1. A boss said: Whoever dares to jump into the crocodile pool and come ashore alive will be rewarded with 1 million. Dead to 5 million. No one dared to jump. Suddenly, there was a "thud" and a person jumped into the pool

1. A boss said: Whoever dares to jump into the crocodile pool and come ashore alive will be rewarded with 1 million. Dead to 5 million. No one dared to jump. Suddenly, there was a "thud" sound, and a person jumped into the pool. Only to see him being chased by crocodiles swimming fast, pale, desperately swimming on the other side, after taking 1 million, he was furious: Who pushed Lao Tzu down? His wife smiled and said, "It's me." So then there was the phrase "Behind every successful man, there is a good woman". At the critical moment, I can push you

2 The old man is an associate professor at a 985 university with a monthly salary of 65,000 yuan.

The results of that exam came out, and the whole class failed.

The old man was particularly angry and shouted on the podium: "The judgment question is 50 points, but some people only score 10 points, 20 points?" I only took 10 to 20 points and stood up for me and copied the roll ten times! ”

At this time, a classmate sighed: "It's too dangerous, I am 21 points." ”

Then, the next brother also sighed quietly: "My riskier, fortunately only 9 points." ”

3． In a first-year ma zhe class at Tsinghua University, the teacher asked, "Where were the students when they first came into contact with the word "philosophy"?" Together, he stood up and replied, "Spring Festival Gala!" The teacher asked him incomprehensibly: "Spring Festival Gala?" How is the Spring Festival Gala? The student opened his mouth with a serious expression and sang: "Eighteen bends of the philosophical mountain road, nine consecutive links of the philosophical waterway..."

4． Today is the 18th birthday of Ben Xian's daughter, but no one remembers such an important day. I deliberately said in front of my parents: Whose birthday does it seem to be today? Dad patted his thigh: Today is our family treasure's birthday! After saying that, I hurried out of the house and came back with a small cake. I smiled and prepared to take it to eat, and then, my father fed the cake to little Teddy!

5． On Valentine's Day, my dad spent a huge amount of money on my mom and bought a gold necklace for 50,000 yuan. After reading it, I was envious, and I always praised this necklace for being beautiful, and I wanted my father to give me one in my words. My mother, who received the gift, said with a smile: Good looks are good looks, but you must not buy it, this thing is not suitable for you. I asked doubtfully: Why is it not suitable for me? My mother replied: Mainly too expensive, you buy your husband will fight with you.

6． Dad made 12 million yuan from stock speculation, so he ran to the 4S store to buy a Bentley Flying Spur. I also want to drive, I went with Fa Xiao to learn to drive, my driver's license is in hand, he has not passed the third section. This time when I went to the exam again, the coach cheered on the novel!! Fa Xiao thought that the coach would open the back door for himself to let himself pass the test, so he replied very flatteringly: "Thank you coach, I will cheer." The coach went up and slapped him: "Let you come on, cheer up, laugh a fart!" ”

7. My girlfriend used to be my manager, she gave me a Cartier watch, I agreed to be with her, and after we were together she asked me to quit smoking, or she would break up with me. I felt very ridiculous, so I lit a cigarette and smoked it in front of her: "You see, I can't live without the cigarette, I am still as dashing as I am without you, you will light me." The girlfriend got angry and said, "That's what you said." I nodded, and the girls who said this to me went, which time it was not the last time to compromise with me. As a result, I was expelled the next day, and now I don't even have the money to buy cigarettes, and I really can't live anymore.

8. Friend: The doctor said to eat more bananas when pregnant, but my grandmother said that bananas are easy to slip tires and cannot be eaten. Me: The old man is right, my daughter-in-law did not listen to persuasion and ate a lot of bananas when she was pregnant. Friend: Did you have a miscarriage? Me: No, my son was born in good health, we all thought it was all right, I didn't think it was when he was 5 years old... My friend interrupted me: Seriously ill? Me: I accidentally stepped on a banana peel one day and slipped.

9. At dinner that night, my friend said to her daughter-in-law, "After eating, wash my clothes." The daughter-in-law said angrily: Why, let me do all the work in the family? Friends say: Who don't you do? The daughter-in-law said angrily: Didn't you say that I was your little angel before you got married? The friend nodded and said, "Yes, angel angel, that is, the angel of heaven summons!"

10. When I went to the hospital today, I was in front of a student. The student said: Doctor, I feel that I am recent, and my sleep is a little abnormal. The doctor asked: What are the symptoms of this? The student said: I wake up at eight o'clock every day now. I heard the doctor say in particular helplessly: At eight o'clock in the morning, it is time to wake up! girl...... 11. When the brother-in-law was studying at the same table as the woman, he raised the bar with him every day. Every time the two of them fought red in the face, the two of them quarreled again when they were about to graduate, and finally the two cursed each other: they were single for a lifetime! After many years, the brother-in-law and the girl met each other! The whole process is extremely awkward, like sitting on a needle felt... Later, because of the dinner and checkout, the two actually fought... Now I feel that there is a reason why my brother and sister beat my brother-in-law to death every time!

#Funny Scene of the Year # #搞笑一刻 #