Listening to an old song, often young people do not understand the meaning of the song, and understand that they are already the people in the song.
Similarly, some old texts, which were once incomprehensible, are now suddenly enlightened. When I can perceive the subtle humanity displayed between the lines, I feel a lot of emotions.
For example, when a person reaches middle age, he suddenly understands Mr. Lu Xun's "Kong Yiji" and no longer dares to "scorn" him.
01
When people reach middle age, they have exhausted all their strength just by living.
Mr. Lu Xun looked at Kong Yiji from the perspective of a twelve-year-old "me".
"I" am too stupid to be in charge of the boring affairs of warm wine, in the somewhat monotonous, somewhat boring Xianheng Hotel, only the arrival of the "old patron" Kong Yiji can break the dull atmosphere and let everyone "laugh a few times".
It is not because Kong Yiji is smart and cheerful, but because he insists on the state of life of a poor and acidic literati, so that everyone can make fun of him, ridicule and ridicule him wantonly.
Kong Yiji's greatest characteristic is that he is "the only person standing in the tavern to drink and wear a long shirt". Wearing a long shirt means that he is not a "coolie", and "standing and drinking" shows that his financial situation can only be comparable to that of "coolies" and "short-term workers".
In fact, the money in Kong's pocket is often not enough to buy a plate of fennel beans or a plate of peanut rice.
People laughed at his poverty, laughed at his "beating again", laughed at his "reading man" title but did "stealing" for a living, not only mourning his misfortune and angering his indisputable regrets, but also the joy of schadenfreude.
In this regard, Kong Yiji blushed, and the green tendons on his forehead burst out, arguing with everyone. Isn't this lack of confidence but strong enough to save some face for himself, a portrayal of every middle-aged man who uses all his strength to live?
Whether it is in the busy city or in the slightly desolate countryside, there are middle-aged people with old and young, shouldering the heavy responsibility of supporting their families, trying to break through the bottleneck of promotion and salary increase, and have to run like a top, constantly running.
Everyone's dilemma is different: how many highly educated people have not entered the office building to work as desired; how many people with strong ability have been squeezed out because they are not sleek enough; how many people with low academic qualifications and mediocre abilities can only suffer bitterly in the face of work that has no choice.
Once upon a time, he was also a young boy and girl who did not understand the world, and once upon a time, he was also a pure teenager who was ashamed to talk about money. And now, when every bit of life must be "dealt with" with a minute of real money and silver, no matter how high and how disdainful it was, it must put down its "face", sink its "body", and be willing to "bend the waist for five buckets of rice".
02
When people reach middle age, the biggest sadness is that their dreams are shattered.
In Mr. Lu Xun's pen, Kong Yiji's biggest weakness is that he is a reader, but he has not been able to embark on the "career path" that a reader should have.
At the Ham Heng Hotel, he could tolerate it no matter how much people laughed at him, and when people asked him mercilessly, "Do you really recognize the words?" "How come you can't even catch half a show talent?" At that time, he "immediately showed a decadent and uneasy look, his face was covered with a layer of gray, and he said something in his mouth, but this time it was all about people and the like, and some didn't understand." ”
When Kong Yiji's last "fig leaf" was shaken to the ground, everyone laughed, and the air inside and outside the store was filled with happiness.
Perhaps, Kong Yiji has not never thought of changing a "livelihood", but he has been indulging in reading for a long time, but he has not been able to learn other survival skills besides "copying books". Becoming a "thief" is not what he wants, but after fighting against fate, he can't find any other way out, so he has to do it.
Kong Yiji's sadness lies in this. The sadness of middle-aged people is nothing more than this.
Everyone has had the green years, and everyone has had the grand dream of "fighting the sword and going to the end of the world". However, fate is the most impermanent, and the older you get, the more you have to accept the status quo of "planning is in the sky".
When the dream is shattered, you can walk into the crowd and buy a bowl of wine with a small amount of money, which in itself requires great courage.
In this world, too many people have a mentality of "wishing people to be miserable and seeing no one good". If a person wants to raise his head in front of everyone and do a good job, the most important thing is to realize his own life ideals and let the "jokes" that others originally want to see become "myths".
How to reconcile with yourself, reconcile with the people around you, and reconcile with this world of thin feelings is a life problem that every middle-aged person has to face.
03
When people reach middle age, the biggest helplessness is that they try their best and can't get a trace of "decency".
The last time Kong Yiji appeared in the hotel, he begged for it, and in the case of not paying back the "nineteen dollars", he used the remaining four pieces of money to buy a bowl of wine to drink.
At this time, he was severed in his leg, and could only cushion a puddle and slowly "walk" with his hands. He was not very refute the ridicule of the crowd, but only whispered "don't make fun of it."
This is the last mark that Kong Yiji left to "me". "Kong Yiji still owes nineteen dollars." It is the hotel owner's last mark on Kong Yiji.
Probably, Kong Yiji himself did not expect that his life would end like this. Although he has poor money, he still recognizes the debt, so he will not mind the hotel owner writing down his own debt on the powder board. He wanted to be a "decent person" in his heart, and once he had money, he would settle the wine money.
However, Kong Yiji has not been able to be a "decent" person until his death.
The pursuit of "decency" is a common human feeling. When people reach middle age, as children, as parents, whether they want to or not, the "decency" to be paid attention to in all aspects is everywhere:
For example, when a parent is sick and hospitalized, he does not worry about medical expenses; when his child goes to school, he can be sent to a better school.
A piece of money is difficult to defeat the hero, people to middle age, all decent, is given by money.
The world doesn't listen to a man explain what he does, only what he does. No one is easy, everyone has grievances, and if you want to "stand out from the siege", you have to grit your teeth and survive.
04
Conclusion:
Kong Yiji is a tragic figure, not only the imprint of the times, but also his own misfortune.
Re-reading "Kong Yiji", I finally understood that on the road of life, there has never been a smooth road, and if you want to reach the other side of happiness, you must play a game of "you die and I live" with fate. Only by persevering and fighting to the end can we achieve our wishes.
Author: Like the wind is light as a cloud.
Your happiness, my blessings.
Images are from the web.