Yesterday just paid 22,000 yuan salary, after work to eat the buffet, after drinking and eating, I was about to get up and go, but was stopped by the waiter, had to let me make up the difference. I looked empty

Yesterday just paid 22,000 yuan salary, after work to eat the buffet, after drinking and eating, I was about to get up and go, but was stopped by the waiter, had to let me make up the difference. I looked at the empty table and asked angrily: Sister, I don't have leftovers, why should I make up the difference? The waiter said: Yes sir, you are not wasteful, but! We 19 yuan buffet hot pot, you did not eat anything, came to eat our five pounds of abalone, three pounds of lobster, but also drank two boxes of red wine, a box of yogurt, you said is not the need to make up the difference?

2, eating outside and arguing with my wife, my wife got up and said a word when she got up and went home: "I went home and locked the door, you sleep outside the door today!" "Me: Sleep outside the door and sleep outside the door!" When I got to the door, I took the key to open the door, the door could not be opened, and sure enough, it was unlocked. Oh, fight with me? So I stood outside the door and shouted, "Your courier! "No response? Then shouted: "Your courier, do you really want it?" Don't let me go! The wife replied: "Express your sister!" Which courier have you ever seen delivering at 10 p.m.? "Which bastard told me it worked?" Come out, I can't kill you...

3, in the morning, I parked the chairman's Rolls-Royce phantom downstairs, when a four- or five-year-old loli ran to me crying in the community, hugged my leg and said: "Uncle, you married me." "I looked at her stunned... I was just about to open my mouth to speak when I heard a woman's voice: "You are married, and you have to send me to school!" "It was messy...

4, I have a brother with a particularly wide range of knowledge, and nothing can be difficult for him. I asked him how he could know so much? He said triumphantly: I didn't do anything in college, and I went to the library to read books when I had nothing to do, so I knew a little more. I sighed with envy: you are so talented! He shook his head helplessly and said: "Hey, if you can have a love affair to talk about, who will go to the book when you are fine.....

5. When I was in the second grade of elementary school, I was in a math class, and I was swimming, when I suddenly heard the teacher say, "Go on an outing together in the whole grade..."

As soon as I heard that I was going on an outing, I immediately woke up and shouted happily: "Yay! ”

The teacher continued slowly in the frightened eyes of the whole class: "The first class went to 32 people, the second class went to 30 people, and the number of people who went to the third class was half of the sum of the first class and the second class. ”

Then I was laughed at by my classmates for a long time!

6, my husband on the way to buy me fried chicken, accidentally sprained his foot, I am very guilty, this half a month to eat and drink to serve him. Today my husband can finally go out, just walked to the park, a grandfather came to him and asked him: Boy, can you still kick the shuttlecock? I couldn't help but tell him: What are you talking about? He sprained his foot just right, how could he kick the shuttlecock! Uncle: You know, that day we kicked the shuttlecock, he came over and tried to mix it, and he sprained himself!

7, the good brother's ancestral home was demolished, directly turned into an upstart.

He bought a Rolls-Royce Phantom Runner, and every day he wanted to do it, he wanted to slip away.

When he wanted to go home tonight, he suddenly received a single order, which was at the door of the hotel.

When he reached the door, he saw a couple, the same woman who had abandoned him because he was poor.

There was relative silence on the road, and she looked at her expression struggling, as if she was doing some psychological preparation.

When she reached her destination, she whispered to him: Can we go back?

He sat there and said to her: Go back? You have to add 200 bucks to go back.

8, this evening after work and colleagues to go to the star hotel to eat, go home to take out the key to open the door, the door neighbor beauty suddenly hugged me. I suddenly froze, my head turned a thousand times, only to hear the beauty say: "Brother, help me, my father is sick, please help me, his biggest wish is to hope that I get married, I will give you 600 a day, play my boyfriend okay?" "I also think that human life is at stake and cannot be rejected.

The next day came to the hospital, her father was in a OK state, not to pull me to play chess, no way, finally won two games, looking at the other party unhappy, thinking about saying good a day 600, this is not even half a day, I did not earn enough money! So two more innings came and I failed miserably. The old man was happy, and let me come every day, I immediately agreed, 600 a day, a month is 18,000, how much is a year, I can't do math, who gives the calculation?

9, finally passed the driver's license. As soon as I got my driver's license, my dad was in my car, and I said, "Dad, can I drive okay?" The old driver's father said: "When you see me sitting on the co-pilot asleep, it means that you can drive." Shortly after, I asked my sleeping father next to me, "Dad, you just fell asleep?" Dad looked at me and yelled, "I was scared unconscious by you just now." ”

10, a brother is particularly humorous and funny, the pursuit of girls is also very set.

Once, when we were walking the street, we saw a beautiful girl walking in front of us while playing with her mobile phone.

The buddies rushed over, picked up their sisters and ran, running more than 10 meters away.

Then put the confused girl down, pointed to the billboard behind, and said to the girl: That sign will fall down at any time, don't play mobile phones next time you walk, how dangerous!

Now, their children can play soy sauce, and the brand is still hanging steadily!