My daughter-in-law went to work the night shift, came back late, I couldn't wait to sleep, in the middle of the night she just fell asleep, I got up and asked, "Who are you?" The daughter-in-law said, "You're stupid, I... Your daughter-in-law!! "I sucked

My daughter-in-law went to work the night shift, came back late, I couldn't wait to sleep, in the middle of the night she just fell asleep, I got up and asked, "Who are you?" The daughter-in-law said, "You're stupid, I... Your daughter-in-law!! "I took a breath of cool air, and I was immediately scared, when I had a daughter-in-law, I don't know how." Subconsciously, I ran away with my legs, and as a result, I was pulled by my daughter-in-law and snapped two mouths, and I suddenly woke up and realized that I really had a daughter-in-law. I said, "Daughter-in-law, you wait, and I'll cook for you!" "The leftovers are not good, no matter how late my daughter-in-law comes back, as long as she is hungry, I will cook myself." That's right, I do have a daughter-in-law, I have to remember.

2. In my sophomore year, I met my 19th girlfriend, who took her down in three days.

One winter, one day I went to the station to pick her up and take her back to her dormitory.

I said: It's so cold, put your hands in my arms and warm you.

She blushed and said, "Don't do it, freeze you again."

The next year, I went to pick her up again, and she consciously pulled open my clothes and reached in.

Me: What are you doing?

She glanced at me: What's wrong? It's too cold, the old lady is warm and warm!

3, on the bus, a girl's legs are uncomfortable, did not give up the seat to the mother, the mother began to sneer, saying that the girl did not show up, can not marry out, but also said that the girl's parents did not teach her well, blame the parents for how the education level is low. I couldn't listen to it anymore, and stole the big mother's wallet when there were many people.

4, I have been growing up with FC games since I was a child, and these games have taught me the truth of being a person. Super Marie: Success is not about how high you jump, but how far you run. Contra: It's often not the enemy in front of you that stops you, but the black gun behind you! "Snake": It is not the sugar-coated shell that defeats you, but your own growing body, and you are the most powerful enemy. Tetris: Mistakes made accumulate and successes disappear.

5, after going home today, I don't know why, my girlfriend pestered me to tell me the story of my first love.

Naturally, I can't agree, can I still not know this little means of women!

But I couldn't stand her soft and hard bubbles, and when I was just about to start speaking, she came straight up to me and gave me a slap.

The girlfriend said angrily: You look at you like that, before you start talking, you have a fascinated look! Stop it!

After saying that, I was given two more slaps, and I was confused...

6, my ex-wife died of heart disease for many years, I was too lonely at home alone, I planned to go to the pet store to buy a dog to accompany me. I talked to my mother, "Mom, I'm going to buy a golden retriever." Mom: "What to buy?" Me: "Golden Retriever, puppy 1,000 yuan a piece." Mom: "What a joke, why is this dog so expensive, no." Me: "This dog is particularly cute, and when he is raised, he can pull out and pick up his sister." The old mother was stunned for a moment, and then asked me: "Son, is there a ready-made big dog for sale?" ”

7, I took my only remaining 20 yuan, and went to the Langtaosha Internet café with my roommate to play DNF for one night. Brushing the abyss did not explode any equipment, and the next day I felt a little cold. I said weakly: feeling dizzy and uncomfortable. The roommate said: Sick? Then hurry up and look at it. I said: What to see, where is the money! The roommate replied: What disease do you have without money? Aren't you looking for guilt?

8, I am a single dog, playing games at home on the weekend, a phone call came in, a look is a strange number, helplessly picked up: "Hey, who?" Mother: "Son, I am your mother, my mobile phone is out of battery, and the mobile phone borrowed by others called you, you come to the mall to pick me up." "Then I put down the game and went to pick up my mom. As soon as my mother saw me, she said, "Quick, quick, save the strange number just now, the girl is really beautiful, I also asked, people are also single." ”

9, the girl and the boyfriend quarreled, she was so angry that she slammed the door and ran out, and the boy rushed to follow. As soon as the girl ran out of the door, she encountered a large truck, nervous for a moment, and did not move with her eyes closed. The boy did not hesitate to come forward and hug her and push her away! The uncle who was driving the car leaned out and said, "Hey! Am I going backwards okay? ”

10. I am a preschool teacher, bringing a hat into the classroom in winter and being seen by children. At this time, a little guy said to me, "Teacher, your hat is too ugly, so take it off." ”

I teased him: "Then you study hard and buy a beautiful one for the teacher later?" ”

The child didn't even think about it and immediately replied: "When I make money, take you to Korea for plastic surgery." ”

I...... 

11, girlfriend birthday, invited a group of friends to the bar to play, during which there is a small fresh meat constantly persuade me to drink, because I have a bad amount of alcohol, have been rejected one by one by me, but the small fresh meat is still not dead hearted, bluntly said: do not drink is not to give me face. The girlfriend heard this anger and asked the little fresh meat: Why do you always call my girlfriend to drink. The little fresh meat said: Come out to play, and drink to the fullest. The girlfriend said angrily: Don't come with me to this set, you men's flowers and intestines are already written on your face, even if you drunk my girlfriend, it will not be your turn. The little fresh meat was dumbfounded, and could only walk away in ashes.