1. I finally lived with my girlfriend last night, and when I woke up the next day, I hugged her and looked at her carefully for half a day, and asked her how she took off her makeup and how it was different from usual? My girlfriend shyly threw herself into my arms and told me,

1. I finally lived with my girlfriend last night, and when I woke up the next day, I hugged her and looked at her carefully for half a day, asking her how she took off her makeup and how it was different from usual. My girlfriend shyly threw herself into my arms and told me that you have eaten instant noodles for so many years, don't you know that the packaging pattern is for reference only?

2. The mother-in-law tests the son-in-law. First invited the eldest son-in-law to take a walk, when crossing the bridge suddenly jumped down, the eldest son-in-law jumped into the water to rescue, and the mother-in-law gave him a Guangben car. The mother-in-law did the same, tested the second son-in-law, and was also rescued, and the injured second son-in-law was given an Audi. She tried her third son-in-law again, and the third son-in-law could not swim to rescue her, and her mother-in-law drowned. The next day, his father-in-law gave him a Mercedes!

3. The middle-aged aunt wanted to be an actress and went crazy, so she came to apply for a director to receive her on this day: "In your company, you want to hire a heroine, I have come to apply." The director said, "Yes, but you're late." Middle-aged aunt: "I just saw the advertisement, immediately came, how to say that it is late?" The director said: "You came 20 years late. Middle-aged aunt: "Young is good!" ”

4. The daughter-in-law has become a team leader in the Huawei factory and often travels to other places. Recently, my daughter-in-law went out of town again, and I slept with my three-year-old son at night. I patted him on the bed and fell asleep. At about 12 o'clock I suddenly woke up and found that my son was not around! I went out to have a look, and he was nibbling on an apple while watching cartoons! I asked him: Why don't you sleep? Son: I'm not going to work again, putting you to sleep, can't I take a break??

5. A female celebrity walked into the shoe store, tried several pairs of shoes that did not fit, and the boss personally squatted down to measure the size of her feet. The female star was a little short-sighted, saw the boss's bald head, thought it was her knee exposed, and covered it with a skirt, however, she immediately heard a muffled cry from the boss: "Real bastard, there is a blackout again." ”

6. Girlfriend just graduated from Tsinghua University to work in a listed company, a handsome man from the company came to ask the girlfriend: Girl, are you single? The girlfriend child replied shyly: Yes! The handsome man then said: So ugly, must be single! Angry girlfriend, since then the girlfriend has chased the handsome man and not let go, and then the handsome man has become a girlfriend and a husband. Sitting on the sofa watching the handsome man do laundry, cook, mop the floor, the girlfriend said: I want to tell him a word, that is, 'gentleman repays sorrow, ten years is not late'!

7. Last night I went to the bank to withdraw 500 yuan, and I couldn't stay idle, so I went to buy a pack of cigarettes. As a result, I happened to meet the big aunt in the canteen of our company, and I helped the big aunt to settle the account together. Today at noon, I went to the canteen to cook, and the big aunt scooped three spoons of elbows for me and put them on my plate! I was embarrassed, the aunt spoke: Boy, yesterday's incident should not have happened, let's clear up! The colleagues around me all looked at me with strange eyes!?

8. Drinking mutton soup at a restaurant on the winter solstice, I was alone, and the hostess was helping her daughter with her homework. Then, I heard the little girl say to her mother: See that uncle wearing glasses, do you want to ask him? Definitely encountered a problem, the boss lady will not, I secretly like to show her talent, maybe the boss lady can be free of orders. When I added two or two wines, half a pound of lamb, slowly ate and drank again, I shouted the checkout. During the period, the little girl also reminded her mother twice that the boss lady did not want to come to ask for advice.

After work that night, my colleagues and I went to eat at a star restaurant. When I got home and took out the key to open the door, the beautiful neighbor suddenly embraced me. I suddenly froze, with thousands of twists and turns in my head. All I heard from the beautiful woman was, "Bro, help me." My father was sick. Please help me. His biggest wish is to get married, can I give you 600 days to play my boyfriend? "I also want people's lives to be at stake and can't be rejected. The next day I came to the hospital. Her father was in good health. She didn't want to pull me to chess. She ended up winning two races. She looked at the other side, very unhappy, thinking about 600 a day, not even spending half a day. I didn't make enough money! So two more games came and I was defeated miserably. The old man was very happy and asked me to come every day. I immediately agreed. 600 per day, 18000 per month, what is a year? I don't do math. Who calculates?

Yesterday, the next door neighbor's big brother said he would send me some fresh tea that they grow in their hometown. I boiled water at home and waited for the neighbor to bring the tea back. Most of the time passed and the neighbor didn't send it. The water boiled, I didn't see it. I had no choice but to keep adding cold water to the pot. Half a day later, the water in the pot was full and the tea was not delivered in the end. My wife said to me, "Tea can't be drunk. Why don't you bathe with these? “？

I played on the battlefield for a long time and only won once in total! When I first spotted a gun, my wife told me to cook. I hid in a remote cottage and went to cook! When I came back from cooking, I saw that there was only one enemy left, and everyone else was dead. This enemy had just wandered outside the cabin where I was hiding, and apparently he hadn't found me yet! So I took aim at a gun and killed him with one punch. Finally, the system gives a comment: although the courage is small, but the luck is good!

I'm off work today. I drove my Porsche 911 on a self-driving trip. The car drove to a country road, and I carefully admired the scenery along the way. Suddenly, the truck driver came to me and shouted, "Mom! mother!! Mom!!" I laughed and rolled down the window and shouted, "I'm not your mother!!" As soon as the sound sounded, I bumped head-on into the sheep crossing the road.

#Funny Moment#Funny Paragraph# #搞笑幽默趣闻 #