In the past few years of writing the public name, I have met many like-minded friends. Today I would like to introduce you to a mother who is very close to me- Sugar Sugar Mom.
Sugar Sugar Mother Anji, after graduating from Beijing Normal University, came to the United Kingdom to study graduate school, and has been living there for 14 years, and a pair of children were born and raised in the United Kingdom.
In the public name "Sugar Sugar Mother's Afternoon Tea", she recorded the family's most authentic overseas life in vivid words, both the sour, sweet and bitter on the road to parenting, the front-line observation of British education, and the personal perception of cultural differences.
With the sensitivity of her teacher training background and the experience of dual education in China and the West, Sugar Sugar Mother is particularly good at learning from each other's strong points and capturing the good experience of parenting from daily trivialities, which is very worthy of our reference.
What is even more rare is that as a working mother without the help of the elderly, she not only brings her two children well, but also picks herself up beautifully, and her life is also sound and colorful. Every time I watch her walk around, make food, and talk about outfits, I feel very decompressed.
Every time I read Sugar Sugar Mom's article, it resonates with me a lot. Her writing style is sincere and sincere, and her writing is delicate and warm, just like drinking afternoon tea with her girlfriends and chatting about the stories around her.
I believe that you have read her tweets and will want to make friends with her.
It is highly recommended that you click on the entrance below, pay attention to the public name of Sugar Sugar Mother, and make friends with this "cloud girlfriend" in the UK.
Text | Anji public number | Sugar sugar mama's afternoon tea
ID | teawithAngie
On December 8th, I was busy as usual. I made a dozen phone calls with colleagues and updated more than a dozen documents. When I finally got off work, I turned off the computer, knocked on the door of Dalu, who was also working from home, and asked him to go downstairs to cook.
We habitually listened to the news while we were busy with dinner. On that day, various channels were broadcasting the news of the New Crown vaccine for all people in the United Kingdom.
Health Minister Hancock also shed tears of excitement during the live broadcast, calling December 8 a "great historic moment".
As I peeled the potatoes, I wondered, how does this day sound so familiar?
I asked the deer, "Eh?" What day is it? ”
The deer put the rice into the rice cooker and thought for a moment, "Today? Is it Tuesday? ”
After a few seconds, ah! We both reacted at the same time, December 8th is our wedding anniversary!
11th Wedding Anniversary!!
Hahahahaha, we both looked at each other and laughed, well, we forgot! Don't blame anyone!
The deer said, "Oh, what's the good stuff to eat?" We opened the refrigerator and looked around, and there was nothing special about it. It's time for dinner, so let's finish cooking.
After a while, a simple meal was served on the table, and the two small ones also chirped around. The big deer took out two goblets and opened a jar of Fanta, and we touched a cup, and the two small ones snatched away the rest of Fanta.
The family giggled and ate a noisy dinner, and the 11th anniversary was over.
What about the sense of ceremony? Are middle-aged marriages so bland?
Are unmarried and childless young people super disappointed to see it? Once the sea oath mountain alliance, the final destination is chai rice oil and salt?
I still remember that on the day I received my license 11 years ago, I woke up before dawn, carefully dressed up, and specially wore a red coat. The deer also grabbed his hair for the first time in the world and wrapped it around the wool scarf I bought him.
It was a very cold day, and when we arrived at the Civil Affairs Bureau, the door had not yet been opened. We bought a huge baked sweet potato on the side of the road and ate it on the steps in front of the Civil Affairs Bureau, jumping up and down at the same time.
Later, a big aunt in overalls opened the door and shouted at the two of us: "Hey, that girl and boy, don't jump, things are quickly finished eating and come in." People who are going to get married, still like children? ”
The two of us laughed and frantically stuffed a few bites of the baked sweet potatoes, and rushed in with big cheeks. When the staff called us forward, the sweet potatoes had not yet been swallowed, and we could not speak for half a day, but only covered our mouths and smirked.
If someone had told me at that time, hey, you're going to forget about your wedding anniversary, I wouldn't believe it. But after 11 years, we not only forgot, but also forgot so freely that we didn't want to get angry at all.
Come on teammates, drink a cup of Fanta, and walk together for the rest of your life!
I looked it up on the Internet, and eleven years is a steel marriage, symbolizing that the marriage has been as hard as steel and does not rust.
Did you forget to explain another meaning? It is to live in a nest with a straight man of steel for 11 years, no matter what literary and artistic young women you are, you can cultivate into a straight woman of steel. Therefore, marriage is also "steel".
This "steel" marriage made me realize some truths that I couldn't figure out when I was younger.
01
We fall in love with each other's merits,
But it is to marry the other party's shortcomings
I have a little cousin who is in my middle age and is in love.
She once asked me, "Sister, what is it like to fall in love with someone?" ”
I said to her, "If you think that he has as many flaws as stars and as few advantages as the sun, but as soon as the sun comes out, the stars are all gone, then you are in love with him." ”
She asked me again, "When will I decide to get married?" ”
I said, "When you see all his flaws and feel like you can tolerate them, you can get married." ”
When we fall in love with a person, we certainly fall in love with his merits.
But people will change, passion will fade. It is inhuman to want to keep a star eye on a person for decades.
One day, you will find that Leonardo will also become fat, Wu Yanzu will also be bald, and the refreshing teenager you fell in love with will also throw stinky socks everywhere.
At this time, the magic weapon to maintain the longevity of the marriage is:
Look at the shortcomings before marriage, don't be carried away by love; after marriage, look at the advantages, don't let the flaws obscure the whole picture.
I watched a variety show before, and the host asked Wang Zulan's wife, Li Yanan: "Does your husband have any shortcomings that you can't stand?" Li Yanan smiled and said, "A lot of ah, he always goes to bed without bathing." I have cleanliness and I can't stand it. ”
The audience was amused by her words, but she continued: "However, my husband has many advantages, so many that I can't count them." This sentence sprinkled everyone with a handful of dog food that Caught off guard.
You see, a good marriage is:
I know you're not perfect, but in my heart, because you're you, you can compete with all imperfections.
02
The underpinnings of marriage are patience and compromise
There is a famous passage in the Bible that says:
Love is eternal patience and kindness; love is not jealousy, love is not boastful, not arrogant, not shy, not seeking one's own benefit, not easily angry, not counting man's evil, not liking unrighteousness, only liking the truth; all things are inclusive, everything is believed, everything is hoped, and everything is endured; love is never ending. (1 Corinthians 1:3 of the New Testament)
Put it on marriage, it is one word: endure! Marriage requires enduring patience.
When I was a teenager, I was influenced by romance novels, and I especially believed that in this world, there must be two people in the underworld who are each other's true destiny, soul mates; if you don't find a person whose soul is a perfect fit, you have not yet found the right person.
After I grew up, I found that in fact, there were no suitable two people from the beginning, and the perfect marriage in the eyes of the world was the result of two people compromising with each other and running into each other.
Just like the marriage of Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai, it has always been rumored to be a beautiful talk, a model for a model couple.
But a careful reading of Yang Chen's "The Two of Us" can clearly see the fate of the couple. They also had a lot of conflicts and disputes like ordinary couples, and they also experienced poverty and heartache that many people had not experienced.
Qian Zhongshu was particularly unskilled in life, and when Yang Dai gave birth to a child and was hospitalized, he could not even light a coal stove. Every day when he went to the hospital to deliver food, he had to bring bad news, that is, something in the house had been accidentally damaged by him.
If you change to other women, you may have to jump to your feet: "Marry such an idiot as you, this day can't be lived!" But Yang Dai knew him, admired him, and was even very pleased that he had guarded Qian Zhongshu's "stupidity".
Qian Zhongshu also reciprocated with the greatest appreciation and love for Yang Dai.
Looking at the text of Qian Zhong's book, the needle is flawed and sharp. But he said that Yang Dai was always full of praise, saying that she was "the most virtuous wife and the most talented woman"; such a proud talent, but he repeatedly praised Yang Dai in public for "writing better prose than me".
The two of them responded to a sentence in the afterglow: "Where there is a perfect marriage, it is just two people with 50 points, and they have lived a life of 100 points together." ”
03
Don't try to change each other,
Don't change yourself against your heart
Although I have talked about compromise and run-in before, it is difficult for adults to really have any qualitative changes. To be comfortable in a marriage, some things, as long as they are not a matter of principle, are better accepted than trying to change.
For example, my family's big deer, a science and engineering background, is naturally sensitive to numbers, and can be at ease in the face of a bunch of formulas that I look like Martian. But he couldn't remember my birthday or any anniversary from the time we were in love.
At first, I was really angry, thinking that this was completely a manifestation of not being careful, as long as I had a heart, how could I not remember?
I had a good girlfriend whose boyfriend at the time was Chinese and romantic. Not only are birthdays and holidays never forgotten, but they also design some of their unique anniversaries, such as: the first time to hold hands on the 100th day, the first time to say I love you for the first anniversary.
He often stuffed small notes with poems in his girlfriend's bags and clothes pockets, and the poems were still a mystery, prompting a clue, sometimes a gift, sometimes a date.
At that time, everyone was young and was fascinated by this kind of elegance.
I also often complain to my girlfriends about how to find a science and engineering iron man, so that there is no romance in life at all.
Later, after a long time, I found out that the big deer really didn't have this string. Not only could he not remember my birthday, his own parents' birthday, but he even called me from the company once and said, "We're going to fill out a form and tell me what day Sugar Sugar's birthday is?" ”
You see, he can't even remember the birthday of his first child, which is really fair to everyone.
However, although da lu does not remember any anniversaries, he remembers reminding me to take medicine and breakfast day after day; remembering when my car should be inspected annually and when it is time to pay the water and electricity bills.
We lived 11 years like this unromantically, and my girlfriend's boyfriend, who had become an ex-boyfriend several years ago, had become an ex-boyfriend because of his mercy.
Ever since I thought about it, I've been very calm.
If I want him to send any gifts on my birthday, I will say it in advance, or buy it myself, but I will save myself from being frightened by the strange gifts of the steel straight man and wasting money.
My in-laws had a birthday, and if he couldn't remember me, I thought for him, and every year I bought a gift in advance and sent it over. It wouldn't be a big deal of effort for me, but the big deer would be grateful for my filial piety for him.
I myself have something I can't change at all.
For example, some movies that Da lu likes to watch, I am not interested at all. Every time he asked me to watch a movie with great interest, it ended with me falling asleep halfway through. No matter how much I wanted to beat him up and accompany him to watch it, it was the result of hypnosis in the end. I love to watch it, and the big deer can't see it at all.
Later, the two of us sat next to each other, bumping the same plate of melon seeds, each wearing a headset, each holding a computer, he looked at his, I looked at mine, and each rejoiced.
Writing this, I would love to tell a fairy tale that I read when I was a child.
Once upon a time there was a king who had three daughters, and he wanted to choose the one he loved the most to inherit the throne. So the king asked his daughters, "How do you love me?" The eldest daughter said, "I love you as much as I love all the gold in the world." The second daughter said, "I love you as much as I love all the diamonds in the world." Only the little daughter said, "I love you as much as I love the salt in the bread." ”
The king was furious and thought that his little daughter's love for him was worthless, so he expelled her from the house. The youngest daughter wandered to another kingdom, met the prince who loved her, and married her.
A few years later, the king discovered that both of his eldest daughters loved wealth more than he loved him, and missed his younger daughter very much, so he went looking for her. The younger daughter arranged a grand feast for her father, but instructed the cook not to put salt in any of the king's dishes.
The king could not swallow, remembering what the little daughter had said, loving himself like loving the salt in the bread, and only then did he understand how precious the little daughter's love was.
I think that the marriage of middle-aged people may be like salt in bread.
The original love and passion have been covered by the trivialities of life to the point of obscurity, squeezed by the pressure of the old and the low.
However, love has long since melted into the days when it is as plain as water, turning into salt that cannot be seen or touched but cannot be missing. You can't notice it when you have it, and once you lose it, you will wake up to its preciousness.
If you like my article, please pay attention to my public account.
Your cloud honey sugar mother will always be here, waiting for you to drink "afternoon tea" together.