1, in the field of business travel, at night to find a small hostel to live, in the hostel to see the time card, the following wrote week 8, I casually said "where is the week 8?" I wrote it wrong" at the front desk

1, in the field of business travel, at night to find a small hostel to live, in the hostel to see the time card, the following wrote week 8, I casually said "where is the week 8?" The girl at the front desk looked at me, smiled and said, "That's not an 8." Me: "Not 8 What is that?" The little girl blushed and whispered, "Hate it ~ I know and ask me", "What the hell is this time?"

2, the niece today all kinds of cute, hit the head when said: "I'm sorry, head." Then accidentally fell when said: "I'm sorry, foot." Then just as I touched her head, she turned her head to look at me, then quickly turned around and whispered, "I'm sorry, eyes..."

3, do not cook on the weekend, life is in vain ~ a good man is me, I am a good man. Of course, a good and cheerful weekend time will be wasted in the kitchen! Without further ado, serve it directly to everyone and see how I make fried chicken thighs. Although the shooting is a little ugly, but to be honest, this taste is still quite unpalatable, give my dog to eat, he does not smell it!!

4. Recently practiced at the driving school, subject two has been practicing for three days. When I was practicing today, I saw a new girl coming, and I took the initiative to propose to the coach to press the car for the girl! The coach was happy and looked at me with relief. Then the coach pointed to the pond and said: Last year, a girl reported to our driving school, but she couldn't tell the difference between the throttle and the brake, and directly led a car into the pond! Several of us started laughing, and that's when the coach looked at me and said, "I didn't expect that this year she's here again!" I took one look at my sister and suddenly started to get scared!

5, yesterday went to the foot washing city to relax, I took off my shoes and waited for the arrival of the female technician. After a while, a female technician crouched in front of me, and we looked at each other, and she turned out to be my ex-girlfriend. She looked at me, couldn't help but burst into tears, my heart was broken, comforted her: "Honey, the past is over, don't cry, besides, you proposed to break up!" The ex-girlfriend held back tears: "I went, after so many years, your stinky problem of not washing your feet has not changed, look at me smoked!" ”

6, last night promised his wife to go home to accompany her to dinner, the result was called out by the company leaders to socialize with customers. The consequences can be imagined, stepping into the house to see my wife sitting on the sofa in the living room, she looked at me coldly and said, "Kneel." I looked at her, didn't immediately carry out the order, walked to the bedroom and turned around before kneeling. Not why, because the bedroom had underfloor heating.

7, last night overtime until four o'clock in the morning to go home, afraid of noisy neighbors, so the footsteps are very light, just walked to the stairwell of the floor of the house, suddenly the next door opened, crept out a man, saw me look down and hurried downstairs, I smiled in my heart, because the man next door was transferred to the field last year, there was only a woman in her thirties with a child, which is also very normal! When I woke up in the morning, my mother told me that there were thieves in the courtyard, and three families had been stolen, including the one next door...

8, the female manager broke up, I saw her secretly wipe away tears and take her to the bar to drink to dispel her sorrows. After three rounds of drinking, I asked her: What would happen if I leaned close to you? Female manager: I will resist! Me: What would happen if I reached out and wrapped my arms around your waist? Female manager: Of course I will resist! Me: What if I forced you to kiss you? Female manager: This still needs to be asked, I will still resist! Me: If I... Female manager: Do you have an end? Don't you know that a woman's power is limited after all?

9, the subway is overcrowded, but the girls would rather stand than sit in the empty seat next to me. Until I arrived at the station, no one came to sit. "Is it because my handsome made them deer bump into each other and dare not come near me?" Should I wear a mask next time? "I put my socks on and got out of the car as I reflected.

10. Last semester, a roommate in our class went to the school canteen to buy some breakfast, and mistakenly brushed 250 yuan. In the end, there was no way but to go to dinner every day until the extra money was used up. Poor my roommate ate a bun for a semester, and when I was late for the holidays, my bun brother still owed me 2 yuan 5. The most infuriating thing is that my roommate in college for four years didn't find a girlfriend! Until graduation, one day walking on the campus boulevard, I listened to a group of girls behind me pointing and whispering: "Yes, it is him, don't look for such a boyfriend in the future, go to the canteen every day to eat buns without giving money!" ”

11, under the severe torture of me and my father, it turned out that because they wanted to eat durian recently, but it was expected that the good living expenses were bought by my wife and my mother for cosmetics, so they came up with the method of weight loss to deduct me and my father's food expenses to buy durian to eat. I was really beaten by their cuteness!

12, the monthly exam is over, the test scored 58 points, home Dad took a look, silently lit a cigarette, shook his head and said: "Don't say more words, next time try, there are still three points to pass." "At that moment, I think I already knew why!

13, since I was a child, I have a problem, I will teleport when I smile, so when I was young, I have already traveled the world. Later, I discovered the inconvenience of this ability, such as not being able to control the location after I teleported. Just now, when I was taking a bath in the bathhouse, I saw a fat man step on the soap and fall, and I laughed when I didn't hold back. As a result, I will go to your balcony, big brother, please, believe me, I have nothing to do with your daughter-in-law, I am teleported, you don't take a kitchen knife! ”

14, the sister-in-law is a strange thing! Last night the sister-in-law asked me to help her lipstick on the Internet, and the sister-in-law said: Sister-in-law, write your delivery address, just when I send you a gift! I said no, lipstick I have, usually not much makeup, enough. As a result, the sister-in-law said: No, you must accept it, if you feel embarrassed, you can send me a red envelope! At that time, I was stunned, this is clearly a strong buy and a strong gift, the key is to spend my money!