroom, smiled and said, "Dad, Mom, what are you doing?" He just killed a mosquito. ”

2, after my wife gave birth to quintuplets, I was particularly stressed, I did not want to bear this pressure, so I married an obese old rich woman. Now our son, who is one year and three months old, is weaning him, and may not be used to eating. I came home in the evening driving the BMW 7 Series, and my wife slapped me in the face in anger. The son grinned when he saw it, and his wife quickly brought food to his mouth. Just like that, I was slapped 30 times and my son only finished a meal, was it easy for me?

3, today and a post-00s to go to the star daddy blind date, the post-00s are very direct. She asked me: How much do you have in savings? I bowed my head and said: 100,000! She scornfully said: only 100,000, not enough to buy a toilet! I said: Not RMB! She is still dismissive: even if the dollar is not enough to buy a house! Me: Have you ever heard of Bitcoin as a virtual currency? After 00, he immediately cast adoring eyes and shyly said: Hate, it turned out to be Bitcoin. I said calmly: No, mine is Happy Beans!?

4. When I was studying at Peking University, I fell in love with a beautiful teacher. I remember that on Valentine's Day, she said to me affectionately: When I save enough for 100,000, I will marry you! I was particularly touched and said: Well, I am waiting for you! When I graduated from college, I asked her: How much girl teacher is left: I'm sorry, I married a man who didn't need me to save money.

5, the nephew's grades fell seriously, and the brother couldn't help but get angry: "Next week's chemistry exam, if you can't pass, one point less penalty kneels for 5 minutes." Before the words could be heard, the nephew and servant fell to his knees. The brother asked, "What's wrong with you?" The nephew said leisurely: "Anyway, sooner or later, I will kneel, and I will kneel twice to relax." You start the timer, and when the time comes, you can make up for more!?"

6, it may be that the air conditioner was turned on last night, and I was uncomfortable in the morning, and I was a bit evil. After breakfast, I drove to work, and just out of the community, I met a female colleague on the road, so I took her for a ride. When I got off the bus at the unit, I really couldn't hold back and threw up directly! The female colleague covered her nose and said: I will never take your car again, driving so fast, I get motion sickness.

7. A rich woman said to a young man, "I give you two choices, the first is that I give you 100,000 yuan a day for 30 consecutive days." The second one is to give you one point on the first day, and two points on the second day..." Before he could finish speaking, the young man said, "I will choose the second one." "After 30 days, the young man got 4 pieces of 6 mao 5 ... He went to Shanghai with his boyfriend to work, and he found a house in Tomson Yipin and met with the charter wife. The charter wife said: 1,000 yuan rent per month, if you pay a year, it is 10,000. As a high-achieving boyfriend, I immediately discovered the mistake. The boyfriend asked rhetorically: Ten thousand a year, shouldn't it be more than 800 a month? The charter wife listened to what the boyfriend said was very reasonable, and was ashamed to change it to 12,000 yuan a year.

8. The brother-in-law has liked a girl for a long time, so he wrote a love letter to the girl. A girl is a teacher! After receiving the love letter, there was no reply for several days until we met yesterday. The girl came to her brother-in-law with a love letter, and the first sentence of the meeting asked: "Do you know where you are wrong?" The brother-in-law said awkwardly: "I'm sorry, I wrote some content..." The girl stared at Qing: "A letter totals 425 words, 12 sentences are not smooth, 38 typos, rewrite!" ”

9. I especially love singing and participated in the most authoritative music program "The Voice of China". In order to pass the audition smoothly, I practiced songs at home every day. Today at home practicing "Love in Death", the girl next door came and knocked on the door, the door opened, she said: "You sang the high note just now, right?" It's so good! I said modestly: "It's too much, it's not good." After saying that, she slapped me in the face: "Do you know if you still sing?" ”

10. My girlfriend and I work at the same company. One day off work, we went to the supermarket to buy a lot of snacks. Back in the community, I saw the little Lori playing downstairs, so I gave her some snacks. Little Lori said to me happily: Uncle, you are so good, or I will marry you? Immediately after, I saw my girlfriend's hand that had originally taken out a large bag of snacks and silently took it back!

11. Drive the Audi RS6 that you just mentioned, go back to your hometown in the countryside to catch the temple fair, and take this opportunity to show off. There are many people at the temple fair, which is particularly lively. As I walked, I found a big brother selling belts on the side of the road. He is shouting with all his might: beef tendon belt beef tendon belt, Oxford University after ten years of intensive research, spent countless painstaking efforts, 10 yuan a do not buy regret!

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #