I am a stay-at-home mom, a stay-at-home mom who is constantly fulfilling her self-worth. Reject anxiety, refuse "inner volume", easy parenting, rational treatment of married life, tolerant response to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I hope that some of my views can make you suddenly enlightened, can bring you positive energy, and solve your practical problems.
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I often see it on the Internet, or hear such a voice in my life: women nowadays are too realistic, have money to talk about feelings, and don't talk about anything without money.
This is not a woman's problem, this is a woman's choice, so it is not easy to choose ordinary and ordinary you.
Women and men swap places, and men do the same.
Isn't the 34-year-old figure skating prince choosing the 70-year-old wedding dress queen Wang Weiwei for money? Don't say it's for feelings. When he had a new goal, he turned around and married a Thai real estate tycoon.
In real life, when I used to work, there was a 95-year-old boy in the office, shouting every day to go to the demolition of the household.
So yeah, people are the same, it's not a man's or a woman's problem.
According to the 2021 census, there are 33.62 million more men than women
In the past year, 2021, the latest demographics showed 33.62 million more men than women.
Of course, the 33.62 million people of all ages must not be evenly distributed, but it is enough to illustrate a problem: in the general environment, the number of men is more than women.
This is the main reason why it is now so difficult for marriageable men in many areas to find a marriage partner.
"High bride price, difficulty in marrying a wife" is a real problem encountered by young men in many regions, and it has also bred more problems.
For example, the man's family spent the family money, married a daughter-in-law to the son, and as a result, they were married for less than a year, and the two people divorced, which is really a marriage of three generations of poverty.
Although there are now some regions that clearly stipulate that it is not possible to ask for a high dowry, it is difficult to implement, and after arriving at the locality, human feelings are the most important, and the rules are set at the top, but they will not be implemented below.
"The money is not in place, do not marry the girlfriend", no one can do anything.
It is difficult to marry a wife is the "part of the bottom", is it really the rule of "Tianji horse racing"?
A netizen said this: "Tian Ji horse racing, superior men marry middle women, middle men marry inferior women, and the rest are upper women and lower males." ”
Because at present, there are two main groups of marriageable men and women, one part is a rural leftover man, who cannot afford to marry a daughter-in-law, and some are urban leftover women, who would rather be single than want to be single.
This analogy of netizens is still very appropriate.
At present, in society, although the status of women has been greatly improved, in terms of marriage customs, in the end, it is still biased towards tradition, and if men cannot afford to give a bride price, buy a house and a car, it is difficult to find a marriage partner.
In the end, it is because there are more men and fewer women.
However, with the improvement of women's status, independent women's ideological awareness has improved, they can support themselves, and can meet a high level of material life, if they can't meet the right partner, then simply single.
Excellent men do not lack partners, excellent men, can still attract a lot of the opposite sex, only those who are not good conditions, will be left behind.
The worse the conditions, the more they want to have a son
For areas with backward economic conditions, there is also an ironic reality that the idea of son preference is serious.
The more backward the region, the more attention is paid to the matter of having a son, and it is precisely because of poor economic conditions that parents must count on their sons to provide for the elderly.
The more sons are born, the fewer and fewer girls, and the more difficult it is for sons to get married later, it is like entering a dead cycle, and the key to unlocking this dead cycle is the local concept.
More than a decade ago, the ratio of boys to girls in the countryside was not so imbalanced, at that time it was not so difficult to get married, the number of single sticks in the countryside was not much, except for some individual poor households, or men with physical problems could not marry their wives, most people could marry wives and start families.
Nowadays, the number of girls in rural areas is small, and the number of young men who are fit for marriage is significantly higher than the number of young women who are fit for marriage, and women certainly have more choices.
The purpose of men marrying is to start a family, and the purpose of women marrying is to have a slightly better life, and since they are more selective, of course, they will choose good conditions.
In this way, there is the current situation.
To improve the situation, the bride price is not the root cause, and the key is to eliminate the idea of "son preference" from the root.
How much "son preference" there was at the beginning is now more worried about the son marrying his wife
I heard a friend tell a real case from her hometown.
A family with three sons, who was really running rampant at the beginning, thought that his family was thriving, and no one in the village dared to mess with it.
Up to now, the three sons have grown up, the eldest has married, and now they are divorced, and the second and third sons cannot marry their daughters-in-law.
How horizontal it was at the beginning, how sad it is now, before there were many sons, more people working, more people doing hard work, now working hard, can not marry a daughter-in-law, everyone pays attention to relying on the brain to make money.
The parents in this family were originally arrogant, and now they are only left to complain about the high bride price, unable to marry their daughter-in-law, and the world is getting worse.
The most you can do is to leave a sentence: "Leave them alone, let them solve it on their own." Or, "I could have married a daughter-in-law, so why can't you?" ”
A family prefers sons to daughters, and it is not a problem to do whatever it takes to have a son, but people in a region are like this, which is bound to lay the groundwork for future generations, and there will always be a generation or even several generations of people who will have a bad life.
Patriarchy is a pedantic concept, and parents who have suffered this should have completely awakened and insisted on such a concept, and in the end, they will hurt themselves.
Boys and girls are the same, especially in this society, women and men, have a fair job opportunity, so parents really should not cling to this pedantic concept and not let go.
Whether it is a boy or a girl, let nature take its course, as long as it comes to be your own baby, educate your child to grow up, and lay a good foundation for your child's future independent survival, this is the most important thing.