1. The sister-in-law is married to an American, and after the marriage, the sister-in-law has not been out of the house for a month, and we ask her how can this be? She said with difficulty that foreigners were really strong and did not drink alcohol, so they picked me up and couldn't stop falling on my legs and lying down for a month.
2. My wife went abroad, there are two people left in the family, my mother-in-law is 48 years old, the long charm still exists, because my father-in-law left early, so my mother-in-law has been single, my mother-in-law is in a company as a financial director, the ability is very outstanding, the income is also very high, so there are many bachelors who want to pursue my mother-in-law. But because my wife was not happy that her mother would find a stepfather for herself, she has always opposed her mother's remarriage. This time my wife went abroad, and many bachelors felt that there was an opportunity, and they all flocked to my house to propose to my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law was embarrassed to face such a scene, so she asked my son-in-law to come forward for her. In the end, I secretly operated, selected the chairman of our company, and let him and my mother-in-law come together. Our chairman promised me that when he retired, the whole company would be taken care of by me. I'm so witty!
3. . The cousin is the secretary of the owner of the life company, because the cousin is beautiful and the boss lady has a sense of crisis. She gave her cousin a check for $1 million to resign, and then her cousin took the money to open a beauty shop. Opening today, let's go and help put on the old-fashioned salute. I found that the lead of the salute was too long, so I decided to cut the lead so that it could be released quickly. As a result, a cousin and a girlfriend picked up the lead and took the lighter directly to ignite it. Seeing that it was about to be lit, she also said calmly: Burn it off or not
4. After coming home from school last night, my sister and I started carrying it again. The elder sister said to me: They all say that their daughter is the lover of her father's previous life, and it is really not false, you see our father, they don't love to take care of you! I rolled my eyes and said, "But Daddy calls you by your first name, but he always calls me Son!" The old sister's face slowly did not look good, and the father held out his hand to me and said: Son, bring your ID card, I will see what your name is!
5. After the opening of Alipay Flower Shell, the viciousness directly rose to 20,000 yuan. I was so happy that I rushed into a KFC on the side of the road after work to treat myself. Just preparing to order food, a beautiful woman came over and said shyly: "Today's couple package discount is only 120 yuan, the single package is 80 yuan, but I only have 60 yuan on me, I see that you are a person, can you ..." I said happily: "Of course, you can fight the couple package together." She shook her head: "No, no, you misunderstood, I want to ask if you can lend me 20 yuan?" ”
6. I am a house sales in Country Garden, and today I finally paid a salary, I sold thirteen houses last month and received a salary of 900,000 yuan! As soon as the salary was paid, the hostess said to me: Don't put all the money in your pocket is not safe!
As soon as I listened, my heart tightened, and the lady boss was right, I can't take this money away by my wife.
After that, I solemnly returned the money to the hostess...
7. Last night, I took my ex-girlfriend and current girlfriend to a restaurant for dinner. At that time, many people in the hotel did not have empty tables, so we had to sit at a table with a big brother. After a while the dish came, I first peeled a large crab and put it in the mouth of my ex-girlfriend, who was very happy and kissed me. I also wanted to clip another sea cucumber to my current girlfriend, but the big brother opposite stopped me. The eldest brother said: Little brother, you little lovers show affection for me, but can you stop eating my dishes?
8. My husband has been learning Wing Chun since he was a child, is an inheritor, often goes to other places to teach, and earns more than one million a year. Recently, my husband was on a business trip again and gave me a video chat in the evening. The husband asked: Honey, isn't our washing machine broken? Did the maintenance master come to fix it? I said: It has already been repaired, and the repair master is very handsome. Husband: Really? How handsome is that? I thought for a moment and said: Sword eyebrow star eyes, ape arms and bees waist, just like the male protagonist in martial arts novels. Then I blacked out my husband because I sang to him "Mouse loves rice", "The moon represents my heart", "Love you for ten thousand years", and his voice was dumb, and he kept saying that I was a flower fool, saying that I hated him for being ugly!
9. The goddess sat next to me at the party, and I guessed to speak to her, but I didn't know where to start.
Halfway through the meal, it suddenly rained outside, very big and big! So I asked her: It's raining outside, how do you go back in a while? She said: It's okay, my boyfriend will drive a BMW to pick me up in a moment! Then I don't talk, I drive when I pick up, why do I have to say the word BMW? Where is my Santana worse than BMW?
10. When I was in junior high school, I started to take a nap in a Chinese class, in the warm sunshine. In order to keep up with the teacher's thinking, I deliberately turned my face to the teacher, held my head with one hand, and still slept. The Chinese teacher was heartbroken and scolded: "You just slept in class, but even slept with your face and nostrils facing me!" "I...
11. After work a few nights ago, after eating some barbecue on the side of the road, I asked, "Do you have an invoice?" The boss listened to the tone and said in a less friendly tone: "No." I listened and asked, "If you don't open an invoice, can you wipe the pieces?" He looked at me, put down the fan in his hand, and said, "Brother, if you don't have any money, forget it." You said you ate two gluten and a meat skewer for a total of 4 dollars, and you let me wipe it! ”
12. I know an older brother who has his own small shop, earns a lot of money, and has a generous hand. This time he fell in love with a girl and gave 1 trillion to put in front of her, and a Porsche icon. The girl angrily smoked his big mouth and sat in the back seat of the uncle who opened Wuling next to him! She said to her brother: You still keep your own flowers! After saying that, he and the uncle went away. The elder brother looked at the 1 trillion and Porsche said: You don't want it, I take it back to my shouyi shop, some people want it!
#Funny paragraph # #搞笑 #
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