1. The college entrance examination results came out, I scored 731 points, I did not expect to be the first place in our school. The same table called me and asked: I scored 685 points, how much do you have? I said sadly

1. The college entrance examination results came out, I scored 731 points, I did not expect to be the first place in our school. The same table called me and asked: I scored 685 points, how much do you have? I said sadly: I just took the test a little more than 700. Table Mate: That's also very good, your dad promised you that the Rolls-Royce arrived, right? Me: No, it's just a Maybach. Table Mate: Alas, I can only drive my Rolls-Royce, and I'm just 15 out of 5 to buy a Maybach!

2. Today and a female colleague went to the hotel to open a room, after the end of the matter she went to take a shower, then her mobile phone rang, I don't think much about it directly, after the answer to react is her husband. Witty I said: "Is it your mobile phone, I have been waiting for an hour, now people love to lose mobile phones!" Then his husband weakly replied, "Oh thank you." "Give me a thumbs up for my wit."

3. I used to drive my girlfriend's fit and accidentally hit the street lamp. The policy showed a loss of 77,000, and Ping An Insurance said the vehicle was scrapped to 77,000. The garage bid 80,000, all kinds of routines, I don't know how to operate. In addition, it is not my own car, and I am afraid of trouble and directly hand it over to the insurance company. Later, I asked my girlfriend to know that his car ran 9,000 kilometers, which was quite valuable.

4. Futukang's supervisor got married, and I attended the wedding with 20,000 yuan. At the wedding feast, there was a little girl sitting next to me, probably six or seven years old. She had a haggard face but a very good appetite, and she ate every dish seriously. After a few sips of Coke from a large bowl, I noticed that her Coke was still steaming. Curious, I asked her: Why is your Coke still hot? She chewed on the dish and said: This is not Coke, this is cold particles and diarrhea, I have a cold and diarrhea, Grandma said that the doctor will not let me eat randomly, I stole it, while eating and drinking medicine must be fine! With this IQ, this child will become a great instrument in the future!

5. After graduation, I worked at Huawei and had a good relationship with the sister in the personnel department. Today she said to me, "I chewed gum when I went to work and accidentally swallowed it." I comforted: "It's okay, it's good to discharge, but I'm afraid..." The girl hurriedly asked, "What are you afraid of?" I smiled and said, "I'm afraid you'll fart and pop out a bubble." ”

6. When I was in chemistry class today, the teacher asked a question, which was a multiple choice question. The table mate whispered: D. I was silent for a moment and said, "C." The teacher looked at us and then said, "It's good that Mr. Chen was able to stick to his wrong answer." After sitting down, the teacher gave us this question. After class, I asked at the same table: Why don't you believe me? I replied helplessly: I was full of crisp noodles, and as soon as I said D, it all squirted out.

7. The rich woman has depression, and the doctor said that conservative treatment is estimated to be 10 million! The rich woman thought about it and said: Doctor, please give me some time! A month passed, and the rich woman went to the hospital to find the doctor and said: Doctor, I am ready! The doctor said excitedly: Great, then prepare for the operation as soon as possible! The rich woman hurriedly resigned: No, the operation is not done! The doctor said with a puzzled face: "So what are you preparing for these days?" The rich woman covered her mouth, smiled, and said: I transferred all my husband's property to my name. From now on, I want to live a happy and happy life!

8. Today I asked my buddies to drink, and when I saw his frustrated look, I asked him: What's wrong with you, aren't you happy?

The brother sighed and said: The family has recruited thieves, the money has been stolen, and I asked in surprise: Is the loss big?

He said: There is no less, more than a thousand yuan was stolen, and I comforted: Don't be sad, just be a broken fortune to avoid disaster.

He shook his head and said: One is sad, and the other is that I feel too stupid, and I haven't found the money my wife has put in the past few years.

9. My ex-girlfriend is a flight attendant at China Eastern Airlines and I was invited to her wedding. At the wedding, the ex-girlfriend wanted to make a good impression on everyone. Only to see her dignified out, smiling and entertaining the distinguished guests, accidentally stumbled on the foot of the table and fell on all fours to the sky. The bridegroom was in a hurry and wanted to help her forward. Only to see that, she rolled over and said, "Gentlemen and ladies, what kind of martial arts am I performing for you?" ”

10. The family said that there are still two months of house demolition, it is expected to get more than 20 million, I heard the news after two words did not say, find friends, find relatives, all kinds of credit cards, all kinds of usury, can borrow all borrowed, made up more than 5 million, straight to the McLaren store, did not think, on the whole one, open on the road music put to the maximum, that is, the result of the next day, tell us, the plan has changed, estimated to delay for 5 years, I now want to ask you, what should I do.

11. The last mock exam before the college entrance examination that year, the math exam in the afternoon. I sat in my seat by the door, the warm sun shining on me outside, and I couldn't help but fall asleep. I don't know how long later, I heard the invigilator call me: Classmate, get up and dry the test paper, wet can not be bound. As soon as these words came out, the whole audience was in an uproar, and even my beloved goddess looked at me with astonishment...

12. My wife has recently been obsessed with practicing vest lines, going out for a run every night and buying a fried chicken leg when she comes home. I told her that a fried chicken leg has 400 kcal in calories, and it takes 240 kcal to run for an hour, and a fried chicken leg to run for more than an hour and a half. At that time, the wife's face immediately turned green after hearing it. Now the wife decided not to run, saying that she was afraid that the chicken legs would be eaten in vain...

 13. The emperor was seriously ill and dying, and the 8 princes and ministers knelt in front of the window to listen to the will. The Minister asked, "Your Majesty, to whom are you going to pass the throne?" "The ideals and ambitions of the emperor have not yet been realized, and he wants to live another 500 years." So he said weakly, "Pass... Pass too..... Pass on the Taiyi..." Then the ambitious Fourth Prince put taiyi to death. So in history, a doctor-patient dispute arose like this.

#Funny##搞笑段子 #