1. The leader gave me two bottles of Wuliangye, which I took to my brother's house as a guest. When I got to my brother's house, I found my little nephew playing League of Legends in his bedroom. I didn't speak at the time, I was right next to him

1. The leader gave me two bottles of Wuliangye, which I took to my brother's house as a guest. When I got to my brother's house, I found my little nephew playing League of Legends in his bedroom. I didn't speak at the time, and I watched next to him. After a while, the brother suddenly rushed in angrily and slapped him. I advised: It's okay for children to play for a while... Just after saying that, my brother angrily interrupted me: I have called several times to go down the road MISS, down the road MISS, and stupid belt line!

2, last week, the brother took his boyfriend home to see his parents, the sky is not beautiful, it rained heavily! As soon as I entered the door, I heard my mother complain: "Your father went to buy vegetables, let him bring an umbrella and not bring it, you see that it will rain so much and you don't know how to come back!" When my boyfriend heard this, he took the umbrella out of the door, and I quickly chased him out and asked him, "You haven't seen my father again, who are you going to give the umbrella to?" The boyfriend waved his hand and said, "This is simple, I can deduce your father's appearance from the way you and your mother look!" ”

3, last week for the first time to take the boyfriend home to see the parents, the sky is not beautiful, it rained a heavy rainstorm! As soon as I entered the door, I heard my mother complain: "Your father went to buy vegetables, let him bring an umbrella and not bring it, you see this will rain so much and you don't know how to come back!" When my boyfriend heard this, he took the umbrella out of the door, and I quickly chased him out and asked him, "You haven't seen my father again, who are you going to give the umbrella to?" The boyfriend waved his hand and said, "This is simple, I can deduce your father's appearance from the way you and your mother look!" ”

4, taking too much "Viagra" can lead to serious vision problems. Viagra may make your vision slightly blue, and symptoms usually disappear within 24 hours, but if taken in high doses, it may permanently damage human vision.

5. A few days ago, I took my son to the zoo with my wife and came to the penguin house. The son asked me doubtfully: Dad, why are the penguins here all male penguins? I said: No, there must be female penguins here, how can you say there are no? The son replied seriously: Dad, don't try to lie to me, because I know that female penguins have bows on their heads, and there are none here!

6, I have been pursuing the goddess for a long time, last week the goddess asked me: "You are poor and ugly, why let me be your girlfriend!" I lied: "Don't look at me ugly, I've practiced iron crotch skills, follow me, you will definitely be blessed!" I couldn't believe that the goddess actually agreed. Today, my girlfriend's girlfriend saw me and asked my girlfriend: "Xiaomei, he looks so ugly, what do you like about him?" My girlfriend looked at me and said, "Stand up, spread your legs, don't move.", bang

7, in the movie theater accidentally fell asleep, when you wake up found that the head is leaning on the uncle next to you. When I woke up and realized that it was too late to go home, I stood up and said, "Oops! ah! Mom will definitely kill me! I was anxious and said to the uncle, "You man, why don't you remind me!" The uncle said, "Girl, your unreasonable strength is really like my mother!" ”

8, when A sister in college was doing part-time work, accidentally received a hundred yuan counterfeit currency, this demand for their own compensation, the sister was anxious, the brother said to help her secretly spend it, and the sister exchanged a real money. Later, when the party mentioned this, the brother sighed and said, "I kept that counterfeit currency until the girl got married." ”

9, the lamp god smiled and said: "Boy, you can say your wish, there is only one Oh!" The young man said, "I want a hundred billion in cash." The lamp god laughed and said, "If a hundred billion cash falls from the sky, you will be smashed to death!" The young man said, "Then I want a bank card of 100 billion." The lamp god said, "Then knowing the password is another wish!" The young man was anxious: "I want a bank card with no password for 100 billion." Lamp God: "This can't work, you have to change another one!" ”

10, my own barber, in the morning a twenty-something boy with glasses to get a haircut. He sat down and took off his glasses and said, "Just cut your spirits." After I finished my elaborate carving, he took on his glasses and looked at it for a while and said, "Brother, honestly, which way do you belong to the immortals?" This will give me more than ten years of Yangshou! You look at me, it doesn't look like forty years old..."

11. The cousin does a physical examination before receiving the marriage license, and plans to find out cancer, and at most he can live for two months. The cousin was very sad, so he went to the monastery and asked the abbot if he had good therapeuticism. The abbot groaned for a moment: "Sell your Mercedes, buy an old bicycle, break up with your wife, find a female drunkard to marry, sell your downtown house, go to the suburbs and buy a broken house." "Then I'll be able to live a few more years?" The cousin asked eagerly. Master Abbot: "No, but you will feel like you are living like a year!" ”

12. When I graduated from college, I took my girlfriend to Hanting, and the next day I saw that my girlfriend had not woken up and crept to breakfast. When I arrived at the bun shop, I was so hungry that I wanted to take some back to my girlfriend after eating. After waiting for a while, the bun came up, took a bite and did not see the filling, asked what was going on, and the waiter replied that the skin was thick. I continued to eat, two or three bites down to the end has not seen the filling, the waiter quickly said: you are eating in fact is the bun!

13, my son took the homework book and asked me to check it. I looked at it, pointed to the book and said, "This word is crooked, that word is missing a leg, your trauma is very serious!" The son was full of displeasure. After a while, the son corrected his homework. I looked at it and said happily, "Well, there's no trauma." "Daddy, is there a wrong question?" I replied, "Son, I'm a surgeon, I'm only in charge of surgery, the wrong question belongs to internal medicine, go to your mother." ”

14, just now I was dancing in the disco, a man pasted a woman and said, "Honey, marry me." The woman said, "I want you to marry me in eight sedans." Then the man ran away, and after a while a waiter came up and said, "Miss, there is a gentleman at the bar shouting that he wants to marry you."