I remember the first time I went to my girlfriend's house, and my girlfriend's father and brother made me unconscious! After getting up, I found that my girlfriend had been rigid-faced, and asked carefully, it turned out that the future husband was last night

I remember the first time I went to my girlfriend's house, and my girlfriend's father and brother made me unconscious!

After getting up, I found that my girlfriend had been rigid-faced, and asked carefully, it turned out that the future husband drunk me last night and asked me: Why did you look at my daughter in the first place?

I replied with a sentence: good breeding is not picky eaters, people are stupid and have no memory!

2. When I was in college, I always liked to share the table, and when my father knew about it, he encouraged him to confess to her quickly.

It happened that her birthday was just before Tanabata Valentine's Day, and my father prepared me a couple of Patek Philippe's couple watches.

After the evening study, I forced my watch into her, and then looked at the watch on my wrist happily, feeling that sweet love was just around the corner.

Just two steps away, my left eyelid jumped wildly, just in time to meet the looking one.

The fortune teller smiled and said: "Left eye jumping money, young man, you are going to make a windfall."

He calculated correctly, and the next day Patek Philippe returned.

The same table said: I'm sorry, my boyfriend won't let me receive such a valuable gift.

3. My grades were not good since I was a child, but my father never gave up on me.

Failing the college entrance examination, my father spent 5 million yuan to send me to another university to study.

Just a few days after arriving at the new school, the gutter oil was exploded, causing panic.

The owner of the canteen was forced to come out under the pressure of public opinion to clarify, he slowly walked up to the podium, cleared his throat, and said: "Conscience of heaven and earth, the dishes of our canteen have never spared oil!" ”

At that time, there were more than 10,000 students sitting in the audience, and none of them came out to refute it!

4. When the brother-in-law was playing football, he hit a girl's head.

The girl's forehead was torn and bleeding, and the brother-in-law did not dare to admit it.

The girl covered her forehead with one hand and shouted at the court with the other: Whoever loses the ball, no one dares to admit it, I will take the ball.

The brother-in-law is about to take away more than 20,000 footballs! I had to apologize.

The girl threw the ball over, pointed at her brother-in-law and said: You follow me to the doctor, you have to be responsible for me!

There was no turning back after this walk, and the brother-in-law was responsible for her for a lifetime!

5. Weekend break, girlfriend is not around, take the salary and want to indulge!

I went to the Internet café and got ready for an all-night queue!

Took out the ID card and handed it to the front desk beauty: "Beauty, pack the night, and then come to the bucket of instant noodles!" ”

At this time, the swipe card machine suddenly prompted: "Today is your birthday, I wish you a happy birthday!" ”

I was stunned at that time, I didn't even remember my birthday, since it was a birthday, I wanted to be nice to myself!

So I said to the beauty at the front desk: "Another pack of hard Chinese, a bottle of Red Bull, instant noodles to add five ham sausages to me!" ”

6. Take the bus today, halfway to a big sister, she weakly asked the driver: Master, I forgot to bring money, I have to bring a bun to share your arrival can not? Driver: Sorry I had breakfast. The eldest sister was embarrassed to get out of the car, and a guy next to her grabbed her: I want to eat your bun, I have change! In this way, everyone paid for the buns, and soon the big pockets of buns brought by the eldest sister were sold out, and they got off happily... When I came home from work, I met my eldest sister with a large bag of bags on the car.

7. After work in the evening, it was too boring to go home, so I drove a Porsche 911 with my wife to Wanda to go shopping.

When I came to the door of a women's clothing store, my wife's eyes were tightly attracted, as if she had roots under her feet, she couldn't walk, and she had no choice but to accompany her to buy clothes.

After carefully selecting, the wife picked up a floral dress and walked toward the fitting room, and after a while, she came out and carefully admired herself in the mirror, and asked: "Husband, do you see me looking good in this dress?" ”

I said impatiently, "Looks good!" As long as you cover your face, everything looks good! ”

8. One day, a man knelt in front of a man's tombstone and cried out in sorrow! The man pounded his chest miserably, his trombone was incessant, and his mouth was constantly murmuring, "Why did you die so early?" The man wept a handful of snot and tears, and the tomb keeper passed by and walked over sympathetically and asked, "Unfortunately, is he your father or your brother?" "Wow... None of them..." The man cried bitterly, "He is my wife's ex-husband..... wow! Why did you die so early? ”

9. The nine-year-old sister-in-law came home from school and said to her mother-in-law: "Mom, our principal chased me today!" The mother-in-law was angry when she heard this, and immediately called the headmaster of the sister-in-law. Before the headmaster could speak, his mother-in-law scolded him! After hanging up the phone, the mother-in-law said to the sister-in-law: "Girl, no matter how sweet he talks in the future, you don't believe it!" The sister-in-law was stunned for a moment and said: "Mother, our principal did not say sweet words to me, on the contrary, he was quite fierce, he yelled at me, the girl who skipped class, you stop me, don't run!" ”

10. The girlfriend went to weigh, just stood up, the scale soared to 130 pounds, the girlfriend looked at me angrily and said: "You don't move me!" I said, "I didn't make it bad!" Girlfriend: "Stay away from me!" Me: "I'm far away from you." The girlfriend looked back and yelled, "Move your shadow farther away..."

11. When I was young, when I was young, my father came to pick me up once, and after that I never let him pick me up again.

I remember when I was in kindergarten, I saw my father holding the bicycle there, so I happily climbed into the back seat of the two-eight bicycle!

I was very happy when I suddenly saw my father start with a span.

Then I was on the ground. Brain melon seeds buzzing.