1. A passenger said to the flight attendant, "I'm going to Zhengzhou." The attendant said: "This car does not stop in Zhengzhou, but, dude, when we change tracks in Zhengzhou, the speed will slow down, I will take the car."

1. A passenger said to the flight attendant, "I'm going to Zhengzhou." The flight attendant said: "This train does not stop in Zhengzhou, but, dude, when we change tracks in Zhengzhou, the speed will slow down, I open the door, you jump down." Although the car is not driving fast, you must follow it after jumping, otherwise it will roll you into the wheel. When the train arrived in Zhengzhou, the carriage door opened, and the man jumped off the train and flew forward, and because of his nervousness, he ran all the way to the door of the first two carriages. At this moment, the carriage door opened and another attendant dragged him into the carriage. The train returned to normal speed. The flight attendant said: "Dude, the Spring Festival our train in Zhengzhou is non-stop, all rely on me to pull you up!" ”

2. Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into the shower, washing and washing her and saying: You don't take off your pants, I thought you were a man...

3. My cousin's family is a slaughterhouse, and listening to the howl of pigs tearing their hearts and lungs from childhood, no one will have a good temper. After marriage, her cousin's temper is still hot, and she often quarrels with her cousin-in-law. Last night, the two had a very fierce quarrel, and my cousin came to my house to relax and do handicrafts and paintings with my son. Unexpectedly, her nail seams were stuffed with paint, and she couldn't wash them clean. After my cousin went back, my cousin called me: Thank you, your sister came back and washed my hair for an hour. I've never enjoyed this kind of treatment, how did you help me persuade your sister?

4. Go back to your hometown with your boyfriend, at the mouth of the village, the boyfriend is urinating urgently, it is convenient to go to the grove, I am waiting on the side of the road, there is a grandfather coming, the uncle asked me: "Girl, who are you looking for in our village?" Me: "Uncle, I'll go to Li Xiaodong's house!" Just then, my boyfriend came out and I said to him, "Did this uncle say anything about your village?" Boyfriend: "This grandson who doesn't know, my neighbor" I tugged on my boyfriend's clothes to make him speak more politely, and the uncle next to him saw his boyfriend and greeted him happily: "Second grandfather, are you back?" I rely on, the rural generations are really chaotic...

5. The wife invited several of her girlfriends to come to my house to talk about how to change the baby's diaper, make milk powder, and take a bath. Wife: You're all so disheveled, I can change diapers with one foot, bathe the baby and turn on the lights at night. The wife's girlfriends don't believe it: This is too much to blow, right? Then she kicked me and said, "See? It was like this kicking him, and he immediately went to do it.

6. The rich woman has depression, and the doctor says that conservative treatment is estimated to be 10 million! The rich woman thought about it and said: Doctor, please give me some time! A month passed, and the rich woman went to the hospital to find the doctor and said: Doctor, I am ready! The doctor said excitedly: Great, then prepare for the operation as soon as possible! The rich woman hurriedly resigned: No, the operation is not done! The doctor said with a puzzled face: "So what are you preparing for these days?" The rich woman covered her mouth, smiled, and said: I transferred all my husband's property to my name. From now on, I want to live a happy and happy life!

7. Although a rich man has a lot of family, he is indeed famous for his iron rooster. His daughter loves to cook porridge on the phone with her friends. Every time you talk, you always have to talk for two or three hours before you can hang up. Looking at the huge bill of bills, the rich are very sad and helpless. On this day, he listened to his daughter call, and after only five minutes of chatting, he hung up. The rich man was very happy, and after praising his daughter, he asked, "Who did you call just now?" The daughter replied, "I dialed the wrong number." ”

8. The courier called me and asked me to go downstairs to get it. I went down with my daughter and found a big aunt and a doorman at the door of the community who said that there was something wrong with going out. All the tricks were used, and the doorman was not moved: he had not yet unsealed and could not go out. The aunt was immediately angry: How can you be as sharp as a cow? I teach you how to be a person! I think it's funny, how is Big Mom going to teach it? Unexpectedly, my bear child sneaked over to the doorman and said: Uncle, be principled, you learn a few cow calls, if I don't teach you!

9. After work in the evening, I went to RT-Mart to buy two pounds of abalone, planning to go to the checkout. Suddenly, a handsome man came up to me and talked to me. I was very excited and planned to ask him for a WeChat ID. But the handsome man said: "Beauty, don't misunderstand, as long as my daughter-in-law is lost, I want you to talk with me for a few minutes." I was very puzzled, and the man immediately explained: "I have never been able to find her, but every time I talk to a beautiful woman, she always appears out of nowhere..."

10. Remember, when I was in my third year of high school, I studied late, and I was bored with my table, so I planned to play a game. Meet and write the name of the person you like on a piece of paper and hand it to each other. After handing it over, I opened the paper ball with him, and it was written impressively with my name and his name. We hadn't spoken for a long time, and who would have thought that we would both write our names so facelessly?

11. When I first entered the society, I didn't want to work hard, so I found a 59-year-old rich woman to join in. Now I don't have to do anything to spend a lot of money, and when I mix well, I want to show off. So I organized a school reunion, and they were all envious and jealous of me. While chatting, I learned that there was a classmate who was the owner of the martyrdom hall. I was amazed: "Why did you do this terrible job?" Classmate: "I took it from my father." I said, "You can do nothing!" The classmate said calmly, "Wouldn't that have lost one of my brother's customers?" ”

12. Be a secretary to the boss, when my brother once met the boss lady, she only looked at me for a second, and then immediately said: "Xiao Liu, when you see you, you are a person with no heart, I like it." Later, I asked the boss: "Mr. Wu, your wife will look at the picture, how can you know at a glance that I am a person without heart and eyes?" The boss laughed, took a sip of tea and said, "Haven't you heard of the stupid big one?" ”

13. After eating today, my father was washing dishes, so my mother said to me: Your father must go back to play cards today. I was stunned: Huh? Mom continued: You two have the same virtues, and when you do something bad, you become particularly diligent. I went, why did you pull me to lie down with a gun, I just came over to sweep the floor, I was really diligent, not because I failed the exam!

#Funny##搞笑段子 #