01
"Xunzi" has a saying: "The study of a gentleman is also to beautify his body; the learning of a villain is also to think that he is a calf." ”
A person's wisdom is used to cultivate one's self-cultivation, not to show off, let alone to show off one's own wisdom, so as to get praise from others.
Truly intelligent people know how to "go their own way and let others say it." Everyone has their own way to go, and no one will stop and empathize with you.
Therefore, whether you live well or not, don't expect a "circle of friends".
02
Your shabbiness, don't show it in the circle of friends, others will read jokes.
In "Kong Yiji", there is such a scene: Kong Yiji, wearing a dirty and torn long shirt, walks into the small shop and says, "Two bowls of wine, a plate of fennel beans."
The person next to him laughed at him, how did he hurt his face again? Did you steal something?
Kong Yiji blushed and explained, "Stealing a book can't be considered stealing, can it be considered stealing?" A gentleman is poor and does not lose his temper..."
Everyone listened, laughed, and there was a happy air in the store.
For a poor student, everyone's attitude is to "have fun", rather than to get to know him and help him. The pedantic idea of "being a bookworm without any use" has taken root in people's hearts at some point.
Obviously, for Kong Yiji, the small shop is his circle of friends, and the guests who are familiar with him are the "friends list". Sadly, he has become a joke, as long as he sends a circle of friends, he will be "ashamed of himself".
The most incomprehensible thing is that the shop owner, who should "treat people with courtesy", will also laugh with the guests. There is no regard for business etiquette.
Be a person, be self-aware, and when you are down, don't join in the fun. "Soup has no salt, it is not as good as water; people have no money, they are not as good as ghosts", the words are a little rough, but the reason is not coarse.
Learn to cover up poverty, not to look down on yourself, but to stay away from socializing and free up more time for thinking and working.
03
Your wealth, do not reveal it in the circle of friends, others will hate you.
The writer Feng Menglong wrote in the "Cautionary Tales" about a man named Zhuo Wangsun, who was born during the time of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, lived in Linqiong, was rich in oil, and his daughter Zhuo Wenjun was talented and beautiful.
Zhuo Wangsun liked to make friends and built a huge courtyard for friends to see.
The county commander Wang Ji was envious of Zhuo Wangsun's wealth, so he often took guests to Zhuo Wangsun's house to drink and eat. That is to say, ben was his own hospitality, and it was also transferred to Zhuo Wangsun.
In real life, there are often such situations: relatives and friends sit around to eat and drink, who has money, who pays. The person who pays the money may not necessarily get everyone's praise, but feels that it is taken for granted, and even some people say viciously, "He is so rich, this meal only costs so much money, too stingy."
The psychology of hating the rich will be reflected in the circle of friends unconsciously. Although many people cover up, but the paper package can not hold the fire, there will always be some unintentional actions, reflected.
You have money, but you should not show it, for those who are looking at you are looking for opportunities to trip you up; those who hate you say evil things behind your back; greedy people who want to possess your wealth; hypocritical people, who are begging you, in the final analysis, are just for profit.
People are poor, and there are very few true friends; people are too rich, and so is the case.
04
Your kindness, do not publicize in the circle of friends, others think that you love vanity.
The Tao Te Ching says, "There is no trace of good deeds, and there are no flaws in good words." ”
True kindness will not leave a trace, and it does not matter whether there is anyone who "says a few kind words". Doing good is the conscience of being human, not the result to be achieved.
Those who desperately "brag about themselves" are disgusting. The practice of vanity, on the contrary, obscures the light of good deeds.
For a while, Xie Yang, a poor student at Southwest University for Nationalities, was blocked by a well-wisher, "Ice Brother of Hangzhou", and had doubts. He wondered, why did the people who helped him not want to meet and did not need to wait for the return of the coming day?
From the beginning of Xie Yang's high school, "Ice Brother" has always supported him. When Xie Yang was about to graduate from college, "Ice Brother" said: "You don't need to thank me, you don't need to look for me, and when you graduate, forget that someone is helping you, protect yourself, take care of yourself." ”
There are many ways to be grateful, and there are many ways to do good. The best way is to be okay with each other, show your excellent self, and don't let the light of kindness dim.
In your circle of friends, you need to promote positive energy, but don't praise yourself too much. There is a saying: "Give people roses, and leave a fragrance in your hands." The converse is also true, but it's awkward.
05
Your difficulties, don't talk in the circle of friends, others can't help it.
When people are alive, everyone will have difficulties and will be hurt. But don't complain in the circle of friends, don't expose the scars to others.
During the Warring States period, King Zhao of Qin sent troops to attack the State of Zhao and reached Handan. Ping Yuanjun, a chancellor of the State of Zhao, wrote several urgent letters to Wei Guo's wife and brother-in-law, Prince Wei.
Prince Wei was in a hurry, and he couldn't watch his brother-in-law and sister being abducted by the State of Qin, right? But he could only be in a hurry, because the military power was in the hands of the King of Wei.
As a last resort, Prince Wei stole the soldier's charm and led the soldiers to save Zhao.
When you encounter difficulties, it is a natural idea to ask relatives and friends for help, but you have to refrain from expecting too much.
Perhaps, your request for help is just embarrassing others. Helping you will cause others to get into trouble, not to help, and you can't bear it. Of course, there are still some people who do things that fall into the rocks, or quietly block you and stop contacting you.
No matter how hard it is, I slowly boiled myself, survived, and became a man.
06
There was a young man who liked to talk between the guests and the host, trying to please people on both sides.
Someone told Confucius about it.
Confucius said: "This young man, sitting in a position with great swagger, and standing side by side with the elder, is not seeking progress, but is anxious to become famous." ”
As the name suggests, young people like to climb the branches to become phoenixes, and do not choose to walk step by step. After his true thoughts were recognized by Confucius, I am afraid that he would laugh generously.
People in the world are not stupid, they just don't say it.
You really don't have to express yourself in the circle of friends, no matter how much wealth, how high your status is, how hard your life is, you are "cold and warm self-knowledge".
Man, after all, depends on himself.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.